1. Brandon Davis, for inventing the creatively demeaning term “firecrotch.” Davis, who denies ever having seen Lindsay Lohan naked, was videoed with Paris Hilton on a Los Angeles street lashing out at the young star’s private anatomy, focusing on her freckles and red hair down there. Our advice to Lohan? Reclaim the negatively applied term and use the label self-affirmingly! Repeat after us: I am firecrotch, biotch. (Editor’s note: Davis has since apologized to Lohan. Click here for the story).
2. Mandy Moore, for delectably teasing celeb junkies with half anecdotes. The American Dreamz star said her ex Wilmer Valderrama’s claim on Howard Stern’s radio show that he took her virginity is “not even true.” What isn’t true exactly— that they had sex or that he was her first? We like Mandy either way, but less isn’t always Moore…
3. Brandon Routh, for his, ahem, confidence? Rather than saying, “that’s right,” Routh is laughing off reports his mammoth manhood had to be digitally reduced in Superman Returns because he was overly stretching those red pants. “I’m a gentleman,” Routh said. “My mother raised me not to talk about such things.”
4. Nicole Kidman, for admitting what the tabloids were already saying: She is going to marry country bumpkin Keith Urban. “He’s actually my fiancé,” Kidman told People magazine at the 30th Anniversary gala for United Nations organization UNIFEM in New York City. “I wouldn’t be bringing my boyfriend (to the event).” Tsk tsk. Bringing a date to an event sans ring is so Tom Cruise.
5. Janice Dickinson, for trying to salvage disgraced pop mom Britney Spears. The ’80s supermodel is clearly distraught with Spears‘ personal appearance since she married Cletus, and told The Book Standard, “She needs to get hot again. Stop clomping around in those Malibu flip-flops.” Personally, we prefer to see her in thongs than barefoot in gas station bathrooms.
6. Stella McCartney, for being free of her daddy Paul’s second wife Heather Mills. McCartney and Mills separated after four years of marriage—and the former Beatle liked her so much he never made her sign a pre-nup. Paul should have listened to Kanye West when he crooned, “it’s something that you need to have, cuz when she leave yo a** she gonna leave with half.”
7. Ian McKellen, for sticking it to Christianity. The Da Vinci Code star told Today’s Matt Lauer, who is “On The Road with the Code” at Cannes, the Bible should carry a disclaimer saying it is “fiction.” Now that’s funny. Too bad Christianity is not to blame for the pseudo-religious pic’s bad buzz–it’s the critics, and the movie, and the fans…
8. Heather Locklear, for getting one leg up on former gal pal Denise Richards. Denise and Heather were almost set to go head-to-head in a primetime TV battle this fall with their respective ABC TV pilots Secrets of a Small Town and Women of a Certain Age. But a network insider told OK! magazine: “The pilots were screened in the first week of May. No one was too jazzed about Denise‘s show, but Heather‘s looks to be a hit.”
9. Shannon Elizabeth, for going all Cameron Diaz on a photographer. The American Pie hottie snatched the snapper’s filming equipment, took the battery out and threw it on the street of New York’s Central Park. She was either miffed at the photog for following her, or for exposing her odd circle of friends–Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Lance Bass and Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl.
10. A legal loophole, for permitting Matt Stone and Trey Parker to screen the South Park episode “Trapped in the Closet” at London’s National Film Theatre. The episode was originally taken off air by British TV network Channel 4 in January because of complaints, but a spokesman for the network said, “If we were charging there may have been legal problems, but it was a free event, so it should be fine.” And to pour more salt in Tom Cruise‘s already gaping South Park wound, viewers were given a free copy of “Trapped in a Closet.”
