The worst interview I ever conducted was with one Paul Reubens. He clearly didn’t want to talk to me, which was fine, but I figured we’d both at least attempt it as it was our job. He still wasn’t into it. Regardless, he’s now joined The Smurfs cast, along with Katy Perry, Hank Azaria, Neil Patrick Harris, and George Lopez.
The movie is listed as a CGI/live-action hybrid film. I’ll let you figure out what that means (hint: Marmaduke style). The film was originally slated to come out this December, but is now set for August of 2011 instead. Given the cast, theme, and director Raja Gosnell (Home Alone 3, Big Momma’s House, Scooby-Doo, Beverly Hills Chihuahua) you’ve got to figure this will probably be awful, no offense intended to anyone involved.
Earlier in the week Hollywood.com weighed in on the Apple vs. Gizmodo fiasco, and the rocky future of entertainment blogging. However, I’d like to go at this from a different angle, leaving Apple’s dubious legal position (at least according to this guy) far behind. You may believe that Apple was well within its rights to 1) seek a warrant, 2) have the police kick in a fella’s door, and 3) take all of his gear. Fair enough. I won’t contest that issue, mostly because I’m not a legal expert.
Here’s my question, regardless of legality: was this the absolute “coolest” route they could have gone? Or does it feel like the move an evil stepmom from a Disney film would make?
Companies in this day and age, especially ones with market cachet like Apple, do business on a virtual raft of “cool-points.” The prototype of a person who uses a Mac is a director, a writer, a graphic designer and the like. I can’t tell you how many cutting edge folks I’ve had look at my Toshiba laptop and say “lame.” Most movies and television shows feature an Apple computer when they want to indicate the subject matter is “hip” and “fresh.” The iPod was the coolest way to carry your music. The iPad is only needed if you’ve got to surf the web with style. Heck, even the initial iPhone drew “ooohs” and “aaaaahs” if you were one of the fortunate few to carry it around when it first came out. As such, Apple became the “hipster” brand pitted against Microsoft’s behemoth, against Blackberry’s businessman vibe, against Dell’s “average Joe” PC user.
Now enter “Kicked in a bloggers door” into that equation. Not “kicked in IBMs door” or “Waged war against Google.” Is this a story you’d tell at a party to impress someone? Is this “what the kids are doing?” Hell. and No. It’s the uncoolest move possible. Sure, protecting your intellectual property is needed, and all companies should engage in it. But the cat was out of the bag here. The phone was already lost. The cool thing would have been to launch an advertising campaign called “Everybody Wants One” with the Gizmodo fellow rambling in the background. Apple could have turned this into a marketing win. Instead, they went the route of the bully-jerk. The bulljerk, if you will. And nothing is uncooler in contemporary society than 1) Leaning on a judge and the police while 2) Crushing a tech blog. That’s almost the very definition of uncool. It’s painfully square, and I say this as someone who is personally not very cool at all. This is the move your grandpa makes, it’s the plan a third-world dictator hatches. You can come back from a lot of things as a company, but it’s hard to escape from the “uncool” perception. And that’s exactly what Apple saddled themselves with this week.
Apple, you should have known better. I award you no points, and may God have mercy upon your soul.*
3. Sequels As Far as the Eye Can See.
It looks as though sequels for How to Train Your Dragon, Journey to the Center of the Earth, and Clash of the Titans are on the way. Here are my thoughts on each:
1. How to Train Your Dragon: This will work, so long as they bring the same team of directors back.
2. Journey to the Center of the Earth: The first one had an odd charm, and was released before 3-D came off as tiresome. So yeah, the children will love it.
3. Clash of the Titans: The first one didn’t make any sense, but that’s because they cut it up beyond all recognition in the editing bay. I say we give them another shot.
4. Secretariat, Jonah Hex, and Black Heaven!
Jonah Hex has a new trailer out, but that will be at a theater near you soon enough, why not enjoy a little bit of French cinema and a Triple Crown winner instead? The first trailer is for a film called Black Heaven; it’s set to premiere at The Cannes Film Festival. It looks innovative, dangerous, compelling, the works. Just watch the trailer, but maximize the screen for an easier time reading the subtitles. Directly below that is a first look at Secretariat, a film which could make Seabiscuit look downright silly by comparison. The trailer looks really solid. Speaking of horses, take a hard look at the #5 horse for your Kentucky Derby bets this weekend. Looks can’t miss to this guy.
On that note, I hope you all have a great weekend, full of merriment and mint juleps.
Check out last week’s Movie Musings here
Laremy is the lead critic and senior producer for a website named Film.com. He’s also available on Twitter.
* Quotes from Billy Madison are always cool.
