September 11, 2012 5:00am EST
The Lord of the Rings star is dating blonde beauty Victoria Golembiovskaya and introduced her as his girlfriend at a Vogue magazine party in the British capital for the upcoming London Fashion Week.
He tells Britain's Daily Mail, "We bumped into each other a couple of months ago in Russia. Victoria is shy about going public but I am happy to say that we met and hit it off at a party for my new film, Soldiers Of Fortune. We are getting along very nicely - and we share a love of vodka!"
Bean's new romance comes just four months after he was accused of harassing his fourth ex-wife Georgina Sutcliffe, who he split from in 2010.
August 14, 2012 5:00am EST
"The waxing stung a bit but wearing high heels was more painful. I practised in them round the house making tea and it made me realise what women go through." British actor Sean Bean on the hardships he endured to play a transvestite in U.K. TV drama Accused.
August 07, 2012 7:15am EST
Bean, best known for his hardman roles in Sharpe and The Lord of the Rings franchise, will show off his feminine side for new BBC drama Accused, in which he plays a man going through a sex change who is caught up in a crime of passion.
To ensure he could get used to wearing high-heeled shoes, he practised walking in stilettos in his kitchen - before heading out in women's clothes with his daughter.
He tells Britain's Radio Times, "(I got into character) by walking round in high heels in the kitchen at home... and one night I went out ... arm-in-arm with my middle daughter.
"I wanted to find out what it felt like, whether I'd be able to pull it off and have the bottle (bravery) to function in that situation.
"I must have been pretty good, no pictures turned up in the press. Someone even complimented me on my shoes. I've still got four pairs of size-10 heels lying about my house. I forgot to give them back."
July 16, 2012 10:42pm EST
Well, America. We were promised an episode of The Bachelorette tonight where the men would TELL ALL. There would be no-holds-barred, no secret left untold, no story not shared. Mysteries revealed! Intrigue! Minds shocked and jaws dropped! Dish about Emily Maynard's actual accent! It was going to be the perfect two hour extravaganza of dramarific escapism. And I was ready. I had cordoned off two hours of my evening to balk at the audacity of Kalon. To shake my fist until it fell off at Alessandro. I was going to yell at my television and throw plastic grenades at my television every time the soul-sucking dillwad that is Ryan came on the screen. I had even remembered my irrational and misplaced hatred of Stevie! And then there was that guy with the ostrich egg! I was ready to laugh and judge for two Chris Harrison-fueled hours of slack-jawed, immature broheims. And I was so excited about it; I was so ready. I mean, just look at how ready I was before the show started! Look at this real, live, actual footage of me, sitting in my apartment. Do you see the hope and joy I had behind my eyes?:
OK so maybe I'm not Michael Jackson, but I was definitely that enthused. And I was over-the-moon excited about the prospect of a night of judgmental television watching because if that isn't what American freedom is for then I don't know what is, you know what I'm saying? Are you picking up what I'm putting down here? The severity of this situation and my overall gleeful anticipation of 'The Men Tell All' episode? OK, good. Just wanted to be clear and not-at-all-subtle (and maybe even a little bit melodramatic which is totally not my speed at all, har har har) about it.
So now you can probably imagine at this point that I was pretty gutted by the whole lack-of-anything-interesting-at-all-ever that occurred from what Harrison had the audacity of calling "the most emotional season ever." Chris! Come ON my dude because you know right now that was a lie that you just let slip out of your well-trained mouth and I cannot deal with liars. But I mean, this tell-all was so boring I considered lighting my eyelashes on fire for better entertainment. There was nothing entertaining about this episode of the show. There was nothing said that we didn't already know. There was one moment that I laughed during the entire thing. ONE thing (when Chris went commando in Croatia because that is pretty funny when you're wearing a kilt). Otherwise I was barely awake. I was more enthusiastic about a commercial for a stay-cool bean pillow that I saw before the show began.
