‘Hawaii Five-0’ Recap: Ho’opa’i

Seriously, Diddy and Hawaii Five-0? Seriously? This is what we get? You promised us Sean Combs, Diddy himself and we get this boring episode? Where were the stunts? Where was the gregarious product placement? Sure, there was boring exposition and a surprise twist but holy hell was this a boring episode. I hope you enjoyed your time in Hawaii, Diddy, because man did this episode blow.

‘Every time you hear the wind blow, I’m coming.’ – Diddy

But let’s start off on a good foot because I’m generous like that. The twist at the end of the agent turning on them was actually rather inspired. I was screaming at the TV when they said there were three agents on duty guarding Diddy (screw his character name) and they only found two bodies. Where was the third?!! I kept shouting to no avail. Turns out it was the bitch blond chick and it took them a good ten minutes to figure that out. But then they find out that the bullets were only half loaded so someone would survive? That’s actually kind of smart and it turned out to be one of the guards. Touche H50, way to actually have a brain this week.

Another thing that worked for me was the comic relief of Kamekona showing up at McGarrett’s house to cook him breakfast (Spam definitely isn’t a sponsor after the beating it took, despite being the state food of Hawaii). He definitely needs to be in the show more. I also really liked how McGarrett found some more pictures from his tool box and then it was never mentioned again. Diddy showing up seems to do that to a storyline. Also pleased how they remembered McGarrett broke his arm in the last episode. Continuity! Man, they really had things going for them in the opening scene. Just went down hill from there.

‘Please don’t put both hands on the wheel. Every time you do that something bad happens.’ – Danno

Landing Diddy as the guest star of the week was a positive for the show in theory. But in execution? Not so much. I’m not knocking Diddy here, though. I don’t want to get shot. I think he was a great guest and would love to see him back on the show (which was really left open-ended – Diddy as a series regular? AWESOME) but what he was given absolutely sucked. He was a former undercover cop and the mob killed his wife. He goes on a hunting spree, blah blah blah, turns out the son of the crime boss did it. BORING. But Diddy can really run through some houses and jump through windows. All while having been shot in the stomach. Pretty impressive.

And while I appreciate the thought of the stunt of the week (the truck going through the small alley and ripping through clothes before finally knocking the leg out of a porch) I was unimpressed. I’m from the South. I’ve seen more pick up trucks barrel through tight spaces chasing after a guy than I care to remember. And no product placements? C’mon CBS. Diddy could not have been cheap. Gotta step up the Chevy game!

‘Did he just quote Capone?’ – McGarrett

As for the riffing, there was a decent amount between Danno, McGarrett and the mob boss (the always excellent Keith David) but nothing to set it apart from the usual. Also it seems that the writers have forgotten how good Grace Park in a bikini looks. Seriously, get that girl in the water. Also, give her a grilled cheese. She looks hungry. I will say that the thought of her climbing up a tree was a really strange *almost* turn-on for me. New fetish? Rule 34, make it happen!

I guess I was expecting too much from this episode. If they keep their promise and have Diddy come back, maybe they will have learned their lesson and give us a crazy episode. For now, this one gets shuffled off to the mediocre shelf.