Lights…Video camera…Action! Let the talking begin.
The anecdotal, but ever-glossy banter that often ensues when celebs get mauled by the theatrical View quintet–or are forced to ‘be amusing’ on the quick-witted Conan O’Brien show–always entertains. It supplies us with a curious glimpse at what these larger-than-life stars are like in the ‘real’ world.
Here, for your comprehensive viewing pleasure, is a beefy listing of who is appearing on which talk show this week and what they’ll probably talk about in the hot seat. Even if you’ve already heard mouth-off on the same topics before, it’s somehow always new—well, sort of…
But first—let’s rewind:
Last Week’s Highlight
Talk shows have a funny way of acting as a litmus test for identifying whatever the ‘hot topic’ is in the news that week. If Dave, Jay, Conan and Jon are all, collectively, on the same page as one another in terms of their monologue material, then you can be sure that we are in the midst of a giant story.
Yes, we hit a big one. As much of an old news story that it’s already become in just one short week, it’s still pretty powerful to type the sentence: Vice President Dick Cheney shot someone in the face. All talk show hosts were immediately called to duty and expected to deliver their A-material. They must’ve removed their designer suits from their hangers, like soldiers would their fatigues–with honor, and with a sense that combat was about to rear its violent, valiant head.
Never a friend of late night hosts to begin with, it simply took Cheney’s one misfired birdshot, and the jokes started flapping across the networks. Letterman dedicated his trademark ‘Top Ten’ list to the inaccurate V.P. And Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, of course, had some of the week’s best material, with quips like, “Moms, dads, if you’re watching right now, I can’t emphasize enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don’t care what kind of lucrative contracts they’re trying to land, or energy regulations they’re trying to get lifted. It’s just not worth it.”
Monday, February 20th
Live With Regis & Kelly
Oscar isn’t always a great boost for everyone’s career. After taking one home for Jerry Maguire, Cuba Gooding Jr. has had a slew of box office clunkers. On Regis, we’ll see if he can make his new flick Dirty sound any better. Also the beginning of Live’s Beautiful Baby Week.
The View
Primetime soap star James Denton from Desperate Housewives, and daytime soap star Maurice Benard guest. Fun but insubstantial pop group The Pussycat Dolls perform.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Snowboarder Shaun White displays his new Olympic gold medal, Penny Marshall mumbles, and Alyson Hannigan giggles about Date Movie on Ellen.
The Late Show With David Letterman
The winner of this weekend’s Daytona 500 talks to Dave about his need for speed.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Rob Schneider and Tom Green help Jay cover the Olympics.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Future Chips star Wilmer Valderrama, and guitarist Billy Gibbons.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
The Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
William Shatner does his best William Shatner impression for Craig; romantic voice Andrea Bocelli performs.
Tuesday, February 21th
Live With Regis & Kelly
Daytona 500 Winner; and Beautiful Baby Week continues. No word yet on when Ugly Baby Week is scheduled for.
The View
It’s impossible to get sick of watching promos for her disturbing children’s video–Roseanne and celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck guest.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Simon Cowell, who has been catching heat for being cruder than ever to hopeful Idols, gets an earful from Ellen. James Blunt performs.
The Late Show With David Letterman
Matthew Fox, whose Lost character Jack never runs out of medicine on the deserted island, and comedian Brian Regan chat with Dave.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
The legendary singer with big…talent, Dolly Parton visits Leno.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
We thought once Kelly Ripa took over her seat, she’d be out of our lives–alas, no–Kathie Lee Gifford comes to Kimmel to talk about…hmmm? Augustana performs.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
The Olympics pre-empts Conan
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
Carl Reiner talks to Craig about his 50+ years in the business of show; Nadine Velasquez from My Names Is Earl also appears.
Wednesday, February 22nd
Live With Regis & Kelly
Matthew Fox probably wishes he could be stranded on an island with Heidi Klum. For now, he’ll just have to share the Live stage with her.
The View
Jaime Pressly, a very convincible hillbilly on My Name is Earl, talks to The View gals.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Kinetic Christina Applegate and Freedomland’s Samuel L. Jackson both stop in.
The Late Show With David Letterman
Arrivals by Oscar favorite Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote, and the trash talking Teutals from Discovery Channel’s American Chopper.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
The constantly gesticulating Howie Mandel discusses whether there is a deal or not.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Simon Cowell hopefully spills to Jimmy about his new talk show: “It’s inconsistent. Sometimes funny–other times awwwful.” Hip Hop trio Dilated Peoples perform.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
The Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
William H. Macy, of the Sundance festival hit, Thank You for Smoking, guests.
Thursday, February 23rd
Live With Regis & Kelly
Jimmy Fallon, and the master of many roles in Madea’s Family Reunion, Tyler Perry.
The View
CSI’s Marg Helgenberger and the comic squad of Penn & Teller and Carrot Top all descend upon the ladies.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Front-runners on Dancing With the Stars, Stacy Keibler & Tony Dovolani show off their cha-cha. Dolly Parton appears, as well as The Office nerd, Rainn Wilson.
The Late Show With David Letterman
Taking on Broadway in Barefoot in the Park, Amanda Peet walks down to Dave’s studio. Jack Hanna brings some deadly animals.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
2005’s breakthrough star, and Oscar hopeful, Terrence Howard visits Jay.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Cuba Gooding Jr. shows Jimmy Kimmel the money (…he made from a lot of recent, bad movies).
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
The Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
Samuel L. Jackson ends his tour of cool promotion with a stop at The Late Late Show. Cokie Roberts also appears.
Friday, February 24th
Live With Regis & Kelly
Whoopi Goldberg brings her sharp tongue to the co-host chair; the winner of Beautiful Baby week is crowned.
The View
Celine Dion sings songs, and talks about life in the bizarre bubble that she calls home.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show
I’m really running out of fresh things to say about stars of Desperate Housewives. Can I just have one week off from hearing one of their names–please? Marcia Cross and fast talker Rosie Perez chat with Ellen.
The Late Show With David Letterman
Golden Globe winner Hugh Laurie plans to try out his well-practiced British accent on Dave. Oh, he’s really British? Who knew? Also, Ne-Yo performs.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Tyler Perry, and more Olympics coverage.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Once considered for the lead role in 2006’s Superman Returns, Paul Walker will now have to deal with promoting Disney’s Eight Below. Fair trade.
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
The Olympics pre-empts Conan.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
In 2006, director Kevin Smith will release a sequel to the movie that made him famous, Clerks. Beloved Dolly Parton finishes up a busy week and The Cult perform.
Yes, there’s a lot to schedule this week! And do make sure to keep the remote control close by, so you can soak in as many talk shows as possible. One can never get too much.
