ABC Television Network
Mission BriefingCoulson's team has been sent off the grid, but they're not out for the count yet. The team decides to track down Garrett and Ward through Cybertek, a technology company that has repeadedly appeared in the team's dealings with The Clairvoyant and HYDRA. Meanwhile, we get flashbacks to Ward's past, detailing his history with Garrett and his initation into HYDRA.
Mission FalloutAfter a drug kingpin with known ties to HYDRA is murdered by Deathlok, the team wonders what the connection is to Garrett and HYDRA. Coulson discovers that all of their run-ins with Deathlok, Ian Quinn, John Garrett, and the Centipede project all route back to one central point: Cybertek, the tech company that built Deathlok. Luckily, Cybertek has a public office in sunny Palo Alto, so the team decides to infiltrate the office posing as former S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists on a job interview. Tripp unveils an old suitcase full of vintage WWII-era spy gear that the team can use on their mission.
The present day action is intercut with flashbacks to Ward's past with Garrett. Fifteen years ago, Ward was a troubled teenager serving a stint in juvie for burning down his old house and nearly killing his older brother, which may or may not have been his intention. A younger agent Garrett shows up and offers him an ultimatum: train and become an agent of a secret organization, or spend the rest of his life in jail. Ward takes Garrett up on his offer, and the two break out of the facility. Garrett takes Ward to a secluded forest and leaves him there, seeing if Ward has the mettle to become an agent of Hydra.
Back in the present, May and Coulson go undercover inside Cybertek. They manage to sneak into Cybertek's mainframe, but discover that the company only uses hard copies of files. Coulson and May find files on the Deathlok project, which reveal that Garrett was the original Deathlok. His body was partially rebuilt after an explosion fatally injures him. Coulson jettisons the files out of a window, and the team escapes the facility. The file reveals that Garrett needs the GH-325 serum to repair his body since it's starting to reject the aging cybernetic implants, and help bolster his centipede soldiers.
On the captured bus, Raina begins synthesizing a new batch of GH-235 from the information stolen off of Skye's hard drive. Garrett suddenly becomes ill, and reveals that he only he only has a month left to live unless Raina can successfully recreate the serum. The team manages to track down Garrett and Ward in Cuba, and specifically, to a barber shop that has quite a suspicious amount of electronic activity radiating from its basement. Elsewhere, Fitz and Simmons track down the bus but are captured by Ward. Once on the plane, Fitz gravely injures Garrett with one of Tripp's gadgets, and Garrett tells Ward to kill the two agents before he dies. Ward finds Fitz and Simmons, who have locked themselves into a containment room on the plane. Fitz pleads with Ward to help them, but his pleas fall on deaf ears. Ward jettisons the containment room out of the plane and into the ocean. There's no turning back for Ward now. In a last ditch effort to save Garrett, Rayna injects Garrett with an early version of the GH-235 serum, which appears to heal him. While scoping out the basement of the barbershop, Coulson and the other agents run into centipede soldiers armed with stolen S.H.I.E.L.D. weaponry.
Most Valuable Agent AwardThis weeks MVA award goes to Tripplet for dusting off all of his Grandad's Howling Commando stuff. It all sure came in handy during the mission, but it also gave Coulson a chance to let his geek flag fly.
Mission Highlights- "Get ready for a large file transfer."- "I want my plane back."- Ward: "Give me one reason not to blow your head off." / Garrett: "I brought Tacos?" - Next week is the long-awaited season finale. Hopefully, we finally get some answers about Skye's parentage.
Billy Eichner, the incurably loud host of Billy on the Street, is starring in his own scripted comedy on the USA network (via The Hollywood Reporter). The show, titled Difficult People (produced by Amy Peohler), will star Eichner and longtime writing partner Julie Klausner as two frustrated comedians living in New York who come to hate everything around them, except each other.
