‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Recap: Vanderpump Does Not Rule

The Real Housewives of Beverly HillsBravo

This week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills opens up with Yolanda continuing to stay above it all without being a brat about it. She prepares for her daughter Gigi’s party after missing out on one of Lisa’s events for a family wedding. For a star of a reality show, she really has little interest in drama. Instead, her devotion to her husband and struggle with Lyme disease adds a humanizing element that seems like a part of a different show. Gross.

Kyle and Joy continue to bond, this time over their love of vacations and plan to go to Puerto Rico with their husbands. Hopefully Carlton will be too busy planning an event for her husband’s company to cast any spells on Kyle in the meantime. But in the world of the Real Housewives, being disinvited to Carlton’s party may as well be a curse.

While Joy exercised and said a lot of things that don’t make sense (“That looks like you’re gonna S&M me.”), everyone seems to be ganging up on Lisa. First it’s Lisa’s event competing with Yolanda’s family wedding. At Carlton’s party, Lisa attempts to calm her the hell down about her star tattoo and then has to deal with witch tears. Carlton is overly emotional about being called anti-Semitic because it’s “bad for her husband’s business” … and also a bunch of stuff about apartheid. However, she’s not worried about what day drinking, adulterous behavior, and spell casting will do to the family business.

Kim is still mad at Lisa for missing her daughter’s party but expresses her anger mostly by mocking Lisa’s accent. At Carlton’s event she teams up with Brandi to further trash their British frenemy. Brandi also cannot forgive Lisa for allowing Sur waitress and Vanderpump Rules star Scheana to work an event at Lisa’s house, after knowing she slept with Brandi’s ex-husband. What Brandi doesn’t seem to realize is that Bravo would let LeAnn Rimes wait on her if she’d take the job.

With an enlarged tongue and sense of importance (only one was an allergic reaction), Brandi brings her case against Lisa to Kyle, who has called Lisa calculating and manipulative in the past. They reflect on what Lisa is capable of with a tone that suggests she’d have them taken out. It is clear that the one weapon that can destroy all these women is Lisa’s intelligence. And somehow they are all still intelligent enough to know that. The best part is that the only woman who doesn’t seem to care about everyone turning against her is Lisa herself. She’s too busy running that town.