The tag line for the new comedy Slackers reads: “Higher Comedy Just Hit a New Low.”
Truer words were never spoken.
From National Lampoon’s Animal House to Revenge of the Nerds, college life is most often depicted on film as hard-partying, massively disgusting and, once in a while, gut-busting funny. Cliques are as prevalent as they were in high school, but with the added comic resource of dorms and frat houses.
This comedy (originally produced by the now-defunct Destination Films) follows a group of friends who whiz through their four years of college by lying, cheating and scamming.
During senior year finals, however, a nerd named “Cool” Ethan (Jason Schwartzman) catches one of the guys, Dave (Devon Sawa), cheating on an exam and produces proof. Ethan threatens to expose the triumvirate unless they help him win his dream girl, the brainy but beautiful Angela (James King).
Dave agrees to help, but Ethan’s woman-wooing skills leave much to be desired. To further complicate things, Dave begins to fall in love with Angela–and vice versa. Soon, Ethan wants war, with all bets off.
Will the nerd win? Will the cheaters win? Who gets the girl?
We won’t know until the film opens Feb. 1, but we can tell you that the characters only need to gather up an armful of previous “campus” movies to guide them through the semester. Here are some of the most valuable gems of wisdom we’ve learned:
Intro to Courses
If your roommate commits suicide during the term, you automatically get a 4.0 GPA as reparation. (Dead Man on Campus, 1998)
A professor will give you an A if you blackmail him with evidence of his affair with a student. (Loser, 2000)
Progress in Structural Engineering means your balsa-wood bridges don’t collapse in class. (Boys and Girls, 2000)
Professors should never steal a student’s class project for government purposes. (Real Genius, 1985)
Student Profiles
“Jocks only think about sports; nerds only think about sex.” (Revenge of the Nerds, 1984)
If you’re rich–really rich–you can hire Kurt Vonnegut to write your paper on Kurt Vonnegut. (Back to School, 1986)
Valley Girls can get into law school with good LSATs, a 4.0 in Fashion Merchandising and appearing in a bikini for their admissions video. (Legally Blonde, 2001)
Potheads can get into Harvard if they smoke weed that contains the ashes of a dead, smart friend. (How High, 2001)
Social Life
Guys prefer good-looking girls, but they will also accept a “morally casual attitude.” (Animal House, 1978)
Drinking your ex-girlfriend’s shampoo because you miss her smell doesn’t get you over her quicker. (Down to You, 2000)
Freshmen guys should not take classes before 11 a.m.; should consider beer their best friend; and should make friends with the person in their hall who has a car. (PCU, 1994)
After you graduate college, instead of getting drunk every weekend you can get drunk every night. (Animal House, 1978)
Successful athletes will always gain acceptance and win the girl. (Oxford Blues, 1984)
How to Deal with Adversity
“There’s a kind of freedom in being completely screwed, because you know things can’t possibly get any worse.” (The Freshman, 1990)
“No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.” (Animal House, 1978)
Have you learned something seminal about university life from the movies that we’ve missed? Let us know!