We've long hoped that the impeccably talented Billy Eichner would get his own starring role. Some might say that his Billy Eichner is a one trick pony, but that would be denying his incredible talents. As you should already know, Eichner is the Sir Laurence Olivier of accosting strangers on busy Manhattan avenues. Call it street theater if you will, with the packed grids of New York City serving as his stage. The actor has an incredible amount of range and depth in his work. He's a master class of subtlety, grace, and screaming. We've collected several clips that show Eichner in his element, finding and exploiting the finest nuances of acting, and blowing out the tri-state area's collective eardrum.
Here, Eichner displays subtle feelings of despair when bellowing about Disney's mistreatment of Ratatouille:
Here, Eichner accesses his deep vulnerability when screaming at New Yorkers about Paul Rudd:
Here, Eichner channels the quiet intensity of Robert Redford as he yells why Barry's speed drawing looks like "Noodle Hitler":
This clip featuring Amy Poehler exhibits Eichner's debilitating fears about the commercialization of Christmas:
Here, Billy intellectually ruminates on race relations in America by demanding that people name three white women:
Finally, Bill Eichner show strength and perseverance while screaming about the evils of Rachael Ray:
See? We're gearing up for some quality TV.
Initially, we were excited to see a live-action Gotham show that plunged into the backstory of a young Jim Gordon the way so many classic Batman storylines have done in the comics. One that profiled the once great city before it descended into a horrific cavalcade of carnival freaks and madmen, where regular police work wasn't enough to keep the new breed of super-criminals at bay. Really, a Gotham series works on paper as an intriguing police procedural with just a smidgen of comic book camp... but actually seeing the show in action gives us pause. While there's a lot to love in the first trailer for Gotham — the city itself looks great, like a mix of modern buildings and rusted-out architecture that's seen better days — there's also a lot that has us skeptical. Namely, the focus on all of the kid villains.
It makes sense for Gotham to tell a long-form origin story of Jim Gordon, a career policeman at the very start of his duties at the detective desk, but do we need to see child versions of all of Batman's foes. It seems like the show just couldn't resist crowbarring in Batman and his rogue's gallery where they really don't belong, as if the audience wouldn't be interested in the show otherwise. Here, we're getting, ridiculous looking versions of The Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman, and Poison Ivy, not to mention Bruce Wayne himself. Frankly, it just looks silly.
Gotham's version of Selina Kyle looks to be about 13, and she's already traipsing between buildings, a budding master thief. Did she just come back from a heist called "The Great Juice-Box Caper?" Of course the one shot of Poison Ivy in the trailer shows a disheveled girl watering plants... and obviously we have to show the future Penguin touting an umbrella. It all seems so contrived, so painfully on the nose, like the show just can't stop winking at us to see if you got all the hints. What's next? Is the Joker going to show up as a unhinged 10-year-old who devotedly follows the Insane Clown Posse?
Obviously, a two-minute trailer is a very poor indication of how Gotham will eventually take form this fall, but it looks like the show might be trying too hard to inter-connect all of these child versions of the villains in a way that might seriously strain our ability to suspend disbelief. We're not saying Gotham shouldn't feature popular characters from the comics, to weave its own history out of our favorite characters, but ridiculous, grade school versions of the characters isn't the way to do it.
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Nearly 10 years after meeting on the set of 2005's romantic spy thriller Mr. and Ms. Smith, Hollywood's foremost power couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are set to team up once again. The duo is set to appear in a film written by Jolie herself, though it is still unkown whether she will also be directing the project. Jolie has written the war drama In the Land of Blood and Honey, and recently helmmed the WWII drama Unbroken, which is scheduled to be released this year.
While Brangelina is still the most prolific coupling in Hollywood, there's steady competition ready to take their crown. Other married Hollywood couples have proved to be just a successful over the years. So which romantic duo has had the most post-nuptial success, and which couples should have steered clear from the altar for the sake of their careers?
Brad Pitt and Angelina JolieTogether Since: 2005Post-Marriage Success: While they were successful apart, the union of these two Hollywood heavyweights has bolstered both of their careers. Since getting together with Jolie, Pitt silenced doubters with staring roles in Inglorious Basterds, The Assassination of Jesse James, Moneyball and the zombie blockbuster World War Z, and capped off the casino caper trilogy Ocean's Thirteen. Additionally, he has produced the Academy Award winner 12 Years a Slave. Jolie has also had a prosperous career since marriage, starring in films like Salt, Changeling, Kung Fu Panda, and the upcoming Maleficent.
