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‘The Amazing Spider-Man’: 66 Questions That Must Be Answered

A new trailer for the highly anticipated The Amazing Spider-Man debuted last night online and at midnight screenings of The Avengers. Of course, I was quite excited by extended look at the reboot, but just watching the teaser left me asking so many questions. Sixty-six questions, to be exact. Here’s a list of queries I’m expecting the good people at Marvel Studios to spell out for me on July 3.1. Why is Spider-Man in a factory?2. Why is he looking at his hand while hanging from a ledge?

3. Should he be saving himself?4. Is Peter Parker a dock worker or just really fond of season 2 of The Wire?

5. How much does the penthouse of that Oscorp buliding cost? Probably a lot.

6. Did Ghost Rider just drive off a bridge?

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7. Did Spider-Man save him?

8. Is he going to extinguish him by dropping him in the water?9. Why is Gwen Stacy looking up in the rain?

10. Does she not know where rain comes from?11. Does it stink down there in the sewer?

12. How did Spidey get his webs to do that?

13. Are they sturdy enough to stand on?14. Why doesn’t that kid look anything like Andrew Garfield?

15. Why is Spider-Man always just hanging out on the tops of buildings looking at the city?

16. Is that what emo superhero teens do?

17. Is that like his version of listening to Morrissey alone in his room while smoking pot?18. Is that mask comfortable?

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19. I feel like it would get all wet and nasty from breathing in it and it would totally suck?20. And where did he get that costume anyway? It’s not like you can by the reinforced vinyl spandex at Mood or anything.

21. Denis Leary is playing a cop?

22. Really?23. Is this going to be the only time we get to see Andrew Garfield shirtless?

24. Why are we even watching Peter Parker on his skateboard?

25. He’s, like, flouncing through the streets of Manhattan now, and we’re supposed to care about his deck?26. Who wrote that small knives joke? Funny!

27. Denis Leary is playing a cop who says grace?

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28. Really?29. What is Peter building and why did it just shoot in his eye?

30. What is Peter’s father erasing?

31. Why do mathematicians only write on blackboards?
32. Do they not know how to use a pen and a piece of paper?

33. Are they just all show-offs?34. Who is asking about Peter and his father?

35. Where can we get some of those hexagonal windows?

36. How is Peter, a kid with no car, getting around and investigating his parents and going to visit some professor upstate?

37. Is this what the skateboard is for?38. I don’t know, are you ready to play god?

39. Holy s**t, what just got shot up into the sky?

40. Ew, what is that green stuff coming out of the lizard?

41. Toxic farts?42. Denis Leary is shooting a gun as a cop?

43. Really?44. Can Sally Field do anything in movies besides cry?

45. Do we like her, do we really really like her?46. How much do secrets cost?

47. Are Spidey and the Lizard fighting on the ceiling like a Lionel Richie video or are they on the floor and the camera is just upside-down?

48. Also, can Lizards crawl on the ceiling?49. Why is Peter riding the subway upside-down?

50. Is the floor sticky? I hate that.51. What the hell is that glowing blue thing?

52. Why is Gwen hiding in the wall?

53. Do you like Emma Stone as a blonde?

54. Should I go blonde?

55. I was thinking Kelly Osbourne purple, what do you think?56. Did the Lizard not smell Gwen hiding in the wall?

57. Do lizards really smell with their tongue?58. Why are Spidey’s eyes glowing blue?

59. And what is that red thing that keeps blinking on his wrist?60. Why is he sulking on top of another building?

61. Does he need a Joy Division record?62. Has yelling someone’s name in a comic book movie ever helped them?

63. Why is Gwen yelling “Peter!” when he has Spidey Sense to do it for him?64. Why does the spider in the logo have four really long legs and four short legs?

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