[IMG:L]On the eve of SNL’s 34th-season finale, we predict who among its 13 cast members has what it takes to succeed in movies and TV, you know, like Tina Fey — and who doesn’t, you know, like Gary Kroeger (Exactly.)
Fred Armisen
Seasons on SNL: 7
Recurring Characters: Venezuelan showman Fericito, comedian Nicholas Fehn, art dealer Nuni Schoener
Celebrity Impersonations: Joy Behar, Barack Obama, Prince
Makes Us Laugh? Need to lampoon a world leader no matter his color or ethnicity? Just slap makeup on this ex-drummer, who first caught our eye as the timbale-happy Fericito. He’s mocked Hugo Chávez, Vicente Fox and, in Andy Samberg’s creepy ballad “Iran So Far,” Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. That Armisen portrays two African-American politicians — President Obama and beleaguered New York Gov. David Paterson — is as much a testament to his chameleon-like comedic qualities as it is an indictment of the current cast’s lack of diversity.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? If Hollywood can throw good money at Chris Kattan and try to turn him into a star, why not give Armisen a shot? Given his ability to disappear into a role, Armisen could find success by going the Mike Myers route. Unfortunately, none of Armisen’s SNL recurring characters is worthy of a movie. So until Armisen creates his own Austin Powers, he’ll have to make do with lending his support to such films as The Promotion and this summer’s Post Grad.
KEEP READING: Chris Elliot Offspring Makes Good! [PAGEBREAK]
Abby Elliott
Seasons on SNL: 1
Recurring Characters: none
Celebrity Impersonations: Angelina Jolie, Rachel Maddow
Makes Us Laugh? Chris Elliott lasted one SNL season, so it’s not like his daughter Abby is toiling in his shadow. That said, it’s too early to tell whether this new featured player deserves a promotion. Sure, she made an indelible impression on “Weekend Update” as a preening, baby-snatching Angelina Jolie, but if her lackluster Rachel Maddow is a truer indication of her abilities, then it won’t be long before we wonder whether nepotism led to her being hired by head honcho Lorne Michaels.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? At 21, one of SNL’s youngest cast members in history could have Hollywood at her feet — if she’s inherited her father’s talent and timing. Luckily, she wasn’t cursed with his goofy looks and dorky demeanor, which explains why she served as eye candy in the Fast and the Bi-Curious spoof trailer. If she makes her presence felt next season, Elliott could easily land the broad comic roles that went to the equally cute-as-a-button Drew Barrymore when she was in her twenties.
KEEP READING: Our Favorite “Dick in a Box” Dude! [PAGEBREAK]
Andy Samberg
Seasons on SNL: 4
Recurring Characters: Deep House Dish co-host T’Shane
Celebrity Impersonations: Mark Wahlberg, newspaper comic-strip character Cathy
Makes Us Laugh? No one’s embraced the freedom that the SNL Digital Shorts allow than this “Dick in a Box” gift-giver (no wonder he’s hosting the SNL special Just Shorts on Sunday, May 17 at 9PM). The song parodies that Samberg whips up with his Lonely Island pals — and occasionally Justin Timberlake — always hit their Incredibad targets. Film spoofs like Laser Cats, though, need work — they’re silly, not amusing. In studio skits, Samberg’s man-hungry mess named Cathy is funnier than the comic strip, and he’ll undoubtedly poke more fun at Wahlberg when hosting the MTV Movie Awards on May 31.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? Samberg’s sole attempt to persuade the frat-boy crowd to follow him to theaters crashed and burned with the Adam Sandler-lit Hot Rod; and oh, the less said about Space Chimps, the better. A little of Samberg, though, went a long way in I Love You, Man. His best bet: Write a comedy that reflects his pop culture-infused comic sensibilities, so he can succeed where the equally snarky Jimmy Fallon failed. How about a bromance with Timberlake? That would be a mother-lovin’ riot.