Jennifer Garner and Ben AffleckTogether Since: 2005Post-Marriage Success: After about a decade of jeering due to a string of failures like Gigli and Daredevil, Ben Affleck has had nothing short of a career renaissance, showing his true skills lay in directing. Affleck directed a trio of well-received thrillers, Gone Baby Gone, The Town, and Argo, that won heaps of critical praise, netting the director his first Oscar for directing. Jennifer Garner, on the other hand, has cooled off career-wise since her marriage to Ben, starring in forgettable fodder like Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past, The Invention of Lying, and Arthur. She did have a prominent role in Dallas Buyers Club that won her critical praise and very mild awards buzz.
Ryan Reynolds and Blake LivelyTogether Since: 2012Post-Marriage Success: Despite his charm and leading man looks, Ryan's career struggles have followed him into married life. The actor has floundered in gargantuan summertime flops like The Change-up and Green Lantern, with last year's R.I.P.D. being his latest blockbuster misfire. Blake Lively has been mostly quiet since getting hitched. She starred in the forgettable crime-film, Savages and her star-making television show, Gossip Girl, wrapped up it's run.
Javier Bardem and Penelope CruzTogether Since: 2010Post-Marriage Success: Post-marriage and post No Country for Old Men, life has been good for Bardem. The actor won raves for his role in Biutiful, and played the best Bond villain in recent memory in Skyfall. Penelope Cruz has been no slouch either. The actress reunited with Woody Allen in To Rome with Love, and co-starred with her husband in The Counselor, though were still not sure what to think of Ridley Scott's latest.
Daniel Craig and Rachel WeiszTogether Since: 2011Post-Marriage Success: Craig's star power is as strong as ever. The actor's brutish and vulnerable version of Agent 007 continues to give the Bond saga a renewed sense of urgency. Beyond spying, Craig also put in great work into David Fincher's Girl with the Dragon Tatoo. Rachel Weisz on the other hand, has had a mixed couple of years since 2011. she starred in the acclaimed spy mini-series Page Eight, but also in the largely forgettable Borne quasi-reboot, The Borne Legacy. She was also in Disney's Oz the Great and Powerful, a film that failed to capture the magic of the original.
Chris Pratt and Anna FarisTogether Since: 2009Post-Marriage Success: It's hard to think of anyone in Hollywood that's had a more diverse couple of years than Chris Pratt. The actor went from playing schlubby goof ball Andy Dwyer on NBC's Parks and Recreation to playing a fit baseball player in Moneyball and a gung-ho Navy Seal in Zero Dark Thirty. He also appeared in Spike Jonze's fantastic Her and had the starring role in The Lego Movie. Finally, the actor is set to star in the upcoming blockbusters Guardians of the Galaxy and Jurassic World. Wife, Anna Faris hasn't enjoyed the same insane career trajectory, but who can blame her. Since 2009, she has stared in The Dictator, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-SmithTogether Since: 1997Post-Marriage Success: Smith's reign as the king of summer was still in full effect in back in 1997. The actor closed out the 90's with films like Men in Black, Enemy of the State, and Wild Wild West, all Box-office hits. Since then however, the actor has been pretty hit or miss. For every Bad Boys II or Hitch, we'd get a Seven Pounds or Hancock. As strange as it is to say, Jada arguably had a better 2000's than her husband. She starred in the two Matrix sequels, the Madagascar films, and the Tom Cruise actioner, Collateral. Recently however, both seem more interested in creating careers for their children, rather than improving the state of their own careers.
