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Hollywood.com’s Toughest Movie Detectives

[IMG:R]It’s hard out there for a movie detective. These tough SOBs need to be smart, charming, unorthodox, compassionate, able to zing off the one-liners and ready to buck authority at any time. But they must also be resolute about catching the bad guys. And above all, they have to be deadly accurate while wielding a firearm. The newest on the list is Casey Affleck, who stars as savvy Boston P.I. Patrick Kenzie hired to find a missing child in Gone Baby Gone.

Here are a few other cinematic detectives we think qualify:

[IMG:L]Mark WahlbergThe Departed
On the Case: Sure, there is Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon, but when it comes down to kickin’ ass first and asking questions later, Wahlberg’s hair-triggered, Oscar-nominated turn as Sgt. Dignam in The Departed takes the cake.
Best Line: “I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.” 

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Mel Gibson and Danny GloverLethal Weapon
On the Case: The ying and the yang of detectives: Glover is the steady and calm Roger Murtaugh, while Gibson is the wild card Martin Riggs, damaged after losing his wife. They don’t have the same work ethic, to say the least. Hell, they don’t even like each other–at first. But when these two partner up to investigate a drug dealer, it’s a start to a beautiful friendship.
Best Conversation:
Murtaugh: “Okay, clown, no bullsh*t! You wanna kill yourself?”
Riggs: “Well, what do you wanna hear, man? Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin’ a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don’t do it? This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don’t do it? The job! Doin’ the job! Now that’s the reason!”

[IMG:R]Denzel WashingtonInside Man
On the Case: As one of New York’s finest, Washington plays a cop who mostly uses his wit and charm to work his particular mojo. In this case, he has to find a gang of thieves who held up a bank and took hostages, but the bad guys he’s looking for aren’t necessarily the ones who robbed the bank.
Best Line: “Sorry to interrupt you, Mister Mayor, but there’s an old American saying: When there’s blood on the streets, somebody’s gotta go to jail.”

Eddie MurphyBeverly Hills Cop
On the Case: Murphy’s wisecrackin’ Axel Foley is a classic example of a detective listening to his own drummer. In fact, he is so determined to disregard his captain’s orders and find the killer of his best friend, this Detroit cop goes all the way to Beverly Hills and wreak havoc on the bad guys to prove it.
Best Line: “Before I go, I just want to say one thing. The supercop story … was working. And you guys just messed it up. I’m still trying to figure you guys out, but I haven’t yet. But it’s cool, though. You just f**k up a perfectly good lie.”

[IMG:L]Will Smith and Martin LawrenceBad Boys
On the Case: Two South Miami cops and best friends–Smith’s Mike Lowrey, a carefree bachelor, and Lawrence’s Marcus Burnett, a family man–track a master thief and murderer into the Miami underworld, dodging bullets and bad guys along the way. And boy, do they look smooth in slow-mo.
Best Conversation:
Lowrey: “You know what man? I’m so sick of this bullsh*t. What, I’m supposed to APOLOGIZE for my family leaving me money? All I EVER wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I’m the first guy through the door and I’m always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? F**k you, and f**k them, and f**k EVERYBODY that’s got a problem with Mike Lowrey.”
Burnett: “I love you, man.”

Kevin CostnerThe Untouchables
On the Case: Costner’s portrayal as the legendary ‘30s detective Elliot Ness may be idealistic and a little squeaky clean. But when it gets down and dirty, he gets the job done, nabbing the notorious crime boss Al Capone–on tax evasion, of all things.
Best Line: “I have foresworn myself. I have broken every law I have sworn to uphold, I have become what I beheld and I am content that I have done right!”

[IMG:R]Bruce WillisDie Hard
On the Case: Willis’ John McClane is just one of those Die Hard cops who generally finds himself in the right place at the right time. He might say it’s the wrong place, wrong time, but having Det. McClane near anything under siege by terrorists–be it a building or an airport or the streets of New York–is always a plus.
Best Line: “Yippee-ki yay, motherf**ker!”

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Keanu ReevesSpeed
On the Case: Same goes for Reeves’ Officer Jack Traven, a cop built for Speed. He’s definitely unorthodox in his techniques, but let’s just say, if Traven is in the same vicinity as a bomb–even on a bus–chances are you’ll get out of it alive. Just ask Sandra Bullock.
Best Conversation:
Jack: “It’s a game. If he gets the money he wins, if the bus blows up he wins.”
Annie: “What if you win?”
Jack: “Then tomorrow we’ll play another one.”
Annie: “But I’m not available to drive tomorrow. Busy.”

Clint EastwoodDirty Harry
On the Case: Eastwood’s Harry Callahan is the epitome of the tough detective: surly, works alone, never listens to his superiors, takes things personally, carries one of the biggest guns around–and always gets his man. All detectives after him only aspire to be as badass as Harry.
Best Line: “I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”

[IMG:L]Jackie Chan and Chris TuckerRush Hour
On the Case: Chan’s Hong Kong police detective Lee and Tucker’s rogue LAPD James Carter come from very different worlds, a perfect East meets West scenario. Lee can take down a criminal using a chair and some fancy martial arts moves; Carter just shoots off his mouth and pulls out his gun. But together, they make it work.
Best Conversation:
Lee: “Ah! Beach Boys!”
Carter: “Oh, hell no! You didn’t just touch my goddamn radio!”
Lee: “The Beach Boys are great American music.”
Carter: “The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin’. Don’t you ever touch a black man’s radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man!”

Gene HackmanThe French Connection
On the Case:
Hackman’s Jimmy “Popeye” Doyle is a true American detective classic–a short-tempered alcoholic bigot who is nevertheless a hard-working and dedicated police officer. Doyle’s French nemesis, a suave and urbane gentleman who is nevertheless a criminal and one of the largest drug suppliers, never knew what hit him.
Best Line: “All right, Popeye’s here! get your hands on your heads, get off the bar, and get on the wall!”

Al PacinoHeat
On the Case:
Speaking of dedicated, Pacino’s Lt. Vincent Hanna takes the Heat in more ways than one. So doggedly determined is he to capture master thief Neil McCauley (Robert De Niro) and his crew, he sacrifices his personal life to do it.
Best Line: “Oh, I see. So what I should do is, I should come home every day and say ‘Hi honey. Guess what? I walked into this apartment today, where this junkie a**hole had just fried his baby in a microwave, because it was crying to loud! So let me share that with you. Come on, let’s share that, and in sharing that we’ll somehow cathartically dispel all that heinous sh*t.’ Right?”

[IMG:R]Colin Farrell and Jamie FoxxMiami Vice
On the Case: Urbane and dead smart, Foxx’s vice cop Ricardo Tubbs teams up with the Farrell’s charismatic and slick Sonny Crockett, as they work undercover transporting drug loads into South Florida to identify a group responsible for three murders. But in playing the game, these two detectives are pushed to the edge where identity and fabrication become blurred, where cop and player become one.
Best Conversation:
Tubbs: “So what’s going on?”
Crockett: “As in?”
Tubbs: “As in there is undercover and then there is ‘Which way is up?’”
Crockett: “What? Do you think I’m in so deep I forgot?”
Tubbs: “I will never doubt you.”

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