Can you believe it was nine years ago this month that the world was introduced to Cady Heron, Regina George, and Glen Coco (you go, Glen Coco)? Yes, on April 30, 2004, Mean Girls hit theaters and immediately became a cultural touchstone for a whole generation who is still making GIFs of all the action nearly a decade later.
The movie was initially a star vehicle for Lindsay Lohan, whose career was on a rapidly upward trajectory, but a funny thing happened – Mean Girls not only brought her front and center but introduced the world to a crop of actresses who are still claiming the top spots in Hollywood as LiLo continues to crumble. Which of The Plastics now reigns supreme? We looked at the careers of seven women from the film to see who comes out on top. Who “won” Mean girls? It looks like writer Tina Fey.
Here they are in order of who is doing the best based on their subsequent roles, career, and ability to stay out (or in) the tabloids:
Tina Fey: Sure, she was the brains behind the whole operation, but when she wrote this movie, she was just some funny lady from SNL. She had yet to launch 30 Rock, win a slew of Emmys, and do one of the most famous impressions of the 21st century.
Movie Roles: Admission, Megamind, Date Night, The Invention of Lying, Ponyo, Baby Mama
Movies That Gross More Than $50 Million: Date Night, Baby Mama
Flops: Admission
TV Roles: 30 Rock, Sarah Palin on SNL
TV Shows Produced: 1
Emmy Nominations: 20
Emmy Wins: 6
Arrests: 0
Break Ups: 0
Scandals: Only when Taylor Swift told her she was going to hell
Assorted Pluses: Wrote a best-selling book and became a “thinking man’s sex symbol.” Did a bang-up job co-hosting the Golden Globes with bestie Amy Poehler. Is working on a Mean Girls musical with her husband. How awesome is that!
Assorted Minuses: I can’t think of one.
Rachel McAdams: 2004 made this Canadian a star when Mean Girls and a little thing called The Notebook launched her. She has more blockbusters than anyone on this list and hardly a flop. If she had the same awards recognition and was spread across as many platforms, she would have beaten Tina Fey. Turns out the nice girls do finish last.
Movie Roles: The Vow, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, Midnight in Paris, Morning Glory, Sherlock Holmes, Time Traveler’s Wife, State of Play, The Lucky Ones, Married Life, The Family Stone, Red Eye, Wedding Crashers, The Notebook
Movies That Gross More Than $50 Million: The Vow, Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, Midnight in Paris, Time Traveler’s Wife, The Family Stone, Red Eye, Wedding Crashers, The Notebook
Flops: 0
TV Roles: Rachel McAdams does not do TV… yet.
TV Shows Produced: 0
Emmy Nominations: 0
Emmy Wins: 0
Arrests: 0
Break Ups: Ryan Gosling, Josh Lucas, Michael Sheen
Scandals: 0
Assorted Pluses: Um, she dated Ryan Gosling! She’s also great in both comedy, action, and dramatic roles.
Assorted Minuses: She has a thing for dating co-stars.
Amanda Seyfried: One of the most sought-after starlets in Hollywood, unfortunately she has about as much smarts as her Mean Girls character when it comes to picking roles.
Movie Roles: Lovelace, Les Miserables, Gone, In Time, Red Riding Hood, Letters to Juliet, Dear John, Chloe, Jennifer’s Body, Mamma Mia!, Alpha Dog
Movies That Gross More Than $50 Million: Les Miserables, Letters to Juliet, Dear John, Mamma Mia!
Flops: Gone, In Time, Red Riding Hood, Jennifer’s Body
TV Roles: Big Love
TV Shows Produced: 0
Emmy Nominations: 0
Emmy Wins: 0
Arrests: 0
Break Ups: Dominic Cooper, Ryan Phillippe, Josh Hartnett, some real estate guy
Assorted Pluses: According to People she is the fourth most beautiful person in the world. She also has a taxidermy collection, which is cool.
Assorted Minuses: Did you see the list of flops? Sadly the movies she stars in are high-profile duds where the ones where she is a supporting cast member do aces.
Amy Poehler: She was always Tina Fey’s second fiddle until she got a show of her own that is just as successful. Now if only she could start reaping those awards in the same way….
Movie Roles: A.C.O.D, Monsters Vs. Aliens, Baby Mama, Horton Hears a Who!, Hamlet 2, Blades of Glory, The Ex, Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny
Movies That Gross More Than $50 Million: Baby Mama, Monsters vs. Aliens, Horton Hears a Who, Blades of Glory
Flops: Hamlet 2
TV Roles: Parks and Recreation
TV Shows Produced: 1
Emmy Nominations: 9
Emmy Wins: 0
Arrests: 0
Break Ups: Will Arnett
Scandals: Again, when Taylor Swift told her she was going to hell, and she had a snappy rejoinder.