So what did they talk about in the world's most repetitive and not-at-all informative two hours that I cannot get back no matter how hard I wish to that weird little gypsy machine on the boardwalk? Well, let's see! It's all so new and interesting and different from everything else we've talked about throughout the entire season, so get ready to have your mind BLOWN.
Emily talks about Ricki! She thinks Ryan's "dumb comments" were in the "Top 3" worst of all time. Trophy wife! And Kalon the a**hole! He still makes her blood boil and she is so angry! She thinks he said that out of spite and jealousy because he didn't get a rose. And the Doug kiss! So awkward! And Eggman (Travis?)! Chris can't dance! Everyone hates Kalon and everyone hates Doug because he is too nice! And everyone hates Ryan and for that Ryan is confused! So he talked down to the guys!
Did you know that Chris is real mad at Doug? It's true, I know! You are very surprised. Chris is also 25! He is young! He is scared. He is also angry! And heartbroken! But Emily taught him falling in love is so special. So, you know he's so looking forward to that sometime in the future when he's not 25.
Also: Stevie! Man that guy is the spitting image of my collegiate nemesis.
So, as you can see, none of this was at-all boring or uninteresting or before seen on camera. So crazy, right?
So what DID we actually learn that was new and different from this episode? Two things: 1.) John is wears pink pants, and 2.) Emily is going to do the running man at the 'After The Rose' ceremony.
That's it. That is literally it. Nothing else happened. Can someone bring Jake Pavelka and/or Vienna Sausage back to the program so something interesting will happen again? I never thought I would say that, ever (because man oh man are those two are the worst). A few of the guys were in the HOTSEAT which should have been renamed the TEPIDSEAT because that s**t was lukewarm at best. Ryan, Chris, Kalon, and Sean all got up in that seat and said somethings. Namely:
Chris called Kalon out for "putting a target on [his] own back," though Kalon didn't agree (though Kalon is also lying and probably just playing into the villain role he was assigned this season. I wonder if he'll stay the course of terribleness during Bachelor Pad). Chris doesn't respect Kalon which is surprising to zero point zero percent of the population. Apparently though, even without Chris' respect, somehow Kalon namedrops him as one of his "great friends" from the show. This also included Tony who just sort of stared down at his shoes and counted the fibers in the rug because har har har isn't that awkward?
Ryan, the world's worst human talks about how he's not arrogant because arrogance is misplaced confidence or whatever and he hasn't misplaced his confidence anywhere! It is like a giant duvet that he wraps around himself. Only the duvet is tattered and grimey because he has to wear it everywhere he goes to keep the peons at bay. And when you're walking around outside all the time with a duvet on...well it kind of makes it a tough road for the duvet. Just ask any of the homeless people that also sport this neat new fashion trend. The dudes all hate Ryan so much--which is so surprising, I know. Chris and Ryan get into a pissing contest over something stupid like bees and at this point I flung myself out of my apartment window and died. Only I didn't die because I am contractually obligated to write about this show so my ghost begrudgingly returned to my apartment to finish this recap. Welcome the world's first television recap ever written by a ghost! EXCLUSIVE! Also apparently Ryan kept a journal. I've seen the journal and it's just 200 pages Ryan writing his own name with hearts around them or whatever. Over and over and over again. It's kind of weird. But like he said in the TEPIDSEAT, for him, coming on this show was never "fully about Emily" he was looking for his wife, not necessarily Emily. Right. Yes. OK.
Also, the human sterilizer took a moment to explain that "there's not a chance that I'm an arrogant a**." Nope! Not a chance at all, Ryan. He also told a bunch of dudes that he thought the final two would be him and Arie, and that if Arie won he'd be the next Bachelor. Because, DUH. Total package, this one! At this point Chris Harrison puts out a special PSA to quell the nerves of the nation by letting us know that Ryan won't ever be the next Bachelor. It is a golden moment (though that isn't saying much when you're neck-deep in turds). Also Ryan tried to "put into context" the fat comment he made so that people would "understand the humor of it." Nope! Still s***ty in context! Thanks for playing, though! This man is so clueless that he thinks people are laughing WITH him when they point and laugh at him and say that comment back to him (that whole "I'll love you I just won't love on you so much!" for those that needed their blood to be re-boiled). Because DUH America! Fat people are the world's most grossest things and they should be sterilized and sent out to die for the entertainment of the skinny attractive folk that deserve love and happiness: like Ryan! Total catch, this one. Get in LINE ladies!
