Camila Cabello has pulled back the curtain on her real-life in a hard-hitting new essay, revealing there are no pictures of herself dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder dramas.
The Havana hitmaker admits that for every magic moment she uploads of herself looking happy or working in the studio, there are several lows, during which she and her mum are trying to figure out her latest OCD meltdown.
Marking Mental Health Month, the 23-year-old agreed to open up about her own issues for WSJ Magazine, and described how her battle with OCD turns her life upside down at times.
“If you look at the pictures I’ve posted on Instagram over the last year, you’ll find pictures of me writing in the studio, pictures in a hallway in a bomb-dot-com outfit before going onstage to perform, pictures of me cuddled up with my dog, Eugene, on a couch, and pictures of me bursting with excitement to play you my music,” she writes.
“But here’s what there aren’t pictures of from the last year: me crying in the car talking to my mom about how much anxiety and how many symptoms of OCD I was experiencing. My mom and me in a hotel room reading books about OCD because I was desperate for relief. Me experiencing what felt like constant, unwavering, relentless anxiety that made day-to-day life painfully hard.”
Camila admits she was hesitant to open up about her problems because she felt “embarrassed and ashamed”.
“That same little voice also told me maybe I was being ungrateful for all the good in my life – and that hiding the open wound I’d been avoiding the last few years was the easiest and fastest solution,” she writes. “But all of that is not the truth. There was something hurting inside me, and I didn’t have the skill to heal it or handle it. In order to heal it, I had to talk about it.
“Denying my suffering and berating myself didn’t help things. I needed to say those three revolutionary words: I need help.”
She goes on to explain her OCD kept her awake at night and led to “chronic headaches”, adding, “My body went through what felt like multiple roller-coaster rides every day.”
But she has come to terms with her mental health struggle recently, stating: “I listen to her, because I know she’s just trying to keep me safe, but I don’t give her too much attention. And I sure as hell don’t let her make any decisions.
“I feel the healthiest and most connected to myself I’ve ever been, and nowadays I rarely suffer from OCD symptoms. Anxiety comes and goes, but now it feels like just another difficult emotion, as opposed to something that’s consuming my life. By doing the work and showing up for myself every day, I feel like I have more trust in myself than ever before.”