S1:E7 How’s everyone holding up after last Sunday with no Football Wives? Oh, you’re alright? You got a few things done around the house instead? Maybe you wrote your Christmas cards. Nice. Well, the show returned from its mini-hiatus last night to remind us all that even when times are tough you can throw a second wedding. And even when you’re throwing a second wedding despite tough times, it will always be overshadowed by Pilar Sanders’ drama. Oh the lessons we learn from this gaggle of chattering gals.
So despite the fact that his career just hit the skids and they have no money, Ryan has put together a surprise vow renewal for his 10th wedding anniversary with Dawn (a.k.a. a big expensive second wedding to keep the spark going). Clearly, the show isn’t paying for anything or helping set up these scenarios at all. Right. Before the surprise, the ladies (who seem to be confused about the fact that this is a renewal and not an actual wedding) prepare to pamper Dawn without her knowing it’s really all for her. They all gather at Amanda’s house – does anyone else think they sound like Sleestaks from Land of the Lost when they greet each other at the door? Amanda even flies in her eyelash guy, oh and of course she’s ordered a visit from the Botox fairy so it can keep them “real prettyyyyyyy” (more like really scary).
Chanita and Melani are partners in “H-E double hockey sticks No” solidarity, swearing off the stuff. No botox guys? But Amanda makes it look like so much fun, the way she’s practically crying and squeezing Brittany’s hand. Amanda says she feels blessed to be able to do this for Dawn – everyone needs botulism in their face before getting married (er, renewing vows), right?
The day of the ceremony arrives and the ladies are all waiting in a hotel room for Dawn, who thinks her husband set up a romantic date for her (boy is she going to be pissed when she realizes it’s a gaggle of football wives). Of course, the biggest question on everyone’s mind isn’t when Dawn will show, but rather whether or not Pilar will actually come. As Chanita so eloquently points out, weddings are one of those times when enemies can just hang out jovially together; right. Finally Dawn does show up, and they reveal the surprise. This results in tears and a walk down memory lane; she and Ryan almost didn’t make it. Well of course, we can’t even have a wedding on this show without some tears too.
Dawn dons her wedding dress and she marches out to renew her wedding vows with all the ladies watching, and a few Dallas Cowboys thrown in for good measure (the captions are quick to point that out). They exchange sweet words and everyone cheers, but did you expect anything else? This little moment (which should be THE moment) is only the vehicle for everyone to notice that Pilar didn’t show. We can’t overshadow the Pilar drama with all this happiness, y’all.
Now that they’ve got all the wedded bliss out of the way, Melani meets up with Pilar at what looks like hotel pool. (Seriously, could you guys try a little harder to make everything look less like it was set up by the producers?) She wants to know why Pilar didn’t stop by the vow renewing ceremony. Of course Pilar is unapologetic – why wouldn’t she be? Dawn did drunkenly yell at her the last time they all tried to do something nice together, and she’s Pilar Sanders – she doesn’t apologize EVER for anything.
As if we weren’t quite sure that this was all set up for the show, Chanita and Dawn come marching out to the poolside table to confront Pilar (worst fake surprised “Oh, wow” ever, Melani). Dawn says she apologized and asks for one back, but seeing that Pilar’s head is in the clouds that’s never going to happen. Pointless screechy arguing ensues and I’ve got my second case of bleeding ears thanks to this show. Learn to argue at a normal decibel, please ladies. Somehow the “conversation” goes from “Hey, we have to be nice to each other okay?” to Dawn being accused of disliking Pilar’s lifestyle. Yeah, I didn’t catch the reason for that leap either; probably because there wasn’t one.
Like any episode of this show, the big confrontation is a two-parter, continuing after the commercial break. Oh no. Please. By all means continue the insanity. I was really hoping for a giant headache this evening. It’s like an intervention, all three ladies jump on her case accusing her of elitism – finally someone’s pinpointing the reason that Pilar is such a miserable person to have around. She thinks she’s better than everyone and thus she treats the other ladies with contempt and when she gets tired of that, apathy. Thank you Doctor Chanita, but we’ve known this the whole time; glad you could join us.
Dawn flips her lid again, yelling about how she’s got kids and a husband who loves her and she doesn’t “have time for this bullshit.” Right, so that’s why you left your husband in the hotel room and spent your morning yelling at Pilar by the pool. Shut up and go on your second honeymoon, because no one believes that you don’t “have time” for this and it’s just getting annoying.