20th Century Fox via Everett Collection
Throughout his career, James Cameron has explored the verdant valleys of Pandora and the post-apocalyptic streets of Los Angeles, but his next adventure might take place somewhere that's a little more familiar. Cameron has commissioned scribe David S. Goyer to write a treatment for a remake of the 1966 classic, Fantastic Voyage. In the original film, a group of scientists miniaturize themselves and enter the body of a fellow scientist to remove a blood clot from his brain, but they only have an hour to do so before the process reverses itself and un-shrinnks them. If you've spent a single Saturday morning watching cartoons over the past 30 years, that plot should sound terribly familiar. Every cartoon worth its salt had done at least one Fantastic Voyage parody episode (some have done several, in fact). It's almost a rite of passage. Flinging through the leaky canals of the body and dodging over-eager immune systems is material that's just begging to be animated. We've decided to collect some of our favorite Fantastic Voyage cartoon parodies from over the years.
The Magic School BusEpisode: "For Lunch," "Inside Ralphie," "Goes Cellular," "Works Out," and "Makes a Stink."Ms. Frizzle has taken her class on many field trips spelunking through the human body. Arnold, Ralphie, Janet, and even Ms. Frizzle herself have turned into the subject of a field trip in various episodes.
Captain Planet and the PlaneteersEpisode: "An Inside Job"The planeteers shrink themselves in order to battle microbes inside Kwame.
The SimpsonsEpisode: "Treehouse of Horror XV"The Simpsons clan go after Maggie after she is accidentally ingested by Mr. Burns.
FuturamaEpisode: "Parasites Lost"After Fry eats a disgustingly old egg salad sandwich, Professor Farnsworth make miniature robotic version of themselves to ward off an infestation of super smart parasites.
Family GuyEpisode: "Emission Impossible"Stewie infiltrates Peter's body in order to stop his parents from having another child.
Dexter’s LaboratoryEpisode:"Fantastic Boyage"Dexter tries to enter Dee Dee's body to find the cure of the common cold, but he ends up inside the dog by mistake.
Phineas and FerbEpisode: "Journey to the Center of Candace"In a reverse of the Dexter's Laboratory plot, Phineas and Ferb try to enter the body of a dog, but accidentally end up in the body of their sister.
Pinky and the BrainEpisode: "Brainwashed Part 1: Brain, Brain Go Away"Pinky and the Brain shrink themselves in order to foil an evil plot, but get eaten by the wrong guy.
Batman: The Brave and the BoldEpisode: "Journey to the Center of the Bat"After Batman is struck down with a mysterious disease, the Atom and Aquaman shrink themselves to combat the illness.
Rick and MortyEpisode: "Anatomy Park"Morty creates a Jurassic Park-style amusement park inside the body of the homeless man. He shrinks Morty and himself to save his creation once the homeless man starts to die.
The Fairly Odd ParentsEpisode: "Tiny Timmy"Wanda and Cosmo shrink Timmy so they can explore the body of his evil babysitter, Vicky. Vicky's body soon starts attacking the foreign invaders.
Spongebob SquarepantsEpisode: "Squidtastic Voyage"With the help of Sandy, Patrick and Spongebob use a shrinking submarine to enter Squidward's body and retrieve a clarinet reed.
Regular ShowEpisode: "Cool Cubed"Mordecai and Rigby travel inside Thomas to thaw his brain out after a slushie gives him a vicious brain-freeze.
ArthurEpisode: "Buster's Breathless"Buster gives his friends a tour of his body so they can learn about asthma.
RugratsEpisode: "The Inside Story"The babies travel inside Chucky after he swallows a watermelon seed, thinking a watermelon will grow inside the toddlers stomach.
Osmosis JonesThis film is basically one long Fantastic Voyage parody. White blood cell/detective Osmosis Jones and his cold pill partner Drix battle a malicious virus inside the moist caverns of Bill Murray. The film also spawned a spin-off television series.
Sony Pictures via Everett Collection
For a second there, Better Call Saul was looking like a big excuse for a Breaking Bad reunion.
The upcoming spin-off to the smash television drama has done well to fill its ranks with already familiar faces, but we had yet to see what Better Call Saul has to offer in terms of original characters. Both Bob Odenkirk and Jonathan Banks are set to reprise their roles for the show, and even Aaron Paul has announced he was in serious talks with creator Vince Gilligan about returning for a guest appearance.
