[IMG:L]The Primetime Emmy Awards turned 60 on Sunday night. Here were some of the highlights, lowlights and random observations from the telecast–timeline style!
8:01
Oprah welcomes everyone and shamelessly plugs her book club (Oprah, we know!), before introducing the five hosts of tonight’s show…
8:03 – 8:06
Howie Mandel, Heidi Klum, Ryan Seacrest, Tom Bergeron and Jeff Probst do a painfully unfunny bit that suggests we could be in for a very long night–and that a five-host format is, as expected, a terrible idea. The monologue is pretty much jeered all night long.
8:07
Nominee William Shatner joins in on the non-fun. Hey, what’s one more host?
8:10
Jeremy Piven becomes the night’s first winner. (And down goes my predictions list!) He makes some sort of roofing analogy that draws no laughs, but wins the audience over by making fun of the “12-minute” monologue.
8:19
Jean Smart sabotages every single Emmy pool by winning for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. She also becomes presumably the first Emmy winner to ever thank a timeslot during her acceptance speech.
8:26
The women of Wisteria Lane are celebrated on the one year their show is completely snubbed by the Emmys.
8:29
Teri Hatcher announces Zeljko Ivanek as the winner for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series and mispronounces both his first AND last name.
8:30 – 8:34
Oh, Ricky Gervais… Couldn’t the show have been three hours of just him?! When he does a winning bit with Steve Carell, it makes me long for a Carell–Gervais Office episode.
8:41
Conan O’Brien takes a shot at Katherine Heigl for publicly dissing her Grey’s Anatomy writers! Who knew Conesy had it in him?
8:43
Dianne Wiest wins two awards: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series and Shocker of the Night (so far).
8:50 – 8:55
Steve Martin makes a surprise visit and introduces Tommy Smothers, who nearly trips on the stairs (how does that not happen more?!). The traffic on his Wikipedia page spikes by 2 million percent (unconfirmed).
9:01
Josh Groban performs a medley of the best TV theme songs of the past 60 years. He temporarily steals the award for Shocker of the Night from Dianne Wiest, because, well, it’s actually entertaining!
9:07
Laura Linney wins for John Adams–her third career Emmy. She has two preious Emmys?!
9:25
Tina Fey wins for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series, ruining our chances of seeing the Flight of the Conchords guys in the flesh and potentially out of character. Damn her!
Next Page: 9:30 p.m. – conclusion; plus, the grade…[PAGEBREAK]
[IMG:L]9:32
The chairman and CEO of the TV Academy is introduced–which is seemingly the perfect time for a snack/bathroom/nap break… But it only lasts for two minutes!
9:48
John Adams’ screenwriter gets cut off during his acceptance speech just before it appeared to be heading towards overtly-anti-Bush territory. (No word on whether that was the culprit.)
9:59
The Amazing Race wins for Outstanding Reality-Competition Series for the sixth consecutive year. Don Rickles, already on the stage, promptly tries to ambush the acceptance speech and hijack the spotlight.
10:01
In the unshocking development of the night, John Adams wins for Outstanding Miniseries. Tom Hanks accepts, and…wow–even his speech gets cut off by the wrap-it-up music!
10:23
Paul Giamatti wins and thanks his on-screen wife (Linney) but not his off-screen one!
10:25
Alec Baldwin predictably wins for Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series. The camera stays on 30 Rock producer Lorne Michaels for an awkward amount of time.
10:27
Vanessa Williams and America Ferrera try their best to present the award for Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series, but the mic doesn’t work. Luckily it works for the category’s winner, Glenn Close, during her acceptance speech.
10:29
In memoriam: Apparently the audience members have only heard of Sydney Pollack, Bernie Mac, Tim Russert, George Carlin and Isaac Hayes.
10:37
Presenter Kiefer Sutherland gets it right: Just announce the effin’ nominees/winner!
10:38
Bryan Cranston wins for Breaking Bad, officially becoming the night’s biggest surprise–and a pleasant one. Even the dude who announces how many Emmys each person has won seems shocked!
10:41
Tina Fey wins for Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series and provides the best line of the night (does she ever not?): “I thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.” How can you not love her? Even her self-deprecation isn’t tired!
10:52
30 Rock wins for Outstanding Comedy Series. Judah Friedlander takes the stage donning an ironic hat with ‘best-dressed’ emblazoned on it; unironically, he makes every worst-dressed list in existence.
10:56
Mad Men wins for Outstanding Drama Series. David Chase gets a shout-out from Sopranos alum/Men mastermind Matthew Weiner. Classy move, Weiner.
10:57
The show ends before 11:00! I would like to thank the producers for only making the telecast feel like it ran much longer than three hours.
Grade: C+
The atrociously conceived and executed idea of five hosts was balanced out by very pleasant-surprise winners and solid acceptance speeches from the unsurprising winners.
