DreamWorks via Everett Collection
Christmas is coming up and that means plenty of movies with a similar theme are coming out. Then there’s always that 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story. All this holiday goodness begs the question: What are the worst and weirdest Christmas movies? There are quite a lot of them but I narrowed it down to 10.
Surviving Christmas (2004)
I feel bad for making this the worst one since it includes the late James Gandolfini, but it just is a crass film that leaves nothing to the Christmas spirit. It was a shame, since I have also always been a big Christina Applegate fan and I’ve never been a Ben Affleck hater. This is the movie to leave in people’s stockings if they have been really rotten all year.
Santa Claus (1959)
Wait. What? A movie that has Santa Claus, Lucifer and Merlin the Wizard that wasn’t made during the drug-fueled 1960s or ’70s? Well, it was made in ’59, which was right on the cusp of all the impending insanity.
Christmas With The Kranks (2004)
It’s weird. Tim Allen appears in one of my favorite Christmas movies, The Santa Clause, and then he also appeared in this dreck. Jamie Lee Curtis was also in it and at one point I just found myself hoping that Michael Myers would appear and start stabbing everyone.
Santa’s Slay (2005)
Bill Goldberg couldn’t wrestle. He certainly can’t act, as you can see. He didn’t look that fearsome either – he looked like a deranged Duck Dynasty cast member. The title was also a horrible pun.
Deck The Halls (2006)
Again, I felt really bad putting this one up, since Danny DeVito is one of my favorite comedy actors of all time. That said, not even the diminutive actor could save this trainwreck of a movie that did nothing to embrace the spirit of the season.
Santa With Muscles (1996)
The other bad Christmas movie that featured a wrestler. As far as I know, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and John Cena have yet to make any holiday-themed movies, but there’s still time.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Great. A slasher movie about Santa. I think even the trailers gave kids enough nightmare material, let alone the movie itself. The worst thing? It actually spawned a sequel, which could have made this list, but I deliberately ruled out any sequels.
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
Ah yes. Now we’re in the ’60s and in the thrall of those psychedelic-drug fueled films. Groovy baby. I’m sure the nation was too stoned at the time to realize that this movie was ridiculous for pairing together Santa and Martians.
The Santa Clause 3 (2006)
Remember when I said that I liked the first Santa Clause? Well, this was the sound of the wheels coming off. The franchise came to a screeching thud and even Allen seemed to have a “I’m getting a briefcase full of cash for my payment, right?” look in his eyes in all his scenes.
Jack Frost (1998)
I just couldn’t get past the fact that the snowman that Michael Keaton’s character’s spirit imbued looked like an even grumpier Ed Asner. That in itself was one of the more mixed messages sent from the film. Also, if you do rent it – make sure that it’s this one and not the one about a homicidal snowman.