While another season of Breaking Bad wouldn’t be entirely unwelcome, we were eager to see some new faces fill out the free spaces in Saul Goodman’s skeezy legal drama. Thankfully, actor Michael McKean has just been tapped to add some new blood to the cast. The actor, famous for playing David St. Hubbins in the classic mockumentary This is Spinal Tap, and a role on the classic sitcom Laverne and Shirley, is set to co-star as Dr. Thurber, a talented lawyer who is hampered by a debilitating medical condition.
If McKean’s role gives you a faint sense of déjà vu, you’re not alone. Dr. Thurber’s story, from the scant few details we know about the character, sounds suspiciously similar to a certain meth kingpin's. Thurber is a gifted lawyer who becomes sick with a strange ailment, while Breaking Bad's Walter White is a gifted chemist who learns that he has lung cancer. Both stories are about smart men whose lives are permanently altered by disease, and in the same way that Walt’s lung cancer sparked a desperate need for recognition inside Walt, whatever affliction is affecting Thurber will likely spark similar feelings of desperation.
There’s narrative power in desperation. It’s a strong, base, human desire, and it fueled some of Breaking Bad’s best stories. You could even make the case that desperation was the most resonant theme in the entire series. Walt’s burgeoning career as a drug dealer started in a desperate attempt to provide for his family before the cancer withered him away, a feat he couldn't possibly manage with the humble earnings of a high school chemistry teacher. Even when Walt's motives changed, and creating meth stopped being a sacrificial act for his family and twisted itself something more prideful, greedy, selfish, and ugly, he was a man still driven by desperation. Walt became a man with a desperate need to be the best, to eliminate his competition, and to create the best product the world had ever seen. He not only wanted fame, but infamy. He was desperate to be somebody after an eternity of feeling like the world's most gifted doormat.
Since McKean's character will likely have similar circumstances surrounding his character, we hope that Vince Gilligan is able to mine the same amounts of depth from this new character of his. November can't come soon enough.
Is it turtle time yet?
The latest adventure for the heroes in a half-shell is still a couple months away, but the newest trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles gives us a somewhat new preview of Jonathan Liebesman and Michael Bay's burly, live-action update of the turtles. While we've seen most of the footage here before, we do finally get a glimpse at all four turtles in their element: Raphael is sporting a trademark scowl, Leonardo is looking stoic, Michelangelo is making jokes (and seriously freaking out April O'Neil), and Donatello is buried knee deep in his own gadgetry. Now that we've gotten a look at the foursome, the time has come to ask the all-important question: Which is your favorite Ninja Turtle?
It's a question that has broken friendships, forged new ones, and charged schoolyard debates for the past two decades. Your favorite turtle speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. We've decided to break out the old Psychology 101 textbook we didn't manage to sell back in college, and analyze your choice of your favorite Ninja Turtle.
Leo is the leader of the group and a devout student of martial arts.If you're favorite Turtle is Leonardo: You’re the alpha male. You’re a natural born leader, and you walk around with so much swaggering confidence and charisma, people glom onto you like thirsty leeches. You love to swoop in and solve petty squabbles, and you love the fact that people look up to you. Whatever interest you take, you feel the need to dominate in it. You’re a high school quarterback, the captain of the soccer team, the captain of the basketball team, the captain of the water polo team, hell, you even found a way to become the captain of the local AA group and you’re not even an alcoholic. You almost exclusively wear varsity jackets and you rotate them throughout the week on a very specific schedule. You often go out looking for old ladies to help cross the street. If no old ladies want to cross the street, you make them. You are almost literally the best at everything.Currently on your bookshelf: How to Win Friends and Influence People.Currently on your DVR: Law and Order: SVU. You get a contact high from all the justice. Watching Elliot Stabler hospitalize sexual abusers makes you as giddy as a schoolgirl. Justice feels so good.
