‘Jersey Shore’ Recap: Ron and Sam Have Their First Italian Fight

S4:E2 “They always end up having some kind of feelings, somewhere.” – Pauly

So last week’s episode ended with the whole group in the club and having a blast watching Deena as she licked Pauly’s tongue and then in between kisses, Pauly would turn to the group and shrug his shoulders like there wasn’t anything he could do about it. She even bit his lip and dragged it so far away from his mouth that it almost was stretched into a tarp that I’m sure all of Italy would have liked the opportunity to use to protect themselves from these 8 people. Deena then told Pauly that she wanted to go back to the house and have sex with him, and Pauly tried really hard to mask his incredible disinterest in that idea by replying, “Yeah, I know!” As everyone was getting ready to leave and go home to their palace, Snooki went up to Pauly and told him to have sex with Deena, but Pauly said he felt bad doing that because then if he had sex with Italian girls, Deena would get upset and Pauly didn’t want to upset her. In that moment it was like Pauly didn’t even belong on this show. Then Snooki curiously changed her tune and realized that if Deena and Pauly had sex their friendship would be ruined, just like Snooki’s friendship with Vinny was ruined after they tried and failed to have relations. So when Deena tried to voice her objections to Pauly dancing with another girl, Jenni pulled her outside and asked her why she wanted to have sex with Pauly and Deena said “If I do sex with him, it is what it is.” Meaning, I think, she would just view it as sex and nothing else. So then when the group got back to the house (and after Deena fell on every surface she could find and had some fun with a very shabby looking marionette that she called “Pinocchio,” she ventured into Pauly’s room and poked Pauly’s head because she wanted to wake him up and remind him that they were supposed to smush. Pauly pretended he was that dog who got stabbed in the head by burglars, but changed the part about being conscious afterwards.

“When are you coming to visit me?” – Ronnie

The first thing Ronnie did when he got home from the club was call his friend Hannah, which just so you know, wasn’t me. Hannah apparently was this girl who’d helped Ronnie get over Sam. But that story didn’t blow up right away. Instead what happened is Deena, The Situation, Pauly and Vinny went to get food from the grocery store because they wanted to do their usual Sunday dinner the way they would do it if they were in Seaside. But when they got to the store they had a really hard time figuring out what they wanted because everything was in Italian and it completely threw them off. Pauly and Vinny assigned Deena to find the wheat bread, and so she went around the whole store asking, “is this wheat?” except it sounded like she was saying “is this weed?” It was also kind of confusing that they were all so confused by everything, because it’s not like the food itself in Italy is different than it is in America. If you’re in an Italian supermarket, you can almost always look at a container and figure out what it contains. Sure, the WORDS for things are different, but it’s safe to say that the orange that’s emblazoned on a carton means it’s not filled with wasabi flavored nuts. Anyway, when the shoppers brought the loot back to the house, Deena and Sammi decided they would cook the Sunday dinner and drink wine while doing it. Pretty soon things were happening like Sammi was taking raspberries out of the refrigerator and calling them weird strawberries and Deena saying they had to do the dishwasher with dishwashing liquid. But the whole process of cooking was taking too long for them so they put the chicken in the oven and then went to eat at a café. But they were gone for so long that the guys thought they had abandoned their task of cooking, and so the guys just did it for them.

“I’m glad I could make you feel better.” – The Situation

So, the most interesting thing so far about this season has been The Situation’s interest in Snooki. He was the one most shocked to learn Snooki had a boyfriend, and ever since then, he’s been nosing around the other roommates for information on how serious their relationship is. His interest in Snooki, of course, stems from a couple of months ago when they slept together apparently when Snooki was still with Jionni. And so since the tryst, The Situation has been trying to encourage Snooki that she deserves something better than Jionni by watching her argue with him on the phone about not calling him enough and pulling her aside and telling her that he’s there for her.

“She likes extra sausage.” – Vinny

A man named Marco called the house and told Vinny that the group needed to come down to his pizzeria for orientation because while they were in Italy, they were going to be working for him. So once they arrived at their new job, Marco explained that he was going to show them how to make a pizza just once and that for the rest of their days, they were going to have to do it themselves. He chose Snooki as his little helper, and he had her tossing dough in the air and spreading sauce everywhere and sprinkling cheese on top and when the time came for toppings, everyone joked that she liked sausage because she still liked Vinny after figuring out he was too… big to have sex with. After their orientation was over, the friends raced back into their house and fell asleep again for another five hours until it was time to get up. When that time rolled around and everyone got into the club, Ronnie instantaneously was drunk and telling Jenni that in three weeks his friend Hannah was coming to visit him. Vinny that in three days, he slept with four women. Sammi, of course, overheard this tidbit and told him it was gross and then Ronnie went up to her and started giving her shit, I guess, for caring. Jenni noted that everyone’s attitude changed because they sensed an argument between Sam and Ronnie about to erupt. But before it could, Vinny pulled Ronnie aside and said if he started fighting with Sammi, that this whole trip would turn to shit and Ronnie agreed. Sammi went outside and cried.

“She’s so ugly.” – Snooki

The Situation met an American girl named Britney or something at the club and even though Snooki told him she was ugly, decided to bring her home anyway. As he was escorting her upstairs and high-fiving the guys along the way, Snooki asked Vinny if she was prettier than Britney and he said yes she was, and then Snooki asked then why was The Situation getting with her if she was obviously the more pretty one? Vinny responded that since no one could get with Snooki, they had to settle for other less pretty girls, and Vinny pointed out that she must be comparing herself to Britney because she had a crush on The Situation. Snooki denied it though, and once Britney left, she went up to The Situation and told him the two of them were just going to be friends and that it was okay if they cared about each other as friends. The Situation maintained they had something significantly more than friendship between them, and that it Snooki didn’t want to acknowledge it, that would be fine. Snooki said nope, they were just going to be friends and admitted that sure, she cared about Mike and Mike said, “yes, you care about me” and turned into one of those girls who looks for meaning in things that don’t have significance.

“Mike is trying to start problems.” –Vinny

At lunch the next day, Vinny told Sam that she and Ronnie needed to find a way to go out at night and not fight because it made everyone miserable. Sammi explained that she was doing the best she could with living with an ex-boyfriend and having to see him everywhere, which granted, sounds pretty impossible. But she promised that she and Ronnie wouldn’t do very much fighting in Italy because she insisted she was over him, and that he was free to do whatever he wanted. Then Mike interjected and said something like “good for you Sam, because Ronnie told me he’s got like five girls coming to the house.” Sam tried to brush the comment from her mind but you know she stored it for another day. Back at the house, The Situation tried to cuddle with Deena, but she wasn’t into it so she asked him if he’d like to go have a cigarette with her. Later that night, the seemingly unimportant exchange turned into something major because Deena told Pauly how pathetic it was that Mike wanted to cuddle…and then the next day at brunch, Pauly asked Mike if what Deena said about him trying to cuddle with her the night befoe was true. Mike of course denied it and Deena said Pauly had misinterpreted what she said and that there was no cuddling (even though she said there was). So Pauly essentially trapped her in a lie and embarrassed her…and the rest of the lunch she was mute.

Then we had the least promising moment of the season: Sammi told Ronnie that she still loved him and she missed him and that all she wanted to do at night was to crawl into his bed and cuddle with him. They’re bound to reconnect at least once this summer, and it’s just a drag because then the rest of the season will focus on them instead of the much more interesting story that’s going on between The Situation and Snooki. There’s just nothing we could see happen between Ronnie and Sammi that we haven’t already seen, and so it’s almost like they’re hinting at hooking up again because they know we’ll kill them for it.