Let’s Mentally Prepare For Kevin Smith’s Next Production With 5 Epic Scenes From ‘Dogma’

DogmaMiramax via Everett Collection

The incomparable Kevin Smith recently announced that Jesus Christ would be taking on mankind in his new movie Helena Handbag. A few days later the director had decided that the storyline would work better as a musical play. Many fans of Kevin Smith don’t actually care what form this project takes. If Kevin Smith is making anything that has anything to do with religion and — specifically Christianity — then we’re all in. And in case you forgot how awesome Smith is at marrying religious doctrine with comedy, here are five unforgettable scenes from his epic 1999 movie Dogma.

Salma Hayek, The Muse Turned Skripper

You know you’re a Kevin Smith fan when you hear the song Candy Girl, and suddenly find yourself missing Jay and Silent Bob.

Jesus Christ Owes Chris Rock Money, Obviously

In which we meet Rufus, the 13th apostle who teaches us everything we need to know about Jesus. Lesson 1: never, ever lend Jesus money. Ever.

Bethany Meets The Metatron, Voice Of The One True God

Alan Rickman is everything. That is all.

Ben Affleck Might Need A Nap

In one of the less comedic scenes of the film, we see the anger and pain of the angels through Ben Affleck’s rant against God. Say what you want about Affleck, but when Damon compares him to the Morning Star in this scene it total makes sense. He’s terrifying!

What If God Was One Of Us/Alanis Morissette?

If you thought God was a white guy with a beard, or Morgan Freeman, or Kanye West you have been sadly mistaken. We all know that Alanis Morissette is God, and she’ll blow your fricken head off. Then she’ll put on a frilly white skirt with flip-flops and a fly-ass metallic jacket because she’s God.