Raph is the brawn of the group. He's aggressive and pugnacious. Two traits that often get him into trouble.If your favorite Turtle is Raphael: You're in serious need of anger management. You sometimes worry that you’ve forgotten how to smile. You've never encountered a fight you couldn't start...and finish. You love not only having anger, but having righteous anger, and any opportunity to really tell someone off should be cherished like a newborn baby, and you definitely hate babies. You want to gut your coworker that's been sniffling every five seconds for the past three hours. You get way too angry at the latest comic book film news well before it's time to form an actual opinion. You’ve already stopped reading because some stupid Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles personality guide isn’t gonna tell you how to live your life. The nerve of them. "The nerve of them" is also one of your most commonly used phrases. Deep down though, under all that hate and animosity, you really just want to be loved.Currently on your bookshelf: Tao of Jeet Kun Do by Bruce Lee.Currently on your DVR: Sons of Anarchy. Watching all those bikers rain blows upon everyone and thing they cross paths with is like meditation to you.
Nickelodeon Movies/Paramount Pictures
Mikey is the fun-loving, nunchakus-weilding, pizza-scarfing prankster of ther group. If your favorite Ninja Turtle is Michaelangelo: You’re the easy-going jokester of your group. Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused is your patron saint of cool. You laze around to surf rock and wonder why puka shell necklaces aren’t a thing anymore... but you don’t worry about trends, because that’s just not your bag, man. You break out in hives if you’re away from the beach for too long. You also an avid fan of pizza. Like a really big fan. Like seriously, get some help, you have a debilitating pizza addiction. You’ve been banned for life from every Dominos in the tri-state area and just looking at a block of pepperoni can send you on a greasy downward spiral. But it’s cool, brah.Currently on your bookshelf: The Art of Pizza Making. (It was a gift!)Currently on your DVR: Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Donnie is the brains of the group. He's the smartest turtle by an underground mile.If your favorite Turtle is Donatello: You’re a nerd and proud of it. You're super smart, and you take your friends to museums because it will be "good for them." You put a roll of tape on perfectly good tortoise-shell spectacles just to increase your nerd aesthetic. Did I mention you were into thick-framed glasses way before the collective population of Brooklyn claimed them as its ironic eyewear of choice? You take pride in having volumes of information at the ready at all times, and can roll out digits of Pi like bullets from a machine gun, and get a jolt of pride when some random factoid you know can be useful in conversation. You’ve made it your mission to be the smartest guy on the internet, and you’re actually alarmingly close. You make Trivial Pursuit your constant bitch.Currently on your bookshelf: Ulysses, because you wan’t to be that guy who says he understood Ulysses, and how it was actually quite the leisurely read.Currently on your DVR: Cosmos. You already know everything and more about astronomy, but you watch it the same way regular folks sometimes zone out to old Everybody Loves Raymond episodes they've seen a dozen times.
Mission BriefingAfter murdering Agent Koenig, Ward has absconded with Skye, hoping to finally get the encrypted S.H.I.E.L.D. information off of the hard drive. Coulson and the team move to find Ward and rescue Skye, but Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders) shows up to providence with the U.S. government, hoping to convince Coulson to stand down, since S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't rightly exist anymore.
The AgentsEveryone's on deck this week, but not necessarily playing for the same side. Ward has essentially kidnapped Skye so she can decrypt the hard drive while Coulson, Fitz, Simmons, and Triplett are following the breadcrumbs left behind by Skye. Meanwhile, May is stirring things up behind the scenes, and Maria Hill provides some much-needed backup in a special guest appearance by Cobie Smulders.
Mission FalloutMay gets into contact with Maria Hill, who is pursuing work in the private sector after the dismantling of S.H.I.E.L.D. May wants the know the identity of the person behind the T.A.H.I.T.I. project, hoping it might finally give Coulson the answers he’s been seeking, but all Maria has to offer is a cryptic riddle left by Nick Fury (Director Fury is apparently a poet in his off hours).
Meanwhile, Coulson and his team are wondering what happened to the Bus and their missing agents. Surveillance shows May leaving Providence a little while after her fight with Coulson. Fitz wanders around the base and discovers a secret message scrawled onto one of Keonig’s Faux windows: “Ward is HYDRA,” just as Gemma is discovering Koenig’s body stashed in the supply closet. Simmons examines Koenig and determines that Ward was the only one who was capable of killing him. Fitz freaks out, as he’s wont to do, and the team works on figuring out how to save Skye. Luckily, they discover that Bus is in Los Angeles, but not before Providence comes under attack. Maria Hill shows up with Colonel Talbot and U.S. military in tow. She urges Coulson to stop working under S.H.I.E.L.D. and accept that the agency doesn’t exist any more. She suggests that the agent allow his staff to walk away from S.H.I.E.L.D. and join the private sector. Coulson informs Maria about the Ward situation, and the agent helps the team escape so they can go after Ward and rescue Skye.
