‘Hawaii Five-0’ Recap: Ma Ke Kahakai

S01E20: Normally I’m down for the complicated plots that Hawaii Five-0 somehow manages to churn out. They’re complicated enough that you have to pay attention (sort of), but this week? Ha. I feel like the writers came up with this basic idea of a murder with a cool opening and then had to work backwards to complicate things to fill out the time in between. In other words, this was not the best episode.

“Stop talking for a second” – McGarrett

Not to say it didn’t start off well, McGarrett and Danno are hiking and they discover a body. It was an intense start that made for a great advertisement (which seems to be how they write their openers: “What would look best between Mike and Molly breaks?”). But it was over really quickly. They got him out of there fairly easily and had him patched up before we even knew he had a broken arm. Also, Danno would’ve made a horrible boy scout if he lets a little tangled rope get in his way. I mean, come on Danno.

Then the big reveal at the end (seriously, it was complicated and involved fish scales) is this guy who was helping ship his son out of the country. But along with that was a LOT of misdirection. Actually, it wasn’t even misdirection. It was just stuff to take up time. Like the guy they chased down on the boat. Now, we’ve seen too much of this show to think that this guy would actually be the killer. They got in a fight and he owns a helicopter? Too convenient.

“Hands in the air, Ahab.” -Danno (getting a little Sawyer from Lost, there?)

But there was a comment last week that rebuffed my argument on how 5-0 never experiences any of the consequences of its actions. For instance this week they chased down the guy on the boat (which, by the way, is the Stunt Of The Week). They broke several laws doing so but what do you know – the guy HAPPENS to run some drugs and has a duffle bag full of meth. Justification! It’s a little frustrating as a viewer because we’re just being led along until the last 15 minutes. It’s pulp television for sure.

But enough of the convoluted plot. Let’s get on to the cheese! Like McGarrett’s magic bag and magic truck case. He goes hiking and happens to have like 100ft of rope in his bag? Ok, that’s fine. But then he also has a full role of duct tape? Where did he have the room for the trail mix? Meanwhile in his trunk he has a very high-powered infrared camera? I mean, what’s the justification for that? Seriously, why would he have that? How often could he possibly use that? Glad he had it, of course, but still, it’s ridiculous he had that thing in his truck.

“Not anymore!” -McGarrett (finger point for emphasis)

There wasn’t that much riffing this week but there was the most sarcastic “I love you” in sign language history. Someone make a GIF of that STAT! And I was worried there wouldn’t be any product placement since the cars weren’t featured that predominately, but then Hilton came roaring in with a commercial at the end. Gotta love it, H5-0!

Also, it seems the writers remembered that Chin and Kono actually have lives outside the 5-0. Because, oh snap, did Kono and Chin get into some dramatic shit this week. It’s about time, because I couldn’t handle another week of them spouting off expository line after expository line. Chin apparently took the fall so his uncle could pay for a kidney for his dying aunt. Blah, blah, blah, it was really sweet and Kono got to cry a little. Acting! Woo! I’d still rather see Grace Park in a bikini, but I’m also glad she’s getting to show off her dramatic chops.

“No one wants to see you matriculate.” -Danno

There was this one little moment of clarity I had when watching this episode. The characters on the show are really pathetic human beings. I’m not saying they aren’t well-defined (well, they aren’t completely, but they’re still pretty well-defined) but as actual people they’re incredibly pathetic. Like after McGarett gets out of the hospital, who does he call? Kamekona, an informant. They don’t have any friends and besides Danno, they rarely see their family. They’re all basically like Liz Lemon: all work and no play. Then again, the whole hospital scene could just have been about seeing Kamekona in a tiny car. ‘Cause that was pretty funny.

It wasn’t the best episode, but that doesn’t matter. Why not? Because next week: DIDDY!