There was a bunch of yelling for Sean which reminds everyone why that tall glass of lukewarm milk will probably be in the running to be The Bachelor next season. I still vote for Roberto Martinez but that's because I think Sean is sort of a dud and never got the appeal of him. He's nice though? So, like, cool I guess? Also Sean cries because he's sensitive and in touch with his emotions and man enough to shed a tear over love or something waxy like that. So, you know, if you like Sean before this episode you still liked Sean after it. Hooray for Sean fans!
Emily comes out and pretty much says nothing except for calling Kalon a politician because he's "full of s**t." There was some jabbering on about Twitter updates and pictures and the crappy things people say on The Internet because it is like a giant fake veil of anonymity (hi Bachelorette dudes!), and all Kalon can say is "I'm flattered that you care enough about me to follow me on Twitter." Sick burn, brah.
The evening ends with a few quick things: Emily says her type of dude is "like a tattooed homeless man" and I am not at all making this up. She also goes on AGAIN to say just great top two finalists Jef With One F and Arie are, which is great to hear because I haven't really been sure of her opinions on them at all this season. She's been so elusive about that, you know?
Then came the part where they basically told us that Jef With One F is totally going to win The Bachelorette. I mean COME ON can we have a moment for that package? Like, Arie got 13 seconds of "oh hey I love Emily and wait where are you going cameraman come baaaaaaaac--" and then Jef With One F got a five-hour-long video montage of his moments with Emily with a bunch of really soggy music playing in the background. "I feel like we'll have a love that will make the storybooks jealous." VOM VOM VOM LOVE IS GROSS, ETC. I mean all I'm saying is that I would just be really, really surprised if he doesn't win after all of this stuff, you know?
The clips from Sunday's 3 hour (3 #$^@#*& HOURS?!) season finale shows Emily crying and they try to make it seem like she's not going to pick either dude, which, ha! Please. One word: babies. Come on now! There will be a live 'After The Rose' special which is where Jef and Emily will probably coo at each other and maybe Jef will meet Ricki for the first time or whatever. Or, you know, maybe Arie? (There's no way Arie is winning this. Call me, though, boo. I can console real nice-like.) What I am thinking is that because Emily is all misses-do-goody, she realizes that she's chosen one dude well before the ceremony (Jef), and then, to insure the other dude (Arie) doesn't humiliate himself with a proposal she won't accept, she has to tell him no before the final rose ceremony. And so she cries and cries and Chris Harrison tells her to nut up or whatever. And so that is my hypothesis about what all that tomfoolery is actually all about. You can't fool me, editors! Someone owes me a box of Samoa Girl Scout cookies if I'm right, by the way.
So what did you think of the 'Men Tell All' special? Are you Team Arie or Team Jef With One F? Drop some knowledge on us in the comments!
[Image Credit: ABC]
[GIF Credit: Reddit]
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
'Bachelorette' Emily Maynard's Men Will Tell All: This Season's Biggest Offenders
'The Bachelorette' Recap: The Crying Game
'The Bachelorette' Recap: Homeward Bound
July 03, 2012 5:00am EST
The Lord of the Rings star was called in for questioning at a London police station in May (12) following claims he had sent harassing messages and made several calls to Georgina Sutcliffe, who he split from in 2010.
His fingerprints and DNA were taken and he was bailed as authorities continued their investigation.
However, police have announced the matter will not be pursued any further.
A spokesperson for London's Scotland Yard tells Britain's Daily Mail, "He was told he would face no further action."