Elswhere, Skye tells Ward that the location needed to decrypt the drive is the same diner where she first met Mike Peterson in the pilot episode. Ward rushes Skye to decrypt the drive, but she expertly stalls for time, giving the HYDRA turncoat enough jabbering Technobabble to keep him satisfied. Skye needles into Ward about his allegiance to S.H.I.E.L.D., and reveals that she knows he’s really a member of HYDRA. She calls the police to the diner, but Ward quickly subdues them. Skye almost escapes, but is soon re-captured by Deathlok. Deathlok, always the pragmatist, tells Ward he has only five minutes to get Skye to decrypt the drive. Ward confesses that his feelings for Skye have always been genuine and the he was just “following orders,” but Skye his revolted by Ward’s true colors. Deathlok stops Ward’s heart and forces Skye to tell him the encryption site before starting it again. The agent reveals that the drive needs to be 35,000 feet in the air before it can be unlocked.
Before Ward can get the Bus in the air, he finds himself locked in a standoff with Maria Hill, who's piloting another Jet. The two exchage verbarl barbs which gives Coulson enough time to sneak aboard the Bus. Coulson locates Skye and escapes the Bus mid flight in Lola, Coulson’s flying corvette, but not before the drive is unlocked.
The team shacks up at a skeezy motel, having lost not only their agency but their home. May surprises Coulson in his motel room. She reveals that the lead behind the T.A.H.I.T.I. project was Coulson himself. In a message sent to Fury before his death in The Avengers, Coulson reveals that the T.A.H.I.T.I. project was created to revive a mortally wounded avenger, but that the project should be shelved due to it’s horrific side-effects. Coulson learns that he was, in fact, searching for himself this whole time. How exestential.
Most Valuable Agent This Week’s MVA goes to Skye for managing to outwit and outgame Ward at his own game. Not bad for a new recruit.
Mission Highlights- Adrian Pasdar is back as the burly, no-nonsense, fake-mustache wearing Colonel Talbot. Let's hope he sticks around a while.- I love Ward’s insistence that he’s definitely not a Nazi. Evil terrorist? Sure, you’ve got me pegged, but a Nazi?! Whoa buddy, let’s not jump to conclusions.- “If I come out, will you shoot me? Cause then I wont come out."- Chloe Bennet gives some of her best acting yet in this episode.
Paramount Pictures via Everett Collection
Will Ferrell will put on the dunce cap once again. According to Deadline, TriStar has purchased The Yank, in which he'll play a mild-mannered insurance courier who finds himself in the middle of a heist to steal the crown jewels. Since the large majority of us don't stumble our way into the middle of gigantic, illicit conspiracies, it's safe to say that Ferrell's latest character won't be the brightest bulb in the box. In fact, Ferrell has made a career of playing dim-witted dunderheads. Even his ostensibly smart characters are clearly lacking a couple thousand brain cells. But which is the dumbest dope that Ferrell has ever played? We've decided to rank all of Ferrell's idiots in ascending order of stupidity.
Megamind (Megamind) Megamind is actually a genius, albeit an evil one, so he gets the top spot. However, he is a dope when he comes to relationships.
Harold Crick (Stranger Than Fiction)Sacrificing your life in the name of great art is quite an academic pursuit, so cheers.
Det. Allen Gamble (The Other Guys) Under a slightly frumpy and dopey exterior is actually the mind of a pretty gifted detective. In any case, you have to be doing something smart to attract Eva Mendez.
Buddy (Elf) Buddy isn't stupid as he is just lost in a world that isn't constantly running in full-on Christmas mode. The North Pole is a long sleigh ride away from Manhattan.
