1. Two Solid New Releases?
I can’t believe it either, but both How to Train Your Dragon and Hot Tub Time Machine are solid films. To be fair, they were made for specific demographics, so don’t rush off to buy a ticket before you hear me out. How to Train Your Dragon is a nice little animated treat, a la Kung Fu Panda, but with better visuals. The directors of this were the same guys behind Lilo and Stitch, a woefully under-appreciated movie. And Hot Tub Time Machine? It’s a well-built situational comedy that actually relies very little on the premise itself. It’s mostly a buddy movie, forsaking all those easy ’80s punchlines. Kudos to both sets of filmmakers, and thanks for a couple of March movies worth talking about.
2. Kevin Smith Becomes a Logic Vortex.
C. Robert Cargill
chronicled the whole fiasco here, but I think it’s worth a “list-mode” recounting of Kevin Smith’s ramblings over the past few months. It’s scary in there, so please stay close to your guide.
1. Critics hate Cop Out, but they are wrong!
2. Don’t let the critics decide, buy a ticket and decide for yourself!
3. Well what did you expect from a film called Cop Out?
4. Critics shouldn’t get to see movies for free!
Luckily, I’ve got a refutation for each point. In order:
1. Actually, it’s “people” that, overall, don’t really like Cop Out, at least according to the numbers. The film has a 6.1 out of 10 on the notoriously kind IMDB.com charts. That makes it the Worst Film Kevin Smith Has Ever Directed. These are not the opinions of critics, it’s just simple math. Eight of Kevin Smith’s movies are better than Cop Out, at least based on the fan voting. So yeah, dude made a bad movie, these things happen.
2. This is like saying “Don’t read Consumer Reports! Just buy my toaster!!” It’s a snake-oil technique, devoid of logic. And really, again, the problem was that people listened to their friends who said “Cop Out? Egh, it’s not great.”
3. We, the people, expect a good movie. And we expect you try to make a good movie. And it’s insane that you can rationalize away your own poor performance with a “it’s a silly movie!” diatribe. People work their whole lives to direct a film with 1/10th of the budget Cop Out was made for. You should be ashamed, fella. Pick up the pieces and do better next time.
4. This is the loopiest argument. The millionaire director lashing out at a group of people who essentially do what they love for free. Yes, by all means, they should pay to see your terrible film. Well played. Look, if you need the eight bucks I’ll mail it your way. Just let me know where, I wouldn’t want to shortchange you. But maybe, just maybe, from here on out you should spend less time defending poorly done cinema and more time making great movies… as you’ve done before. It’s not too late for you to become a person of substance, Mr. Smith. Just put your head down, ignore the negativity, and get back to doing good work.
3. The Looming 3-D Battle
The studios love the extra three bucks per ticket they are getting for 3-D films. The only problem? Now they all want in on the action. Next weekend the first major test for the format hits, three films need 3-D screens, Clash of the Titans, How to Train Your Dragon and Alice in Wonderland. There seem to be around 3,500 3-D screens, and of course each studio wants as many as possible for their film.
Dreamworks is holding Iron Man 2 over the distributor’s heads to get How to Train Your Dragon into theaters, while Warner Bros. wants screens to transition from Alice in Wonderland to Clash of the Titans, leaving Dragon out of the game entirely. It’s a dangerous game of hot potato, and one studio is going to end up getting mashed. Or at least not make as much money as they’d hoped for.
Bonus Random Thought: C’mon, Clash of the Titans doesn’t deserve the screens. The 3-D was done in post-production, whereas How to Train Your Dragon was always going to be a 3-D film. Titans in 3-D is a pure money grab, and in the spirit of fairness it shouldn’t be rewarded for that type of behavior. Theaters unite!
4. Transformers 3 Gets Artsty
You can just see Michael Bay screaming out of his giant tower, can’t you? “You WANT Actors! I’ll GIVE you actors! To wit, Frances McDormand and John Malkovich have been cast in the next Transformers film. That’s six Oscar nominations added to the cast, with McDormand taking home a little golden man for her work in Fargo. However, the first two films grossed over $1.5 billion in worldwide ticket sales; proof enough that something is working. Still, I’m pleased to see these two great actors get rewarded. Let’s call it a “lifetime achievement” paycheck.
Bonus Random Thought: On the other hand, John Turturro was in the first two films of the franchise and he didn’t add anything, did he?
5. Brad Bird Goes Live Action?
How do you revive the Mission Impossible franchise? By bringing in a guy who does excellent animation.
Wait, what?
Pixar’s Brad Bird, the director behind Ratatouille and The Incredibles is in the running to direct Mission Impossible 4. This is so crazy that it just might work. The animation houses all work with 3-D images throughout the process, so Bird would be just as proficient in setting up and getting shots as any other director. It would be a bold and innovative choice. Those usually pay off.
Bonus Random Thought: I’m one of the few who liked Mission Impossible 3 so I’m probably going to dig whatever direction they go here, though I maintain that Pete Docter is the best Pixar director out there, by a rather large margin.
On that note, I hope you all have an animated weekend!.
Check out last week’s Movie Musings here
Laremy is the lead critic and senior producer for a website named Film.com. He’s also available on Twitter.