KEEP READING: Wiig’n Out! [PAGEBREAK]
Kristen Wiig
Seasons on SNL: 4
Recurring Characters: Mean girl Gilly, the competitive Penelope, Target Lady
Celebrity Impersonations: Jamie Lee Curtis, Nancy Pelosi, Suze Orman
Makes Us Laugh? The wily, wiry Wiig now ranks as SNL’s funniest woman thanks to Amy Poehler’s departure. Refusing to get by on her beauty, Wiig constantly transforms herself into dowdy, infuriating social misfits we don’t want to become in our old age. As SNL’s senior female cast member, Wiig should now mentor Abby Elliott, especially on how to impersonate TV personalities. There’s speculation that Wiig may co-anchor Weekend Update Thursday. Fine, but SNL will suffer if Wiig’s stuck behind the desk on Saturdays.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? If Tina Fey can shatter the glass ceiling by being the first female SNL cast member to make it in the movies, Wiig should endeavor to be right behind her. Having made small but impressive contributions to Adventureland and Knocked Up, Wiig should get Hollywood’s attention if she shines in Mike Judge’s Extract and Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut Whip It!. If not, then Wiig should again look to Fey as an inspiration and find herself an unconventional sitcom deserving of her sharp wit.
KEEP READING: Sheer “Will” [PAGEBREAK]
Will Forte
Seasons on SNL: 7
Recurring Characters: Political candidate Tim Calhoun, the Falconer, adventurer MacGruber
Celebrity Impersonations: U.S. Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner, Bruce Jenner, Bruce Springsteen
Makes Us Laugh? Given his long tenure, Forte has created more recurring characters than most of his colleagues — but they are trapped in predictable skits. The Falconer always gets attacked by his pet bird of prey; a jittery Tim Calhoun sweats his way through an awful campaign speech; and MacGruber blows himself up. The “MacGruber” sketch jumped the shark this season with its Pepsi ads and guest appearances by MacGyver himself, Richard Dean Anderson.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? Did you see The Brothers Solomon? Highly unlikely. If you had, you would quickly deduce that Forte’s penchant for playing knuckleheads suffering from arrested development is best sampled in bite-sized portions. That certainly rules out headlining his own sitcom — Forte doesn’t do “likeable” well. So it’s perhaps for the best that he’s now committing himself to taking supporting roles in such upcoming films as Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, A Good Old Fashioned Orgy and Broken Lizard’s The Slammin’ Salmon.
KEEP READING: No Hate For Hader! [PAGEBREAK]
Bill Hader
Seasons on SNL: 4
Recurring Characters: Italian talk-show host Vinny Vedecci, Laser Cats’ Nitro
Celebrity Impersonations: Peter O’Toole, Al Pacino, Vincent Price, former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer
Makes Us Laugh? Who cares whether or not Hader is really fluent in several other languages — he sure sounds like he is when grilling freaked-out guests in his rapid-fire Italian on “La Rivista Della Televisione Con Vinny Vedecci” or playing Dwight Schrute in “Japanese Office.” (Listen for his great new accent in September’s Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.) He’s also just as comfortable playing bundles of nerves — watch those eyes pop out! — and cocksure cads (his oily, unrepentant Spitzer works perfectly with Fred’s Armisen David Paterson).
Ready for “Real” Stardom? This Judd Apatow regular effortlessly stole scenes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Pineapple Express, and he was more than Seth Rogen’s equal in Superbad. So it’s only a matter of time before Hader can turn down minor roles such as Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian’s George Custer to carry his own comedy. How about a Vinny Vedecci spinoff? Or another outing with Kristen Wiig? As Adventureland proved, these SNLers bring out the best in each other.
