[IMG:L]8:01: And we’re off — just like most of first presenter J. Lo‘s gold outfit! She asks the A-listers in the audience if they’re having a good time tonight, a question usually reserved for a point in the ceremony when more than one minute has elapsed.
8:03: Kate Winslet becomes the night’s first winner for her supporting performance in The Reader, which pales in comparison to her “I can’t believe I won!” act tonight.
8:07: Miley Cyrus sticks her tongue out in recognition of being nominated for Best Original Song, alongside the likes of Clint Eastwood and Bruce Springsteen (who won for The Wrestler). Never again will those three be at the same awards ceremony, let alone nominated for the same award.
8:14: Rumer Willis gets a brief shout-out for being tonight’s Miss Golden Globe. Ashton Kutcher looks like such a proud boyfriend — I mean stepdad!
8:15: Tom Wilkinson wins for Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie. During Wilkinson’s acceptance speech, Jeremy Piven‘s ego can be heard whimpering at the Entourage table.
8:25: Don Cheadle presents the first (and worst) Best Motion Picture nominee, Burn After Reading — and shows off some unforeseen comedic chops in the process.
8:27: Well, time for a [insert almost any noun or verb] break, as the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is summoned for an overlong message. But wait — the message lasts less than a minute. It’s a trick!
8:29: Gabriel Byrne wins for In Treatment. He robs Jon Hamm and doesn’t even have the courtesy to show up?! Cold-blooded.
8:30: Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto, stars of this summer’s Star Trek (what is this, Comic-Con?), present the award for Best Actress in a TV Drama Series to Anna Paquin — which would be a shocking development if these were the Emmys and not the Globes.
8:36: Ricky Gervais strolls out, thus confirming that there will indeed be humor tonight. Too bad he’s introducing a Best Motion Picture nominee (Happy-Go-Lucky) instead of emceeing the rest of the proceedings.
8:38: The Jonas Brothers (yes, they were really at the Golden Globes) present one of the more predictable awards of the evening: Outstanding Animated Feature for Wall-E.
8:41: A Johnny Depp sighting! Depp, the only person in Hollywood more popular than a Jonas bro, draws a typically massive applause from the audience and a two-fingered whistle from Tom Hanks before calling out Sally Hawkins‘ name for Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical, and deservedly so (sorry, Meryl). Here’s hoping tonight’s victory is enough to at least secure an Oscar nomination for her amazing performance in Happy-Go-Lucky.
8:52: Presenters Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore really do look like mother-daughter (which is a good thing, since they play them on TV in HBO’s upcoming Grey Gardens). They announce the award for Best Miniseries or TV Movie, which naturally goes to John Adams, whose acceptor/exec producer Tom Hanks is WAY too comfortable in front of the entire TV-viewing world!
8:57: Ah, the most predictable category of all awards this season: Best Supporting Actor — aka Heath Ledger‘s Award. Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan accepts the award on Ledger’s behalf (answering that question) amidst a touching standing ovation partly led by Ledger’s co-nominee Tom Cruise. Nolan then delivers a quick, tasteful speech that is thankfully devoid of the cliched tension-breaking levity anecdote. It’s a speech he’ll definitely need to polish for next month’s Oscars.
9:05: Nominee Peter Morgan gets caught mocking presenter Tom Brokaw‘s mispronunciation of the word “screenplay” (“Skeenplay?” Morgan is seen mouthing).
9:18: Presenters/Zack and Miri Make a Porno costars Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks segue tenuously from a joke about Mickey Rourke‘s, ahem, supposed “cocaine days” to the award for Best Screenplay (which goes to Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog).
9:28: Presenter Renee Zell — what in God’s name is she wearing … in her hair?! Is it an homage to Edward Scissorhands? Man, is she gonna take a beating in the fashion roundups tomorrow.
9:29: While accepting his Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie award, Paul Giamatti thanks costar (and fellow John Adams winner) Tom Wilkinson for turning him on to cigarettes again.
Keep reading: The second half…
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[IMG:L]9:30: 30 Rock wins for Best Comedy Series, and — with all due respect to Ledger’s posthumous award (since we all knew he would win) — it begets the highlight of the night: Tracy Morgan‘s true-to-character, oddball acceptance speech. It includes what may be the funniest line in Golden Globes history: “The face of post-racial America … Deal wit’ it, Cate Blanchett!” Just so awesome in its random name-dropping of Blanchett.
9:46: Tina Fey wins for Best Actress in a Comedy Series. It’s unsurprising only because the true best actress in a comedy series, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, wasn’t even nominated! But it helps that Fey’s acceptance speech is hilarious, singling out Internet haters who can “suck it.”
9:54: Martin Scorsese presents Steven Spielberg with the Cecil B. Demille award, marking perhaps the first time a lifetime-achievement segment is actually watchable … until it takes up approximately 15 minutes.
10:13: Best Director nominee David Fincher refuses to acknowledge the camera for a second time when his name is referenced, but luckily for him, Slumdog helmer Danny Boyle is the one forced to give an acceptance speech.
10:17: Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy winner Colin Farrell (for In Bruges) is downright shocked over his victory — and yet still slightly less shocked than most people watching at home. Although each nominee in that category was pretty surprising.
10:28: Presenter Sacha Baron Cohen plugs his upcoming mockumentary Bruno before taking a thinly veiled shot at Madonna and Guy Ritchie that elicits quite the uncomfortable silence from the celebs in attendance. He quickly gets to the award for Best Musical or Comedy, which predictably goes to Vicky Cristina Barcelona and which is predictably not accepted by director Woody Allen (who predictably isn’t even on hand).
10:37: Meryl Streep loses for the second time tonight and Kate Winslet wins for the second time. During her acceptance speech for the Best Actress in a Drama award, Winslet forgets the name of one of her fellow nominees — and, oh no, it’s Angelina Jolie! Yikes. Will Winslet still have a job tomorrow?
10:43: Mad Men wins the biggest TV prize of the night, Best Drama Series, for a second straight year. Good thing AMC recently renewed the show for a third season!
10:49: Mickey Rourke is treated to the loudest applause of the night when he wins Best Actor in a Drama for The Wrestler, officially completing his storybook comeback (although winning the Best Actor Oscar next month wouldn’t hurt). Rourke thanks director Darren Aronofsky — who promptly gives him the finger … but doesn’t get censored! — and his much-publicized pack of Chihuahuas. Apparently the audience members are big Chihuahua fans.
10:58: Speaking of comebacks, Tom Cruise presents the final and biggest award of the night: Best Drama. Slumdog wins again, and even though the Hollywood Foreign Press Association obviously favors foreign movies, it’s fair expect the same outcome at next month’s Oscars.
