Welcome Who Back?
Dimension Films has completed a deal to turn the ABC series Welcome Back, Kotter into a feature film, with Ice Cube producing and playing the title character. Tom Brady (The Hot Chick) is finalizing a deal to write the script and direct. First of all, I’m not going to even comment on turning Kotter into a movie. I think you know how I feel about that. But Ice Cube as Kotter? Guess they are going for a different interpretation–unless the rapper-turned-actor decides to play a white Jewish guy. According to Variety, the rights to the series that ran from 1975-79 were controlled by the show’s creators, Gabe Kaplan and Alan Sacks. Kaplan originated the role Ice Cube will play, a teacher who returns to his tough, inner-city alma mater, where he meets a new generation of underprivileged troublemakers who are as unmotivated as he used to be. Ice Cube, a product of the inner city, sparked to a project that allowed him a return to the ‘hood. “There was no bigger fan of the original show than me, and I’m very excited to be able to put a new twist on it,” Ice Cube told Variety. They say the film will be played for laughs (well, good lord, I hope so) with a tone comparable to School of Rock. “We were skeptical about selling Kotter because making a great movie from a TV show can be challenging,” Kaplan said. Yeah, no kidding. But those wily Weinstein brothers convinced him. Now, who’s going to play Vinnie Barbarino, Horshack, Epstein and Washington?
J. Lo Does Dallas
Knowing that the infamous primetime soap, which chronicled the exploits of wealthy Texas oil millionaires and their shady business dealings and dysfunctional families, was being made into a movie, I’ve been up nights wondering who in the heck is going to play the Ewings. And now that I finally have some answers, I have to say I’m a tad disappointed. First, there’s John Travolta as J.R. I think he can certainly handle the over-the-top villainy but not sure about the Texan accent. Jennifer Lopez is being touted for the part of Sue Ellen Ewing. All wrong. Can you see her as a boozy desperate housewife? I think she’d be better suited as the sweet Pam. Luke Wilson is negotiating to play Bobby Ewing. OK, that one I’ll acquiesce to; Bobby is milquetoast and so is Luke. And finally, Ms. Queen-Bee herself, Shirley MacLaine is down for the part of Miss Ellie Ewing. I’m sure she’ll play her nothing like Barbara Bel Geddes did in the TV show. All that’s left is Pam and the feisty teenager Lucy. I just hope this movie is going to be pure camp.
Mostly Catherine
The studios really don’t have an original thought in their collective brains. In this column alone, you can see it–but it still sometimes baffles me. This time I’m referring to a big splashy American remake of the delightful French comedy Mostly Martha. Starring Catherine Zeta-Jones, the story centers on a top notch female chef whose life is turned upside-down when she becomes the guardian of her niece after her sister is killed. She has to adapt to a different lifestyle and uses food as a means to express her roller-coaster life. It’s not that this can’t be remade–it’s just why? Why is it necessary to make an American version? Apparently, Zeta-Jones is taking the role very seriously. She baffled guests at a New York restaurant recently when she waited on their tables. Cooking colleagues claim Zeta-Jones was so good at her job, she fooled all her customers. A source tells People magazine, “One night she did a little serving. A few people said to her, ‘You look so much like Catherine Zeta-Jones. “And she said, ‘Oh, I get that all the time.'” Her restaurant boss Michael White adds, “She’s been doing a lot in the kitchen–sautéing and cutting. She’s a great garnisher. Drizzling oil and balsamic on plates–she does a nice job.” At least Catherine has got that going for her–which is nice.
Haggis Tackles Terrorism
Hot off his best picture win for Crash, writer/director Paul Haggis is in final negotiations to direct and produce Against All Enemies, a project based on Richard A. Clarke’s best-selling memoir chronicling the Bush administration’s handling of terrorist threats. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Clarke, a former U.S. terrorism czar, offers the ultimate insider’s account into the nation’s security apparatus, featuring a cast of power brokers that includes President Bush, Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld and himself. The book was published by Free Press in March 2004 and hit No. 1 on the New York Times best-seller list, fueling intense criticism over the administration’s security failures and its decision to go to war with Iraq. It is unclear whether Haggis will tackle this rather explosive political drama (and honestly, I can’t see it ever getting made) next or sandwich in another directing project first. Geez, Haggis sure likes to make it difficult for himself. I mean, didn’t he have a minor heart attack making Crash? What do you think this one will do to him?