KEEP READING: Hamm(ond)in’ It Up! [PAGEBREAK]
Darrell Hammond
Seasons on SNL: 14
Recurring Characters: Skeeter the redneck
Celebrity Impersonations: Dick Cheney, Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Sean Connery, Donald Trump
Makes Us Laugh? No wonder this man of many faces ranks as the longest-serving cast member in SNL history (he’s logged six years more than Seth Meyers): His impersonations of celebrities and politicians are so hilariously dead-on that he becomes the target of his ridicule before our eyes. It’s impossible to think of Sean Connery without recalling Hammond constantly needling Will Ferrell’s Alex Trebek during “Celebrity Jeopardy!” He also possesses a Phil Hartman-like selfless quality that makes him SNL’s most invaluable utility player.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? If the 53-year-old Hammond isn’t a movie star after 14 years on SNL, he probably never will be (but dang, does he kill his Donald Trump impersonation). However, comedy isn’t his lone option: His deliciously dark turn on Damages not only comes as a surprise but offers proof that he could pursue more dramatically challenging roles.
KEEP READING: Mighty Meyers! [PAGEBREAK]
Seth Meyers
Seasons on SNL: 8
Recurring Characters: Nerod the receptionist, Dan Needler
Celebrity Impersonations: Anderson Cooper, John Kerry, Ryan Seacrest
Makes Us Laugh? With Amy Poehler wasting away on Parks and Recreation, the burden of anchoring “Weekend Update” now falls solely on the shoulders of SNL’s head writer. From the undisciplined Norm MacDonald to the ill-prepared Jimmy Fallon, Meyers is the most polished faux newsman since Kevin Nealon — but that also makes him the most nondescript anchor since Nealon. Meyers can hit a punch line out of the park, but he’s constantly undone by poor writing and lousy commentators like financial analyst Oscar Rogers.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? Will Weekend Update be must-see TV during a non-election year? We’ll find out in the fall when Meyers hosts a Thursday primetime edition, possibly with Kristen Wiig. Positioning himself as the next Jon Stewart isn’t such a bad thing for Meyers. Most male “Weekend Update” anchors fade into obscurity (MacDonald, Colin Quinn) or end up trying their hand at late-night TV (Fallon, Dennis Miller).
KEEP READING: What Up Watkins! [PAGEBREAK]
Michaela Watkins
Seasons on SNL: 1
Recurring Characters: Bitchpleeze.com’s Angie Tempura
Celebrity Impersonations: Arianna Huffington, Hoda Kotb, Barbara Walters
Makes Us Laugh? Unlike Casey Wilson, Watkins has quickly found herself a niche on SNL after just a few shows. She’s replaced Amy Poehler as the go-to girl for withering impersonations of middle-aged TV divas in need of being knocked off their stools. Her Zac Efron-loving, iced coffee-sipping celebrity blogger Angie Tempura — with her “Bitch, pleeze” catchphrase — is fast becoming a vital contributor to “Weekend Update.” Oh, and wouldn’t Watkins bring a touch of Real Housewives of New York classlessness to “The Cougar Den”?!
Ready for Primetime or Movie Theaters?: This ex-Groundling — who enjoyed a pre-SNL guest stint on The New Adventures of Old Christine — likely has a sitcom in her future if she can challenge Kirsten Wiig and emerge as the show’s dominant alpha female á la Amy Poehler, Tina Fey or Molly Shannon. If not, she’ll be condemned to the same fate as Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, and Cheri Oteri. They all struggled to capitalize on their SNL credentials in any meaningful way since departing the show. Watkins deserves better.
KEEP READING: No Mo’ Moynihan! [PAGEBREAK]
Bobby Moynihan
Seasons on SNL: 1
Recurring Characters: Pizzeria Uno waiter Mark Payne, the son of Italian talk show host Vinny Vedecci.