June 29, 2012 2:15pm EST
The three stars are among the 176 actors, film experts, directors, producers and executives invited to join the organisation which oversees the Oscars.
Also making the list this year: actors Simon Baker, Sean Bean, Melissa McCarthy, Andy Serkis, Jonah Hill, Jessica Chastain and The Artist stars Jean DuJardin and Berenice Bejo; cinematographers Florian Ballhaus and Guillaume Schiffman; directors Asghar Farhadi, Rodrigo Garcia, Terrence Malick and Michel Hazanavicius; composers Ludovic Bource and Conrad Pope, George Clooney's production partner Grant Heslov and horror writer Stephen King.
June 13, 2012 2:52pm EST
This just in: Former United States President George W. Bush is an enemy of the Lannisters. Well, not really, but you can see his decapitated likeness right next to Septa Mordane and Ned Stark on the first season of Game of Thrones. See, unlike Washington, in King's Landing the heads of those who have fallen out of favor literally roll, and are then displayed for the world to see as a warning sign. In the tenth episode of season 1, good King Joffrey takes his bride-to-be Sansa to see the recently decapitated head of her father, and two heads down sits a face greatly resembling the 43rd President's.
Before you wonder what house Mr. Bush had been fighting for, (Was it Stark? Greyjoy? Probably Greyjoy.) know that io9.com reported that Thrones creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have a perfectly reasonable explanation for the ex-Presidents bizarre cameo. "George Bush's head appears in a couple beheading scenes," they explained with a laugh in the commentary for the Season 1 DVD. "It's not a choice. It's not a political statement. It's just we had to use whatever heads we had around."
Check out a clip of Bush's brief HBO cameo below. The episode originally aired in 2011, but Bush went largely unnoticed until a hawk-eyed redditor discovered him on Wednesday.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: HBO]
'Game of Thrones' Adds Some New Faces
'Game of Thrones' Recap: Valar Morghulis
‘Game of Thrones’ Star Sean Bean Arrested for Allegedly Harassing His Ex-Wife
June 08, 2012 11:08am EST
If you've been following the world of horse racing, you might have been on the bandwagon of I'll Have Another, the thoroughbred who looked to be the first Triple Crown winner in 34 years. Unfortunately, TMZ reports that I'll Have Another has suffered an injury, and as a result must pull out of Saturday's Belmont Stakes — a turn of events as shocking as it is heartbreaking, considering the horse might never be able to run again.
But of course, this brings to mind some of the other great shocking exits in pop culture history. People pulling out of movies, television shows, celebrity relationships, small business ventures, rehab — famous people are not always the most reliable bunch, so there's a lot to choose from. Here's a list of some of the most surprising leaves of absence that you might remember:
Frank Darabont Gets Fired from The Walking Dead
Although the idea of television programs losing their show runners has become a bit of a pandemic lately, it was a huge surprise way back when The Walking Dead's ingenious creator and show runner was fired by AMC for being allegedly difficult to work with. The post-Darabont years have served fans well, but one wonders just how amazing Season 2 might have been with the big man on board.
Heidi Klum and Seal End Their Marriage
It was a dark, cold day when supermodel Heidi Klum and singer/songwriter Seal announced the end of their seven-year marriage. Nobody saw it coming. The fashion icon and her silver-tongued, rose-kissing husband had seemed like the perfect couple throughout their years in the spotlight. The end of days is truly near.
Shannen Doherty Leaves Beverly Hills, 90210
It didn't seem like the Peach Pit could maintain without the "good girl"-turned-rebel Brenda; when it was revealed that Doherty would not be returning to Beverly Hills, 90210 for its fifth season, fans of the Fox hit were stunned. One Priestley alone does not a Walsh family make.
