Matt Damon Joins Christopher Nolan’s ‘Interstellar’ in an Evil Plan to Top Ben Affleck’s Batman News

Matt DamonWENN

It comes as quite the surprise to hear — so late in the casting game The Playlist’s reports that superstar Matt Damon would be signing onto Christopher Nolan’s under-wraps science fiction film Interstellar. More than just surprising, it’s suspicious. And the timing, well… it makes us wonder if the whole ordeal didn’t go down something like this…

He heard the news just as everyone else had — on Twitter, the information presenting as a sea of varyingly humorous jabs on the subject matter. Ben Affleck, his lifelong pal and secret rival, had been cast as Batman. Matt Damon grew red in the face. He thought he had won. He had just starred in Elysium, a science-fiction blockbuster from the creative mind behind District 9. When the reviews came in lukewarm, Damon became uneasy. “It’s okay,” he thought. “It’s still enough to tide everyone over until my next big move. My own directorial project, something that’ll really blow everyone out of the water. After all, Argo wasn’t that great.” He swallowed nervously as he forced himself to accept these words. “I just have to make sure he doesn’t do anything else before I get a chance to — ” And before he knew it, it was over. Affleck had been named the next Batman. He had earned the support of Joss Whedon and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Things looked bad. Damon had to do something. Rumors that he might get back in the Jason Bourne game? No, too desperate! (Though let’s at least keep ’em guessing for a while.) But what’s better than the character of Batman? Maybe the guy who made him cool again in the first place…

Christopher Nolan. Interstellar. That’s it. It’s perfect. “Casey,” Damon practically screamed into his iPhone 8 (a special model that only movie stars have). “How would you like to help me stick it to your brother?” And of course, the junior Affleck — already cast in the complex sci-fi — was on board. A meeting was set up. Damon had a part in the movie. Your move, Mallrats.

But back to reality for a minute. According to The Playlist, Damon’s part will be a small one, and is yet undisclosed in nature. Reports add that Damon is considering a script titled A Murder Untold for his directorial debut (a phenomenon we’ve awaited for quite some time), written by Chris Terrio (that pretty-darn-great-after-all movie Argo). But for now, we’ll just sink our teeth into his potential casting in Interstellar, and smile unknowingly as his nefarious ploy ensnares us all…

Author’s Note: We do not think that Matt Damon is in any way the sort of resentful, calculating menace illustrated in the above hypothetical scenario. We’ve actually met him. He was really nice to us. He complimented my tie. We love him.

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