Shut Yo’ Mouth: Heidi Montag

Heidi, my dear. It’s unwise to get a restraining order against your mother, and I’ll tell you why. It’s pointless because your restraining order isn’t going to convince your mother she was wrong in telling your fake face it looks fake (mainly because it does, and because she was right). You also shouldn’t distance yourself from perhaps the only person in the world who can prove to the government that you were born a human, and weren’t built by child laborers in Japan. This is a census year, after all.