Mary-Kate and Ashley Can’t Stop Retiring

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen retiringWENN

In some cultures, selling your newborn babies to a corporation is frowned upon. But in the United States, we consider exploitation to be the wisest of investments. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen first won us over on Full House playing Michelle Tanner, a sassy young chimpanzee, notorious for scolding adult men while simultaneously filling her diapers. The Olsens went on to build an empire making a barrage of movies and television shows, most with a fictional plot of searching for one or both of their parents after being abandoned by them in some way or another.  So it’s no surprise that after their entire 27 years in the spotlight and acquiring a net worth of $300 million, Mary-Kate and Ashley have announced that they are retiring from acting.

“I think people looked at us with the perception of ‘Oh, you just have everything. You can do whatever,’ ” Mary Kate recently told Allure magazine, the cover story for the December issue. She later stated that she’s “not great at not being able to control the end product.” Essentially, she wants to convey to the public that things haven’t been handed to them; but if they aren’t in complete control of a project, they aren’t going to be a part of it. Got it? Ashley also told Allure: “I was reading scripts, and ultimately I just said to the people who were representing me, ‘I need to do things 100%. I don’t feel like I can give you 100% of my time.” Everybody knows that if you’re serious about something but you can’t give 100%, just give 0%. 

But don’t say goodbye to Mary-Kate and Ashley quite yet. They still own the production company Dualstar Entertainment Group, which they have used to create their own clothing line, The Row. They will be swinging their focus to high-end fashion pursuits, and are currently planning to open their first retail store in Los Angeles. If this story sounds familiar, it’s probably because nearly two years ago, Ashley announced to UK Elle that she was retiring from acting to focus on fashion. So we get it, guys, you’re reeeally retiring. And we’re really going to miss your roles on, uh. Uhh..