Chazz Michael Michaels (Blades of Glory)It does take some smarts to weasel your way back into a sport you were banned from. Too bad the tapes of him figure skating with Jon Heder will exist on the internet forever. That's quite the oversight.
Dr. Rick Marshall (Land of the Lost)Marshall is actually a gifted scientist, but for all of his fancy book learning, he does lack an incredible amount of common sense.
Phil Weston (Kicking and Screaming)Getting that wrapped up in pee-wee soccer, the least worthy pee-wee sport there is, is almost criminally stupid.
Cam Brady (The Campaign) Cam Brady nearly makes real politicians seem smart...nearly.
Jackie Moon (Semi-Pro)In Jackie Moon's world, wrestling a bear is a good way of promoting your failing basketball franchise.
Mustafa (Austin Powers) He's quite the survivor ("I've been very badly burned"), but if you can only take three questions before spilling clandestine info, then you're the worst henchman possible.
Ricky Bobby (Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby)Sweet baby Jesus is Ricky Bobby dumb. He's the epitome of every Nascar stereotype every conceived.
Steve Butabi (A Night at the Roxbury) These club-addicted idiots have nothing rattling around their heads beyond velour suits and Haddaway's "What is Love."
Brennan Huff (Step Brothers)Brennan is probably the biggest and most spoiled man-child ever produced by the Ferrell and McKay tag team.
Ron Burgundy (Anchorman)Ron is pretty close to the top. Fortunately enough for him, though, the rest of the world surrounding him is nearly as stupid as he is.
Frank "The Tank" Rickard (Old School)Frank the Tank is definitively the stupidest person Will Ferrell has ever played. He somehow manages to shoot himself with a rhino tranquilizer just in time to ruin a kid's birthday party.
With May almost here, the fall television series is starting to wind down in earnest. But just because all of your old favorites are wrapping up for the year, that doesn't mean you have to resort to something drastic like reading or exercise. There's a new crop of television shows vying for your attention once summer rolls around. We've assembled a list of five new shows you should check out.
Why you should watch: Steven Soderbergh is sure working hard for a retiree. The recently retired filmmaker will direct all 10 episodes of this limited series that follows Clive Owen as a doctor working in 1900, back when true understanding of medicine was in its infancy, and healthcare was less of a science and more of a series of uneducated guesses. The trailer looks trippy, bloody, and slightly unnerving, giving us the first good reason in a while to break out our program guide and figure out where the hell Cinemax is on the television dial. Premieres Summer 2014.
Why you should watch: Those still feeling burned by some of Lost's unanswered mysteries might want to steer clear. Damon Lindelof's latest mind-melter of a series tells the tale of the people left behind when a rapture-esque event causes two percent of the world's population to dissapear. The rapture narrative isn't exactly new ground in fiction, but the trailer sure makes a convincing case for watching. the series looks to be full of beguiling mysteries, and interestingly flawed characters. Premieres June 29.
Why you should watch: Sam Mendes and John Logan of Skyfall fame have teamed up for this new drama that takes your 11th grade literature class and throws it in the middle of a Victorian S&M Dungeon. Penny Dreadful perverts classic characters like Dorian Gray, Victor Frankenstein, and Dracula into something else altogether. It looks like a kinkier, and more lurid version of League of Extaordinary Gentleman. The trailer has plenty of uneasy gothic thrills and poncy camp, so this show might very well be the summer's guily pleasure. Plus, Josh Hartnett's mustache is funny. Premieres May 11.
Why you should watch: To be fair, this remake of the seminal horror film looks pretty terrible, but it looks like the kind of terrible that can quickly turn into something fun with enough wine and a wicked sense of humor. For the uninitiated, the story follows Rosemary, a woman who may or may not be giving birth to the antichrist. Premieres May 11.
Why you should watch: If you have a hankering for pirates this summer, this is probably your best bet. The series features the legendary pirate Blackbeard played by the similarly legendary John Malkovich. We’re not likely going to pass up a chance to watch John Malkovich sit on a pile of treasures and ham it up as the campiest pirate on the seven seas. Premieres May 30.