Elizabeth Returns
Now, here’s a sequel that makes sense. You know, because it’s history and everything. Cate Blanchett is set to reprise her Oscar-nominated role as Queen Elizabeth I in The Golden Age. The Shekhar Kapur-directed biopic picks up the tale 15 years after the events in the first Elizabeth and will climax with the Spanish Armada’s attempt to invade Britain. It will also examine the Queen’s relationship with Sir Walter Raleigh, played by Clive Owen and Mary Queen of Scots, played by Samantha Morton. Also reprising his role is Geoffrey Rush as spymaster Sir Francis Walsingham. Wow, what a great cast. Maybe Blanchett will win the Academy Award this time around.
LaBeouf’s Living in Disturbia; Aja Goes Into a Black Hole
Shia LaBeouf, who most recently starred in the golf drama The Greatest Game Ever Played, has enrolled in the thriller Disturbia. LaBeouf will play a troubled high school senior who is sentenced to house arrest after an outburst of anger at school. While at home, he becomes convinced that his neighbor is a serial killer. Oh, come on, who doesn’t think that these days? And more on that theme…French filmmaker Alexandre Aja, who just successfully remade The Hills Have Eyes, will direct Black Hole, a teen chiller based on an acclaimed comic book series by Charles Burns. The story follows a group of high school students whose lives are altered drastically when they come in contact with a sexually transmitted disease called the “teen plague” or “the bug.” While some exhibit only a rash or a few bumps, others turn into horribly disfigured monsters or grow hideous new body parts. The disease upends the teens’ already turbulent adolescent emotions and brings them to the boiling point. Now if that’s not a big ad for safe sex, I don’t know what is.
Crouching Tiger: The Musical!
Bob and Harvey Weinstein are planning to bring a stage version of martial arts pic Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to the stage, and are also developing the five books that encompass Crouching Tiger as a film franchise of three prequels and a sequel. An ambitious undertaking to say the least. Harvey Weinstein told Variety that he envisions the project as a “combination spectacle and musical with a cohesive (storyline).” He added that the stage version would be akin to “Cirque du Soleil with a pronounced narrative, featuring the greatest martial artists.” Sounds pretty spectacular, actually. As far as the films go, they would follow the original Crane–Iron books, which comprise five martial arts novels that follow the adventures of three generations of related protagonists during the Qing dynasty. The Oscar-winning Crouching Tiger was distributed by Sony Pictures Classics. Harvey Weinstein was hospitalized back when the rights to Crouching Tiger were acquired, and his Miramax banner missed out on the project as a result, he said. “That has irked me ever since,” he quipped. And you know how Harvey gets when he’s irked. Watch out!
From Penguins to Birdmen
Got birds? The Oscar-winning production team behind the documentary March of the Penguins is focusing on the journey of an entirely different flock of birds in the rockumentary Amen Birdmen: Across the Atlantic, chronicling a French band’s trek toward success across the U.S. According to the Reporter, producers Yves Darondeau, Christophe Lioud and Emmanuel Priou and director Yannis Mangematin recently have begun tracking the band Amen Birdmen for a year as they tour the states. The production has garnered unrestricted access to the band’s activities as its members meet with record executives, publishers and DJs along the way. “In a country where even french fries are ridiculed, does a French rock band even stand a chance?” Darondeau said of the humorous English-language documentary. “If Amen Birdmen scores big, their legend will be forever immortalized on tape. If they fail, the cameras will be there to capture their Icarus-like fall.” A real-life Spinal Tap; I love it!
Until next week…
