Kristen Stewart is not here for your personal amusement — let’s be very clear. In the August 21st issue of T, Stewart spoke about her struggle with fame and her highly publicized relationship with Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson.
“People wanted me and Rob to be together so badly that our relationship was made into a product. It wasn’t real life anymore. And that was gross to me,” said the actress. “It’s not that I want to hide who I am or hide anything I’m doing in my life. It’s that I don’t want to become a part of a story for entertainment value.”
Stewart and Pattinson aren’t Bella and Edward, but their relationship was so public that it was a major source of stress for the actress who had only recently risen to fame. After their breakup, the 26-year-old reportedly lost patches of hair because of stress.
The actress recently admitted to the massive amount of anxiety she experienced when she became a household name because of Twilight. She didn’t know how to handle it and threw up on a daily basis after suffering from panic attacks. While she definitely seems a lot less anxious now, she’s still not sure of the kind of publicity she wants to have.
“I’m not the typical showman. But at the same time, I want so badly to expose myself,” she said. “I want to be understood and I want to be seen, and I want to do that in the rawest, purest, most naked way I can.”
Stewart prefers to keep her relationships quiet (lest she have to undergo another media circus like her relationship with R-Patz), but she decided that it was important to raise LGBTQ awareness after she started dating girls.
“I would never talk about any of my relationships before, but once I started dating girls it seemed like there was an opportunity to represent something really positive,” she says of her romance with girlfriend Alicia Cargile. “I still want to protect my personal life, but I don’t want to seem like I’m protecting the idea, so that does sort of feel like I owe something to people.”
Steward admits that despite her anxieties, her feelings towards fame are “no longer negative or fear-based.”
“I do think that’s because of the storms I have weathered. It’s not that they make you stronger or calloused—but they do make you a human,” she said.