We Need To Talk About Justin Bieber Abandoning His Pet Monkey in Germany

Credit: Hollywood.com

Here is a story about a young man named Justin Bieber and his monkey.

Justin was curious about monkeys. One day, he bought a baby capuchin monkey and they became the best of friends.

But having a monkey isn’t as easy as Justin thought. Monkeys don’t like speeding around in Lamborghinis and they can’t enter Germany without the proper vaccinations. Justin’s smile turned upside down.

Then he had an idea! “What if I just leave this monkey in quarantine in Munich? Then I can go on my world tour and post photos of my ex-girlfriend on Instagram so people think we’re back together!”

The monkey was taken to solitary confinement and Justin rode off into the sunset to sing simplistic pop songs to screaming tweenage girls.

But then, Germany came calling. “Come get your monkey before midnight on Friday!” they bellowed. “Or we’ll send him to a zoo where the keepers will love him and care for him with their extensive knowledge of exotic animal care.”

“Whatevs,” said Bieber, in an email to the Germans as he tried to skip along in his constrictive harem pants. 

“Fine then,” Germany said in a menacing tone. “We’ll give your monkey a good home and keep him happy, but you have to pay us thousands of dollars for taking care of him for those two months.”

Justin just shrugged, put on his favorite yellow hat, and dashed away through a tunnel of yelping girls.


Obviously, the quotes in this story didn’t happen. But Bieber really did abandon his monkey in Germany, and he did communicate that he’s giving up the monkey. It’s Bieber, not the monkey, who deserves a spanking for that. 

Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler and follow Hollywood.com @Hollywood_com

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