Chris Daughtry Gets Kicked Off American Idol
Throughout the fifth season of American Idol, one name stayed on the mouths of fans: Chris Daughtry. The talented North Carolinian rock singer was expected to go all the way to the end that fateful year, but instead only took home the title of fourth place. Some people are still protesting the decision.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries End Their Marriage
This might not have been the big out-of-nowhere moment that came along with Heidi and Seal, but it was still an eye-widening moment. Mostly for the "Are these people serious?" factor. The truth is, many people assumed that Kim and Kris would eventually split up. But it was the immediacy of the event that makes it worthy of the list.
Michael Pitt Gets Killed Off on Boardwalk Empire
Boardwalk Empire is one of those shows where no character is safe. Except, logically, the big guys at the center: Nucky Thompson and Jimmy Darmody. After all, how could the show go on if either of these two leading players were killed off? Well, fans will find out come the upcoming third season, as the Season 2 finale gave Michael Pitt's Jimmy the axe. No one saw it coming. And if they tell you otherwise, you know they're just trying to show off.
Ali Fedotowsky Walking Off The Bachelor
Usually on The Bachelor, the competing women wait until they're told to leave before they hit the road. But back on Season 14, the future Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky took it upon herself to voluntarily exit the reality program on the sixth episode. Needless to say, the series' focal star, airline pilot Jake Pavelka, was floored.
Adele Quits Music
She was the biggest thing in the music world for quite some time. Following her vocal hemorrhage in late 2011, the pop sensation announced that she would be taking a break from her singing career, possibly for four or five years, save for a one-off performance at the 2012 Brit Awards. The world awaits the next big Adele hit, but wishes her well in the meantime.
Ned Stark Loses His Head on Game of Thrones
Granted, everyone who read the books beforehand probably saw this coming. And yes, the world should have been tipped off by the fact that Stark was played by Sean Bean — the man has almost never survived a role. But still, watching the main character of the HBO hit Game of Thrones get his head chopped off in the penultimate episode of Season 1... it sparked lots of questions.
EVERYONE Leaves Django Unchained
The forthcoming Quentin Tarantino movie can't seem to hold onto any of its cast members. Since shooting began, the film has amounted, and then lost, a number of formidable players. Among them: Kevin Costner, Sacha Baron Cohen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Kurt Russell. Good thing Leonardo DiCaprio stayed on board... he looks terrific in the role.
[Photo Credit: FayesVision/WENN]
'Wonder Years' Star Danica McKellar Files for Divorce
Do You Think Morrissey Is Really Going to Retire?
Bill Murray's Hologram Makes Its Television Debut — VIDEO
May 29, 2012 3:43pm EST
Just when you thought the wacky world of Westeros couldn't get any bigger, the folks behind Game of Thrones went ahead and announced a gaggle of new characters who will appear in season three. EW has confirmed that a handful of reader-favorites will be cast in the near future, to appear in the first of two seasons based upon the epic third book in George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Storm of Swords. Some of these names have been discussed at length over the last couple of seasons, while others are completely new to non-readers.
Showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss also told EW that they are consciously working on keeping the show's growing cast under control — a bazillion characters appearing throughout several epic novels is one thing, keeping track of those characters while maintaining a solid narrative throughout ten episodes is another. So, don't worry about the show drowning in the wake of the new characters listed below —just trust the powers that be and look forward to making their acquaintance!
Mance Rayder: It's the King Beyond the Wall! Mance is a former member of the Night's Watch who defected to become the head honcho of the Wildling bunch. You've heard him mentioned by both Wildlings and Brothers alike, so count on Mance being a major player in seasons to come.
Daario Naharis: This confident and physically appealing mercenary will be shaking up Dany's world as she makes her way through the distant east.
Jojen and Meera Reed: A teen brother-and-sister duo who meet up with a younger member of the Stark clan. Prepare to hear a lot of talk about frogs.
Ser Brynden Tully (The Blackfish): Catelyn's uncle is a natural-born warrior, who actually first appeared in the books when she visited The Vale with Tyrion as her prisoner. He's an honorable and formidable man, so let's hope for some epic casting.
