1. Elizabeth Hurley, for planning a move to Paris to protect her 4 year-old son Damien from London’s antagonistic paparazzi. But what about protecting Damien from the can of whoop ass she opened when she named him after the most evil tot in modern cinema? We bet Liz wasn’t counting on Hollywood remaking The Omen and introducing it to a whole new generation of moviegoers.
2. Matt Lauer, for strategically pausing long enough after questions to make Britney cry in his Dateline interview for NBC. A sobbing Brit says she feels unfairly targeted by the press because she hooked-up with K-Fed when his baby momma was six months pregnant. “Actually, I didn’t know …until two months later. But I don’t blame him because … they weren’t technically together when he came to me anyways.” Apparently, that he failed to mention he was months away from impending fatherhood isn’t a biggie.
3. Paris Hilton, for telling Britney Spears she shouldn’t antagonize the paparazzi. During her appearance on The View, Paris said, “I think it’s better just to smile than when people give the middle finger or are rude to them, because that’s what they want you to do.” It’s nice of Paris to warn Brit about the perils of baiting.
4. Lindsay Lohan, for not taking her archenemies Paris Hilton‘s bait at New York City hotspot Butter. PageSix.com reports Paris accused Lindsay of dating her ex-boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos III. Lindsay responded to Paris‘ tirade with, “That’s how you say hello? I don’t need to respond to you.” Lindsay‘s publicist confirms the report, saying, “Correct. Paris tried to pick a fight with her and started screaming at her, but Lindsay took the high road.”
5. Jessica Simpson, for declaring herself a teetotal. Simpson said she used her Employee of the Month location shoot in New Mexico to purge her body of toxins. “I didn’t drink for, like, three months,” Simpson explains. “My friends and I were like, ‘OK, we’re out of L.A., away from everything. Let’s cleanse ourselves from boys and Sidekicks and email.’” Remember, those things only exist inside Hollywood.
6. Brandon Davis, for checking into rehab (again) to battle his addiction to cocaine and alcohol. That’s right—no more firecrotch videos, folks. Davis went public with his problems Thursday when he told an In Touch magazine reporter in Hollywood, “I am checking into rehab today. I am on my way right now.” We think he means he’s heading to New Mexico.
7. Missy Elliot, for being important enough to have a biopic. That’s right: Robert De Niro‘s Tribeca Films is set to produce a movie about the rapper’s life. We’re happy because we like Missy enough too have downloaded her 6th album The Cookbook last year. But is she supa dupa fly enough for the big screen? Guess we’ll find out.
8. The L.A.P.D., for evicting Daryl Hannah from that walnut tree she’d been living in for the past three weeks. If the star wanted to save the 14-acre fruit and vegetable garden in south Los Angeles, her time might have been better spent raising the $16 million the immigrant farmers needed to buy the land from developers.
9. Anderson Cooper, for scoring Angelina Jolie‘s first post-Namibia TV interview for his CNN show Anderson Cooper 360. The hour-long interview, taped in a Los Angeles hotel earlier this week, will air on World Refugee Day next Tuesday. Kudos for hottie Anderson. Our dream of Cooper taking America Morning away from cutesy, pun-spewing anchors Soledad and Miles O’Brien is that much closer…
10. Oprah Winfrey, for callously crashing an Oklahoma wedding with a camera crew. Oprah stunned a couple and their guests at their ceremony in Tulsa when she made a grand entrance and toasted the speechless newlyweds. Now the family is like all peeved at Oprah for “stealing their big day.” But it’s Oprah. Plus, they can tape it for free when media mogul exploits the piece on her show.
