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Get ready, Hollywood, for there is an epic prank war happening in your midst. At this year’s Golden Globes, hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler poked fun at, amongst many other things, George Clooney‘s perpetual bachelorhood, which Clooney interpreted as the perfect opening for a joke of his own. At a Sirius XM Town Hall event to promote his latest film, The Monuments Men, Clooney revealed that he had stolen some stationary belonging to his co-star Matt Damon — who the ladies jokingly called “a garbage person” at the awards — and wrote Fey and Poehler a long letter as Damon, in which he pretended to be terribly hurt by their jokes. In response, Fey and Poehler sent the unsuspecting Damon two huge fruit baskets, and attached a letter to each one. In the first, they apologized for hurting Damon’s feelings, and asked for forgiveness. In the second, however, they revealed that they suspected the whole thing was Clooney’s fault, and challenged the two to “step it up.”
Whether Damon likes it or not, he has been officially roped into a prank war for the ages, and Clooney couldn’t have picked two tougher opponents. But will Fey and Poehler’s quick wit be enough to out-plot such a master prankster? We’ve evaluated the teams based on their prank history, special skills, and comedic talents to determine who we think will win the Great Celebrity Prank War of 2014. Will it be Everyone’s Favorite A-listers or the Funniest Ladies Around?
Team Clooney and Damon
Prank War History: Clooney is a seasoned prankster, and has become known amongst his friends and co-stars for always having a trick up his sleeve. When it comes to pulling pranks, Clooney’s in a different league than everyone else. He never give up, and he never forgets. However, while Damon has assisted his friends and co-stars on a few pranks of their own, he’s been dragged into this war against his will, which means he’s likely not planning to give it his all.
Longest Running Showdown: 11 years and counting for Clooney, opposite Brad Pitt. 8 years and counting for Damon, against Jimmy Kimmel.
Free Time to Devote to Pranking: Damon’s starring in one upcoming film, and the television pilot he and Ben Affleck are producing just got picked up. Plus, as he said on Letterman, he’s got four kids. Clooney also has one upcoming film, but without any kids to contend with, he’s basically got all the time in the world for pranks.
Collective Number of SNL episodes hosted: 6 (5 for Clooney, one for Damon)
Collective Number of 30 Rock episodes: 4, all Damon.
Team Members from Boston (the pranking capital of America): Will Hunting himself, Matt Damon.
Collective Number of “Sexiest Man Alive” Covers: 3
Potential Prank Backup Team: Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck.
Are They Considered to Be National Treasures?: Damon definitely is. It can go either way for Clooney.
Special skills: An abundance of charm, the fact that Clooney doesn’t appear to have any hobbies besides pranking, an absurd number of villas, great hair.
Key Weakness: Damon doesn’t seem that into it.
Team Fey and Poehler
Prank War History: Funnily enough, they once compared themselves to “Cloons and Damon” in an interview with Marie Claire, in which they joked about pulling pranks on each other while filming Baby Mama. However, neither one is particularly well known for pranking people, it’s important to remember that, as they said in their letter to Damon, these are “grown-ass professional comedians” and as a result, they’re not afraid of anything. They’ve both got years of improv, Saturday Night Live, and long-running sitcoms under their belt, so they know what’s funny, and they’re not afraid to look stupid in the name of comedy.
Longest Running Showdown: Two years and counting for both of them and Taylor Swift. And only one side of that feud seems to be having fun.
Free Time to Devote to Pranking: Both Fey and Poehler each have two young kids, which eats up a great deal of plotting time. Fey also has two upcoming films and two sitcoms in the works, while Poehler also has two films in the pipeline, as well as her role as Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation.
Collective Years Spent at SNL: 17 (9 for Fey, 8 for Poehler)
Collective Number of Sitcom Seasons: 14 (7 each for 30 Rock and Parks and Rec)
Team Members from Boston: Amy “Boston” Poehler.
Improv History: They spent 4 years at Second City in Chicago and Poehler is the co-founder of the Upright Citizens Brigade.
Potential Prank Backup Team: Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers.
Are They Considered to be National Treasures?: You betcha.
Special Skills: Innate comedic timing, the kind of creativity spawned by three very weird shows, the ability to make everyone want to be their friend, great hair.
Key Weakness: Poehler is considered to be the nicest woman in Hollywood.
Overall Winner: Team Fey and Poehler. Clooney’s got the experience and dedication, but his reluctant teammate may hurt him in the long run. Fey and Poehler might not have such a storied pranking history, but they’ve got plenty of creativity and they’re always willing to commit to a bit. We’re going to give this one to the ladies. Your move, Clooney.