Edmure Tully: Catelyn's younger brother may not be the warrior his uncle is, but at least he's not bat-crap insane like Lady Lysa. Edmure is a good-looking fellow, so prepare for another handsome GoT man to lust on.
Olenna Redwyne (The Queen of Thorns): You thought Cersei was conniving? Wait 'till you meet Margaery Tyrell's grandma. She is so. Freaking. Awesome. Without giving anything away, know that you will probably love her forever.
Lady Selyse Florent and her daughter, Shireen: Stannis' wife and daughter are a major snooze. No wonder he started knocking boots with crazy Melisandre.
Beric Dondarrion: Beric appeared in the novel Game of Thrones, but his season three appearance should be well worth the wait. He's a very skilled knight who leads the outlaw group known as the Brotherhood Without Banners, but it's his special survival skill that puts him far above the rest.
Thoros of Myr: Thoros is a red priest who follows Melisandre's beloved Lord of Light, but his skill set is a bit different.
Tormund Giantsbane: Tormund is a Wildling raider, who also happens to be a very, very big dude. Picture Hagrid from Harry Potter without all the warm and fuzzy.
Well, that's it for now — but Benioff and Weiss say there are more on the way. Be sure to check back with Hollywood.com for news and casting updates in the coming months!
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: HBO]
'Game of Thrones' Recap: Blackwater
'Game of Thrones' Recap: Preparation
‘Game of Thrones’ Star Sean Bean Arrested for Allegedly Harassing His Ex-Wife
May 27, 2012 10:53pm EST
Well, that was entirely awesome. Episode 9 of season 1 of Game of Thrones ended with Ned Stark's head rolling on the ground of King's Landing, so it's only natural that this season culminated in the most epic battle staged on television. You guys — this was television! It greatly helped that we witnessed most of the action through the eyes of a few beloved (and loathed) characters: By sticking with Tyrion on one end, and Cersei and Sansa on the other, we were able to feel their fear and live their experience without, like, random cutaways to Dany pouting about something in Qarth. It's only fitting that the episode was written by George R. R. Martin himself — I felt like I was alternating between Tyrion, Cersei, and Sansa chapters in Clash of Kings. And that's really all I needed.
Since most of the tension leading up to the battle was touched upon last week, we entered the episode in the final moments before its horrifying beginnings — if Melisandre were there, she would have gleefully said that this night was dark, and totally full of terrors. In King's Landing, everyone seemed to be doing one of two things: F**king, or drinking. Or in Bronn's case, both. Tyrion said his final goodbye to Shae, as Cersei contemplated concocting poison if things didn't go her way. Interestingly, despite the promise of plenty o' killing to come, the Hound wasn't very excited. He spent his final moments looking down his nose at Bronn, who was acting like the perfect representation of your average King's Landing citizen — drunk, brash, and completely lacking in the morality department.
Over on Stannis' side, Davos had a final touching moment with his son, who had totally drunk Melisandre's Kool-Aid and was now a card-carrying Scientologist. Err, Lord-of-Light-ist. It's a good thing they had this moment, because Davos Jr. was blown to pieces as soon as the battle began. You see, Tyrion is a genius: Remember that bit about the wildfire a few episodes back? How Cersei was planning to collect pots of it to chuck at Stannis' boats? Tyrion had come up with a much better idea — he dumped gallons upon gallons of the stuff in the Blackwater, sent out an empty "Trojan Boat" for distraction, and destroyed Stannis' fleet with one flaming arrow from Bronn. BOOM. Bye, Davos Jr! Bye, (maybe?) Davos! Even Joffrey seemed impressed, but that kid would rather give bread to poor people than compliment his uncle.
