It seems like it’s been years since we last delved into the lives of our demented Nashville pals. It’s not fair of them to leave us constantly wondering at which angle Deacon’s sticking his jaw, or how Rayna’s hair is parted, or the amount of white lace Scarlett is wearing at any given time. I need to know these things. We all need to know these things! But, alas. The last time we caught up with everyone, Rayna and Teddy were officially kaput, Juliette went all brat-mode and fired everyone who worked for her — except for her assistant, whose only other job was working at the mall — and Scarlett chose the perfectly appropriate moment to jump Gunnar’s bones (just when he found out his brother had died). Everything made complete sense and no sense at all, and this week is much of the same.
The Deacon Story
There is nothing hotter than a guy with scruff, a flannel shirt, some cowboy boots, and a voice of apple-cinnamon butter. Unless he has a dog. A small dog. One that he sings to and plays guitar for; one that causes him to feel real, loving emotions. Deacon has gone and found a furry ball of joy — which he has so preciously named Sue even though it is a boy — and can’t seem to figure out how to get it to stop whining. He sings every song he’s ever performed, but as soon as his sweet lyrics come to an end, the pup cries. We all cry. Deacon brings the love bait to the vet to see what’s up and instantly becomes smitten with a doctor who conveniently has the same strawberry locks and freckled skin as a certain unattainable Queen we all know and love.
It doesn’t take long — no, really, like, by the time the doctor’s visit is over — for the two to wind up buck naked. It must be nice to be a musician or a vet, quite possibly the two sexiest professions of all time. After their quickie, Deacon realizes he has to get to a show with Juliette and totally bounces on the woman who says she can’t stand country music (a challenge that he clearly loves). He sings some songs, breaks up some commotion at the supposed “mini” concert, breaks up some more commotion when Gunnar finds himself in some faux bad-boy trouble, and then circles back to the hair he cannot resist. He realizes that he should ask this new lover out on a proper date. Okay, so his buddy tells him he’s a jerk and should start asking women he likes out on a proper date. So, he wanders into the vet and adorably proposes dinner or a concert or something that resembles a less whorish atmosphere. Perhaps Rayna is behind him after all. At least for now.
The Rayna + Family Story
Nothing makes sense in Rayna’s life right now. She turns her back on Deacon, who is supposed to be her rock (and lover), agrees to some bizarre rule where she and Teddy can’t be in the house at all — under any circumstances, at the same time — and isn’t confused when her eldest daughter, Maddie, calls her a “bitch” out of nowhere. I mean, seriously, out of nowhere. Wasn’t her daughter the one who warned her about Teddy’s affair? And gave her a big hug? And said she was on her side? Since when did all of that change? And why isn’t Rayna more bewildered?
The one good thing going on in her life right now is her career. She’s got this tour, and everyone is paying attention to her and her tight jeans just like she wanted. She lets Scarlett sing for her, and although it’s obvious she’s not a fan of her pathetic pout (I mean, who is? Step forward now), she decided to sign her to her label. Whether it’s another ploy to get closer to Deacon, no one can be sure. Although, yes, I am pretty sure that is what it is.
The Juliette Story
This girl is in the midst of something of a quarter-life crisis. She fired her manager, looks to pursue her brand-new “voice,” and is going berserk on her aforementioned mall-employed assistant. The poor girl is running fast into a brick wall and there’s no stopping her. Her “intimate” show with Deacon? Well that all went to sh** when she texted the world about it, causing a massive flow of teens to flood the space. Of course there is an accident. And of course it was Rayna’s daughter who gets hit with a bookshelf or something. What the hell was that doing in a bar anyway?
Luckily, Deacon is there to save the day and bring Maddie to the hospital. Looking all distressed and a little sweaty, he waves her off to Rayna, flicking his hair across his brow and turning back with a smoldering look filled with lust and hope and pain. But back to sweet J. She’s treating her mom like garbage, as per usual, and refuses to take the blame for the concert fiasco. It isn’t until Rayna takes out all her anger on her during a quick phone call that Juliette realizes maybe she is a bit of a diva. She finally finds her inner goodness and repairs some of the damage she’s caused. A small, fragile step, but one nonetheless.
The Scarlett and Gunnar Story
So, after Scarlett sexually attacked Gunnar during the most inappropriate and awkward moment of his life thus far — when he found out his brother had died — they awake uncomfortably in bed. Scratch that — he awakes uncomfortably in bed. Scar, in white lace for days, is all like wow that was the greatest night of my life filled with butterflies and lisps. She wants to make him breakfast and sing him a morning song or something, but Gunnar isn’t ready for that. He’s not ready for anything! His brother just died! But of course Scarlett gets offended and pouts and pouts and throws her hair into a Bo Peep ‘do and scurries out the door. She doesn’t know how to connect with him, because suddenly she thinks they are a married couple. But Gunnar isn’t having any of it. In fact, you might say he’s even a little too cold. Too “typical guy the morning after.” But he’s allowed. He is ALLOWED.
Anyway, he’s all crazed about his brother that he skips the meeting he was supposed to go to with Juliette to sing for Rayna. Instead, he tries to get to the bottom of the mess of how his brother died and nearly gets himself into serious trouble. Deacon is there to save the day, thanks to Scarlett. The two share another ridiculous embrace, as Scar stands in the dark wearing nothing but an absurd lacy two-piece number. It could mean bliss for the pair, but when Scarlett finds out she’s the only one joining Rayna’s label, we know it won’t end well. It will be another Avery situation all over again. Sans choker, God willing.
The Avery Story
Speaking of our lost soul, Avery has found himself some balls this week and stands up for his music. Finally. After his cougar manager boss lady pretty much takes over his entire set and turns his music into pathetic techno-esque beats, he realizes he’s had enough. No more trying to be trendy for the money and the fame — he wants to get back to his roots, dammit! And he does! Searching for the fluorescent spotlight and a quick deal isn’t enough for the long-haired fool, so he goes back to the honky-tonks he knows and loves and burns the past. Literally, he throws all his tapes into a fire and never looks back. I think I like this Avery. I really think I do.
[Photo Credit: Katherine Bomboy-Thornton/ABC]
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