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‘$#*! My Dad Says’ Recap: Dog Ed Pursuit

S1E7: This week’s $#*! My Dad Says offered up another below average episode for an already terrible show. So, let’s talk about what happened, yipee!

Vince and Bonnie invite Ed over for dinner, and he gives the response that he usually does, “I’ll think about it,” which, in reality, means “no.” So Vince is really bummed out because he wants to have a closer relationship with his father, but he still holds onto the hope that Ed will show up for dinner. Meanwhile, Henry goes to Bonnie’s office where he meets her boss, a crazed sex-lunatic who wants to make Henry “dinner,” if you know what I mean. Henry is looking for some excitement in his love life, so he decides to go out with the crazy woman, but before he can do that, he promises Vince and Bonnie that he’ll watch their dog, Root Beer (which is actually a pretty awesome name for a dog).

So, Henry heads back home with the dog, and while he’s sitting with the animal at Ed’s house, Henry is called in to work to edit one of his articles. He leaves the dog with Ed, who initially doesn’t want to watch him, but then, big surprise here, he ends up loving the dog. And so in order to see more of the dog, he decides to go have dinner with Vince and Bonnie. Meanwhile, Henry goes to meet the crazy woman for their date, and she ends up being too crazy for him as they start getting adventurous, sexually, in the office. And Henry does — not — like it.

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Now you can pretty much guess the rest of the plot. After talking with Bonnie, Ed realizes he needs to show more affection towards Vince. And Henry, after his bad sexual experience, decides to date a more suitable girl. And then, blah blah blah, everyone makes up in classic sitcom fashion, blah blah blah.

There you have it. That’s what happened. And it was sooooooooooo lame. I don’t want to repeat myself too much from previous recaps, but the bottom line with this show? It’s not good. The acting sucks. The writing sucks. EVERYTHING SUCKS. So instead of spending the rest of my review talking about $#*! My Dad Says, I’m going to pull a fast one on you and talk about things I could be doing with 22 minutes instead of watching this show. Here we go:

Commute from Brooklyn to Manhattan on the L train.

Watch Community.

Ride my bike.

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Think about sex.

Take a nice long shower.

Go number two.


Think about sex.

Eat a sandwich.

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Make a sandwich.

Get a pizza delivered.

Stream The Office on Netflix.

Think about sex.

Go for a walk.

Pet the cat.

Clean the cat’s litter box.

Call my mom.

Think about sex.

Run 1/20 of a marathon.

Get groceries.

Plant a tree.

Think about sex.

Drink about three beers.

Facebook stalk my ex-girlfriend.

Read a comic book.

Think about sex.

Make macaroni and cheese.

Start a Twitter campaign.

Clean out the refrigerator.

Check my fantasy football league.

Trim my beard.

Think about sex.

Get a haircut.

Play my guitar.

Wrap Christmas presents.

Think about sex.

Look up the correct way to spell Hanukah.

Take an eye exam.

Check my blood pressure.

Think about sex.

Get tested for STD’s.

Donate blood.


Reorganize my sock drawer.


Think about sex.

Watch paint dry.

Count the number of coat hangers in the closet.

Check my cell phone 22 times.

Listen to “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vita” on repeat.

Check the mail.

Lose my keys.

Find my keys.

Cut my own hair.

Burn a piece of toast.

Make a frozen pizza.

Format my hard drive.

Eat Chinese food.

Regret eating Chinese food.

Eat Taco Bell.

Regret eating Taco Bell.

Argue with my friends about the end of Inception.

Think about sex.

Watch the chase scene from The Dark Knight.

Eat a bagel.

Pay my bills.

Make coffee.

Spill coffee.

Hit on a girl.

Get rejected by a girl.

Think about sex.

Argue with my friends about politics.

Stop and get gas.

Mow an acre of grass (riding lawn mower only).

Perform three Shakespeare monologues.

Read another comic book.

Think about sex.

Play video games.

Read a few chapters in a book.

Talk smack about the Kindle.

Read Twilight.

Regret reading Twilight.

Grow my fingernails.

Think about sex.

Watch the first 22 minutes of Spice World.

Squeeze one off.

Write a recap for $#*! My Dad Says.

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