MONDAY, JULY 14
The Closer (Season Premiere) — 9/8c on TNT
It’s not the most-watched cable TV series of all time (you’re welcome, TNT!) for nothing, and season four is poised to keep that fire burning. Pun totally intended, because the fourth-season premiere centers on a blaze in Griffith Park. When a body is discovered in the burn zone, an L.A. Times reporter becomes one of the prime suspects–and the reporter has a connection to Brenda’s longtime (Kyra Sedgwick) enemy, Billy Croelick (Jason O’Mara), who pays her a very unwelcome visit. Got all that?!
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Saving Grace (Season Premiere) — 10/9c on TNT
It’s truly a ladies’ night tonight, as Kyra Sedgwick’s TNT partner in crime fighting/solving, Holly Hunter, also returns. Hunter plays the title character, Oklahoma City Detective Grace Hanadarko, and in tonight’s season-two opener, Grace really needs saving! The priest who molested her as a child, Father Murphy (Rene Auberjonois), resurfaces, and needless to say, Grace isn’t so thrilled to see him. [PAGEBREAK]TUESDAY, JULY 15
MLB All-Star Game — 8/7c on Fox
Fear not, non-sports fans–there’s a tabloid-y twist here in case you’re not a baseball follower: Alex Rodriguez, currently mixed up in rumors of an affair with Madonna, will be in the starting lineup for the American League. Will he hijack the television booth and profess his love for the Material Girl? You’ll have to tune in to find out! OK, that won’t be happening, obviously, but the 79th Midsummer Classic is being held at legendary Yankee Stadium, which is celebrating its final season of existence. So expect part game, part tribute show, part tearjerker.
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The Cleaner (Series Premiere) — 10/9c on A&E (Re-Airs at 11/10c)
Benjamin Bratt, finally conceding that the whole movie-superstardom thing didn’t really pan out, returns to TV with this new drama about an addict-turned-interventionist. And no, it’s not a total coincidence that The Cleaner airs on the same network that runs the popular reality show Intervention.
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From G’s to Gents (Series Premiere) — 10/9c on MTV (Re-Airs at 11/10c)
Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs’ former umbrella holder Fonzworth Bentley hosts MTV’s latest reality offering, and the title pretty much says it all–including, “Our network is desperate.” [PAGEBREAK]WEDNESDAY, JULY 16
Project Runway (Season Premiere) — 9/8c on Bravo (Re-Airs at 11/10c)
So here it is–the non-American Idol reality show we’ve all been waiting for. It’s a goodbye of sorts for Project Runway, because the show will be leaving Bravo for its new home, Lifetime, after this season, but don’t let that put a damper on your viewing party. The same premise is in place (why fix what ain’t broken?): Sixteen designers fight for a chance at sartorial stardom, under the tutelage of ‘mentor’ Tim Gunn (whose Guide to Style will remain on Bravo). Heidi Klum serves as the host, judge and executive producer, while Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are merely judges.
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Celebrity Circus (Season Finale) — 10/9c on NBC
Ohhhhh, right…this was on. [PAGEBREAK]THURSDAY, JULY 17
Reality Bites Back (Series Premiere) — 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central
The second of two new shows premiering on Comedy Central tonight, Reality Bites Back has a great premise (spoofing reality TV) and host (Michael Ian Black). Unfortunately, there’s a twist that turns the spoofer into the spoofee: The show is itself a reality competition of sorts, with 10 comedians squaring off against one another for the crown of Lord of All Reality and a cash prize of $50,000. Still, expect hilarity.
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The Gong Show with Dave Attell (Series Premiere) — 10/9c on Comedy Central
The first of two new shows premiering on Comedy Central tonight, Gong Show is simply an irreverent take on the classic NBC game show of the same name that ran during parts of the 1970s and ‘80s. Attell, who is more or less on retainer for Comedy Central–and who makes us miss Dave Chappelle because of the network affiliation and similar-sounding names–hosts the show alongside a revolving panel of three quasi-celeb judges. This week, Attell is joined by Brian Posehn (you’ll recognize the face), Steven Schirripa (The Sopranos) and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, all of whom critique contestants’ outrageous talents. [PAGEBREAK]FRIDAY, JULY 18
MANDATORY VIEWING OF THE WEEK
Monk (Season Premiere) — 9/8c on USA
Monk (Tony Shalhoub) is back; sadly, his shrink is not. Veteran actor Stanley Kamel, who played Dr. Kroger since the show’s inception in 2002, passed away in April. He is replaced by another longtime thesp, Hector Elizondo, who joins the cast as Monk’s new psychologist. In addition to a meet-and-greet with his new doc, the OCD-afflicted detective buys a new home to escape a noisy neighbor (what took ‘em so long to come up with that storyline?) only to stumble upon yet another something-smells-fishy murder investigation. Brad Garrett (Everybody Loves Raymond) guest-stars. [PAGEBREAK]SATURDAY, JULY 19
The Heartbreak Kid (TV Debut) — 10/9c on Cinemax
The Farrelly brothers’ highly anticipated second collabo with Ben Stiller was, surprisingly, a huge bomb in theaters, but really shouldn’t have been. Give it another shot–or your first shot, judging by the box office numbers–and ditch the There’s Something About Mary expectations. [PAGEBREAK]SUNDAY, JULY 20
High School Musical: Get in the Picture (Series Premiere) — 8/7c on ABC
Nick Lachey-is-still-around alert! The former Mr. Jessica Simpson/Newlyweds star hosts this new reality show that’s basically a cross between American Idol and High School Musical: Teenagers audition for their chance to land a role in a music video shown during the closing credits of High School Musical 3: Senior Year. Yeah, that’s right–not such a great ‘grand prize.’ Or at least that’s what you can tell your 12-year-old daughter to calm her down.
ESPY Awards — 9/8c on ESPN
It’s the Oscars–for sports. ESPN pulled off the seemingly impossible by nabbing Justin Timberlake–and thereby nabbing many, many non-sports-fan viewers–to host its 16th annual ceremony, which honors “Excellence in Sports Performance.” Expect celebs aplenty, as well as celeb-athlete hybrids like Lance Armstrong and David Beckham, both of whom are presenters. Also expect to catch the rarest of occurrences: athletes crying (during the presentation of the Arthur Ashe for Courage Award).