Eventually, the non-burned-alive Stannis-men did make it to the city walls, and things got pretty messy and confusing for the men of King's Landing. All of this fire and blood and cowardice was extremely annoying to the Hound, who graciously put in his two weeks' notice: "F**k the Kingsguard. F**k this city. F**k the king." (Aside: Given that part of the man's face is burned off, it's understandable that this battle freaked him out. Still, the sudden change of heart regarding his employers is interesting. I certainly did not see this one coming.) Eventually, the going got so rough that Joffrey ran straight back to the castle, causing a serious dip in morale. Tyrion gave a rousing Eric Taylor-esque speech that sparked his men back into action, but all I could think of was that great song from Monty Python: "Brave Sir Joffrey ran away. When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Sir Joffrey turned about, and gallantly he chickened out!"
In Tyrion's final moments on the battlefield, he witnessed a horrifying surge of men from Stannis' camp. Then, shockingly, one of his own knights turned on him and slashed his pretty face to bits. Tyrion's squire, Podrick, killed the man responsible, but seriously — what?! As Tyrion passed out from his injury, he briefly witnessed an army of crimson coming from behind to slice and dice his competition, but I don't think that this registered. He was out cold. Instead, we learned the results of the battle with Cersei, who had spent the majority of the episode drinking and torturing Sansa. With the battle almost lost, she told a sweet story to Tommen on the Iron Throne, as she raised a vile of poison to his lips. Lucky for Tommen, Tywin and his men (including Ser Loras!) barged in before he took a swig. That bit about attacking the Starks was just a ruse — the Mufasa of the Lannister family had planned to help out King's Landing the entire time, with the help of his new alliance with the Tyrell family. That's good, right? We wanted them to win because we like Tyrion — right?
Before Cersei ran to the Iron Throne to initiate plan B, she gathered a group of ladies, Sansa included, for a morale-boosting ladies' night in the Red Keep. Interestingly enough, she also invited Ser Ilyn Payne, the petrifying mute executioner. Cersei is a great party host. She told the rest of the gals that he was there for their protection, but made sure to let Sansa know that he was there to chop off their heads if the battle was lost. She also casually mentioned that Sansa would be repeatedly gang-raped if they lost, and insisted that "tears aren't a woman's only weapon — the best one's between your legs." No one can relate to this statement more than Shae, who was finally sniffed out by a very drunk Cersei when she didn't know how to properly curtsey. Cersei was called away before she could really nail her, but methinks there could be trouble on the way for Tyrion's number one call girl.
When Cersei was finally out of the way, Shae told Sansa to run back to her chambers — because Stannis might not kill her, but Ilyn Payne certainly would. It has to be mentioned that Sansa was uncharacteristically bold in this episode. She's been getting savvier by the week as she adapts to her abysmal surroundings, but she has never spoken to Joffrey as she did before tonight's battle. She passive aggressively taunted him for his lack of courage (or, really, appearance) on the battlefield, and reacted to the night's terrors to the best of her abilities. Before she left for her chambers, she reassured the remaining women that everything would be alright in Cersei's absence, and if she was suffering from her impossible circumstances, she certainly didn't show it. If Stannis won, Sansa might die, but so would Cersei and Joffrey. If he lost, she would have to marry Joffrey and kiss his stupid sword forever. Rock — meet hard place. Sansa is still Sansa, but she has come a long way since her father's execution, and you have to respect her for that. Anyway, when she returned to her chambers, an unexpected guest was waiting for her: It was the Hound, who offered to take her safely back to Winterfell. She seemed to consider it, but ultimately stayed — the Hound is undoubtably a misunderstood character, but he's a crazy drunken killer no matter what way you look at it. Arya probably would have gone, but Sansa needs to stay with the pretty people.
Wow. That was a lot for one episode. And with one week left, it looks like we're going to leave season 2 with some major cliffhangers -- all 35 of these story lines can't be neatly wrapped in next week's finale. But the major question I'm left with after tonight is this — since tonight's episode was such a brilliant, dazzling success, should Game of Thrones start shooting more episodes in only one location?
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: HBO]
'Game of Thrones' Recap: Preparation
'Game of Thrones' Recap: Men Without Honor
‘Game of Thrones’ Star Sean Bean Arrested for Allegedly Harassing His Ex-Wife
Game of Thrones Blackwater