Celebrity Impersonations: Barney Frank, Nathan Lane
Makes Us Laugh?: This token fat white guy’s no Chris Farley or John Belushi. He’s not even Jim Belushi! The featured Player has barely stolen any laughs, and it’s troubling that he’s yet to hit us with a Hulu-worthy recurring character. Maybe he just needs a Dan Aykroyd or David Spade to bring out the best in him; otherwise, he’s en route to being the biggest bust to hail from the Upright Citizens Brigade improv comedy troupe.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? Nope. He’s thisclose to heading the way of such forgotten SNLers as Dean Edwards and Jeff Richards. Unless he uncharacteristically forces us to take notice of him — he can start by wiping the bemused look off his face that he always wears — he’s going to be yanked off SNL quicker than Lorne Michaels can speed-dial the UCB for a replacement. Then he’ll be lucky to play “Food Court Patron # 3” in the next Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
KEEP READING: Sudeikis Makes Us Laugh! [PAGEBREAK]
Jason Sudeikis
Seasons on SNL: 4
Recurring Characters: Jon Bovi, one of the Two A-Holes
Celebrity Impersonations: Joe Biden, Rod Blagojevich, Ricky Gervais, Bret Michaels
Makes Us Laugh? Thanks to the Obama administration, Sudeikis has raised his stock by presenting the vice president as a needy, ingratiating pen pusher. His Biden has yet to become a pop-culture phenomenon á la Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin or Amy Poehler’s Hillary Clinton, but it’s still a work in progress. He’s side-splitting as Blagojevich, but his Bon Jovi opposite-cover-band front man goes down like bad medicine. Still, he’s good at being bad (see smarmy TV pitchmen the A-Holes, with Kristen Wiig).
Ready for Primetime or Movie Theaters?: Sudeikis and Fey made a cute couple in 30 Rock. He didn’t make the most of The Rocker and What Happens in Vegas like he did with 30 Rock. But forget writing off Sudeikis: Let’s see if he can cause some fireworks by cutting loose Old School-style or getting his mean streak on in a political satire.
KEEP READING: Fiendin’ for Kenan! [PAGEBREAK]
Kenan Thompson
Seasons on SNL: 6
Recurring Characters: Deep House Dish host DJ Dynasty Handbag;, French Def Jam comedian Jean K. Jean, convict Lorenzo McIntosh, financial analyst Oscar Rogers
Celebrity Impersonations: Charles Barkley, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton
Makes Us Laugh? A master of the slow burn, Thompson’s at his best when playing self-aware, tart-tongued everyday folks who don’t suffer fools gladly. Would The Cougar Den be half as hilarious without Thompson’s producer and his put-downs? He does a hilarious Whoopi, but even after all these years, his recurring characters DJ Dynasty and Lorenzo McIntosh still fail to resonate. Also, we could do without his Oscar Rogers “Weekend Update” commentaries if all he’s going to do is yell, “Fix it!”
Ready for “Real” Stardom? Kids didn’t take to Thompson in the ill-advised Fat Albert update like they did when he cracked them up on Nickelodeon’s sketch-driven All That and the sitcom spinoff Kenan & Kel. He did survive Snakes on a Plane, only to watch his and Darrell Hammond’s droopy Wieners go directly to DVD. Thompson has proven he’s not lead material, but he’ll make a terrific sidekick with an acerbic sense of humor in a 40-Year-Old Virgin-style adult comedy or sitcom.
KEEP READING: The Case Against Casey! [PAGEBREAK]
Casey Wilson
Seasons on SNL: 2
Recurring Characters: Toni Ward of “The Cougar Den”
Celebrity Impersonations: Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson, Katy Perry, Rachael Ray
Makes Us Laugh? Wilson hasn’t made us forget Tina Fey or Amy Poehler. Worse, new additions Abby Elliott and Michaela Watkins have generated more water-cooler talk than this fading featured player has during her first two seasons. Sure, Wilson clawed her way into “The Cougar Den,” but she’s always out-purred by guest star Cameron Diaz’s hot, hot, hot boy toy. Wilson is taking too long to find her place on SNL — and with Elliott and Watkins breathing down her neck, she may never find one.
Ready for “Real” Stardom? Would anyone be surprised if a post-SNL Wilson one day showed up on a lousy CBS sitcom as the boozy, blustery undersexed best friend desperate to snag the man of her dreams? Or the strait-laced sister with the perfect husband, the perfect children, and the perfect life? Her true calling, though, may be as a screenwriter: She pitted Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway against each other in Bride Wars, which somehow made $58.7 million despite setting back feminism 50 years.
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