Casting a Sci-Fi ‘Expendables’

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If you asked your average fan to draft out his dream lineup for the ultimate action-movie cast — an action movie superband, as it were — it probably wouldn’t look all that different from the team Sylvester Stallone was able to assemble for The Expendables. That has me wondering, though: What should a sci-fi blockbuster equivalent of The Expendables look like? Who would be the person to get a sci-fi superband off the ground? Most importantly, who all should star in it? And, keeping with the theme of The Expendables, what would their equivalent role be?

Notes: 1) This is strictly for a sci-fi blockbuster, not what I think would actually make the ultimate science fiction movie. 2) No one in The Expendables is eligible (sorry, Bruce and Arnold). 3) I’ve kept the casting pool limited to people with mainly movie careers; TV opens that playing field too wide. 4) I have no idea what this hypothetical movie would be about — this is just who I’d like to see get together under one blockbuster roof.

Keanu ReevesKeanu Reeves

‘Expendables’ Doppelganger: Jet Li

Keanu Reeves is a no-brainer for this list, considering the man’s career of late has been defined exclusively by big-budget sci-fi blockbusters, but designating his Expendables counterpart is a little tougher. On the one hand, he is a big enough fan of the genre to warrant being the Stallone-equivalent champion of the genre, but I don’t think he’s outspoken enough to take up that much of the spotlight. Jet Li, though, is a little light on the dialogue, but he’s always there, eager to jump into the fray. Both are also very well known for how much they respect their stunt teams, so it’s a perfect match.

Sci-Fi Credits: The Matrix, The Day the Earth Stood Still, A Scanner Darkly

Will SmithWill Smith

‘Expendables’ Doppelganger: Sylvester Stallone

Choosing who would possibly both be passionate enough about sci-fi blockbusters to really assemble a superband of genre staples and have enough clout to actually attract the other players was the hardest part of making this list. But if anyone could get it together it’s Will Smith. He’s been in more sci-fi smashes than anyone else on this list, he has admitted to loving the genre in interviews, and there probably isn’t a project in Hollywood that he couldn’t get off the ground.

Sci-Fi Credits: Independence Day, Men in Black, I Am Legend

Vin DieselVin Diesel

‘Expendables’ Doppelganger: Jason Statham

Vin Diesel really hasn’t been in that many sci-fi movies (the two Riddick entries, Babylon A.D. and The Iron Giant are it), but he identifies so strongly with the few films that he has been in that he could easily be considered a welcome face. Plus, he’s just a huge geek in his personal life; he’s been a long time D&D player and he founded his own video-game company. He’s also got “rogue tough guy who eventually has to protect his lady friend” written all over him, which is basically the only role Statham ever plays.

Sci-Fi Credits: Pitch Black, The Chronicles of Riddick, Babylon A.D., The Iron Giant

Casper Van DienCasper Van Dien

‘Expendables’ Equivalent: Dolph Lundgren

There’s a reason that both Dolph Lundgren and Casper Van Dien didn’t have bigger careers in Hollywood: The public just could not take them seriously. Lundgren has actually become a much better actor in recent years, but he and Van Dien both started off strong and then wound down to become low-budget, straight-to-video regulars. That surefire disenchantment with the Hollywood system makes them perfect for the wild-card, crazy member of the team.

Sci-Fi Credits: Starship Troopers

Sigourney WeaverSigourney Weaver

‘Expendables’ Equivalent: Mickey Rourke

It pains me to say that Sigourney Weaver should be kept on the sidelines the same way Mickey Rourke is, but I think the idea of her as the grizzled vet who has gotten too old for this shit is a pretty amusing one. She’s also got the wit and the presence to be able to realistically bust the balls of everyone else around her.

Sci-Fi Credits: Alien, Avatar, Ghostbusters, Wall-E, Galaxy Quest

Harrison FordHarrison Ford

‘Expendables’ Equivalent: Eric Roberts

Someone has to play the bad guy, and seeing as Harrison Ford has rarely plays outside his hero range, for once I’d just like to see him play a crazy dude with absolutely no regard for human life. Maybe a good old-fashion sci-fi blockbuster is just what he needs to actually look enthusiastic on the big screen again (let’s not count Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls; let’s never, ever count it).

Sci-Fi Credits: Star Wars, Blade Runner

Michael IronsideMichael Ironside

‘Expendables’ Equivalent: Randy Couture

Michael Ironside is such an obvious choice for both the Mickey Rourke and Eric Red roles that I want to see neither. I’d just like to see him break his current mold and play a foot soldier. Not the main hero or bad guy, not the one teaching a lesson, just another tool at the disposal of the core heroes.

Sci-Fi Credits: Starship Troopers, Total Recall, Watchers, Highlander II

Lance HenricksenLance Henriksen

‘Expendables’ Equivalent: Bruce Willis

I would absolutely love to see Lance Henriksen kick some ass even in his old age, but these days he’s better suited for playing Willis’ role of the guy who hires everyone else. He’s got the presence of a seasoned pro and can make every line of dialogue stick like a barb when he wants to.

Sci-Fi Credits: Aliens, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Terminator

Jeff GoldblumJeff Goldblum

‘Expendables’ Equivalent: Gary Daniels

The casting of Jeff Goldblum in pretty much anything these days cracks me up, so it only makes sense that he should play the henchman who talks a bunch of trash the entire time but who you know just can’t back up anything he’s saying. Plus, Goldblum just hasn’t really been a part of a high-concept sci-fi movie for a while, so he’d be a sight for sore eyes.

Sci-Fi Credits: The Fly, Independence Day, Powder

Milla JovovichMilla Jovovich

‘Expendables’ Equivalent: Steve Austin

Physically, Milla Jovovich couldn’t be further from Steve Austin, but I still think she would make a perfectly foreboding henchwoman. She doesn’t have to say much — you can tell just by looking at her that she’s capable of all kinds of asskickery. And as the clear obstacle between the heroes and the big bad boss, that means she’d eventually have to fight their leader. Plus, I would just love to see a Will Smith vs. Milla Jovovich rumble. That would be too weird to pass up.

Sci-Fi Credits: The Fifth Element, Resident Evil, The Fourth Kind