Assorted Pluses: This award show queen not only killed it at the Golden Globes with Tina Fey, but she orchestrated those Best Actress in a Comedy bits at the Emmys for all those years.
Assorted Minuses: She’s always funniest with someone else and while she’s been in some hits, she has yet to have the big starring vehicle of her own.
Lizzy Caplan: You could barely recognize our gothy Janice Ian today. Not only did she grow up right, but she is one of the most well-respected funny ladies around. If only Hollywood could figure out what to do with the indie star.
Movie Roles: 3,2,1…Frankie Go Boom, Bachelorette, Save the Date, 127 Hours, Hot Tub Time Machine, Cloverfield, My Best Friend’s Girl
Movies That Gross More Than $50 Million: Cloverfield, Hot Tub Time Machine
Flops: 0
TV Roles: Masters of Sex, Party Down, True Blood, The Class
TV Shows Produced: 0
Emmy Nominations: 0
Emmy Wins: 0
Arrests: 0
Break Ups: 0
Scandals: That she’s not a bigger star.
Assorted Pluses: Between Party Down and Bachelorette she has a huge and devoted cult fan base and tons of street cred. Masters of Sex is getting tons of advance buzz. And she dates Matthew Perry, so that’s cool. Let’s not forget her killer guest stint on Season 1 of New Girl.
Assorted Minuses: If everyone loves her, why can’t she make any of her products stick? Also, she was in a Dane Cook movie.
Lindsay Lohan: America’s reigning tabloid queen and walking punchline, Lohan has been on an almost decades-long spiral and still hasn’t hit rock bottom.
Movie Roles: Scary Movie 5, The Canyons, Machete, I Know Who Killed Me, Georgia Rule, Bobby, Just My Luck, Prairie Home Companion, Herbie Fully Loaded
Movies That Gross More Than $50 Million: Herbie Fully Loaded
Flops: I Know Who Killed Me, Just My Luck
TV Roles: Liz & Dick, a guest stint on Ugly Betty that got cut short due to bad behavior, playing herself on Glee, a guest stint with her BFF Charlie Sheen on Anger Managment, and an arc on, of all things, Million Dollar Decorator
TV Shows Produced: 0
Emmy Nominations: 0
Emmy Wins: 0
Arrests: Between the DUIs, the jewelry theft, the probation violations, the court-appointed rehab, the stint working in the morgue, I can’t keep any of this straight anymore, but I love her court outfits.
Break Ups: Wilmer Valderama, Samantha Ronson
Scandals: Do we need to ask?
Assorted Pluses: There was a time with Lindsay actually had tons of talent, gold records, a line of leggings, a catchy single (“I’m just a little bossy”), and all the free clothes she could steal from photo shoots. Even now we’re still fascinated by her. Still we look at her like a pair of wadded up panties in a gutter, trying to figure out just how they got there and who the heck is going to get them out.
Assorted Minuses: If it’s not the shopping addiction, bad plastic surgery, friendship with Charlie Sheen, bad Glee guest appearances, the cultural scourge of Liz & Dick, getting publicly fired from a consultancy with Ungaro, the Playboy nude spread, all the nip slips and upskirts, then it’s, well, drugs, booze, and rehab. Lohan has blown it all.
Lacey Chabert: This was the Party of Five star’s big comeback. It didn’t quite work out.
Movie Roles: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Movies That Gross More Than $50 Million: 0
Flops: 0
TV Roles: Are we counting cartoon voiceovers, Christmas movies, and schlocky Lifetime specials, because she has a ton. No, seriously, she’s been a voice on like every superhero cartoon you can name. That has to count for something.
TV Shows Produced: 0
Emmy Nominations: 0
Emmy Wins: 0
Arrests: She couldn’t get arrested in this town. ZING!
Break Ups: 0
Scandals: No one is talking about her.
Assorted Pluses: She was really good in Mean Girls, you guys.
Assorted Minuses: Ugh, Christmas movies.
MORE:
Did ‘Mean Girls’ or ‘Clueless’ Have a Bigger Impact on Vocabulary?
Lindsay Lohan’s Court Looks Ranked By Appropriateness
TV Throwback: Lindsay as a Guest Star
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