With this week’s release of Predators, I am tingling with bloodthirsty excitement. To find a suitable outlet for my giddiness, I thought it would be appropriate to compile a list of cinematic predators that, while they may not have ever gone toe-toe with two future governors, make their presence felt upon their various prey.
Jaws – Jaws
It would be morally irresponsible for me to omit the greatest man-eater of all time. This predator not only terrorized Amity Island, but also managed to put the fear of God into audiences despite being a not-so-special special effect. I don’t think I really need to explain how effective a predator Jaws was when people were not only afraid to go swimming after the film, but afraid of their own bathtubs!
Jame Gumb – The Silence of the Lambs
Shifting from predators of the fish variety to Homosapien, is there anything more predatory in films than serial killers? Of the countless examples from which I could have chosen, I thought the antagonist from the quintessential serial killer movie was apt. Not to mention that Buffalo Bill’s modus operandi involves using night vision goggles and luring his prey into a den; making him an unparalleled hunter.
The Raptors – Jurassic Park
If you aren’t quick to believe every word that falls from the mouth of Dr. Grant, then I fear we have nothing in common. But if you don’t subscribe to his long-winded diatribes about the killing proficiency of these bird-like dinos, you can observe their prowess over the course of three films. I think my favorite moment has to be their slow, silent convergence on the wayward hunting party in The Lost World; arguably the only good part of that entire film.
Count Zaroff – The Most Dangerous Game
If you thought a movie from 1932 couldn’t rock your socks, I implore you to investigate The Most Dangerous Game. The premise involves a lunatic hunter who causes shipwrecks in order that the survivors may become unwilling prey for his brutal sport. Creepy, homicidal, and impeccably acted, The Most Dangerous Game’s Count Zaroff is a vile, vicious predator with no equal. This film represents the first in a long line of humans-hunting-humans films including The Running Man, Hard Target, and Surviving the Game.
The Alien – Alien
I know it sounds like the easy choice given its abysmal crossovers with Predator, but the alien from Alien is itself the ultimate predator. It lives only to hunt, feed, and breed; a biological marvel from another world. The alien’s effectiveness as a predator is exactly what should have made AVP great; Weyland-Yutani’s pet killing machine suddenly finding itself prey to the universe’s greatest hunter. Alas, it was a concept placed in the hands of Paul W.S. Anderson.
The Car – The Car
As much as I love this film, putting it on the same list as Jaws is cheating a bit. The Car and Jaws share quite a few similarities; mostly in the cinematography and the way in which the threat is utilized. But instead of a great white shark, our predator is a black Lincoln Mark III with a nasty proclivity toward vehicular homicide. All you need do is watch the scene wherein the car tears through a mobile home and obliterates the unfortunate occupant and you’ll agree.
Child Catcher – Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
No, that is not my simplistic description of this creep, that’s the character’s actual name. When Lord Bomburst wants the children of Caractacus Potts (God, could Ian Fleming name characters or what?) he sends his chief anti-child activist. The stick-like waif of an abductor tantalizes the hiding sprats with candy and ice cream before locking them in a cage. It may seem an odd choice, but this predator scared the daylights out of a younger version of myself.
Hans Landa – Inglourious Basterds
Fueled by an Oscar-winning (deservedly so) performance from Christoph Waltz, this sinister S.S. officer deserves a list all to himself. Modeling himself after an evil version of Sherlock Holmes, Waltz brings a slimy tenacity to the “Jew Hunter” rarely seen on screen. The opening scene of the film is little more than the exercise of a foregone conclusion for this most despicable of predators.
The Worm Monsters – Tremors
On the surface (pun intended), these creatures may not seem so intimidating. But the moment they burst from the desert floor and devoured a station wagon, my pants were sufficiently soiled. What makes these monsters such amazing predators is that they make running for your life the worst thing you could do, as the vibrations will only expedite their feasting on you. Few things scare Kevin Bacon more than not being able to dance, but I’ll be damned if these beasts didn’t have him longing for the quick release of an arrow through the neck.
The Vampire Clan – Near Dark
If you have been brain-washed into thinking the largest threat posed by a vampire is his out-glittering you, you need to watch Near Dark right fangin’ now. The nomadic, undead outlaw clan in Near Dark, headed by Lance Henriksen and Bill Paxton puts the bite back into vampires. The scene where they systematically kill everyone in the bar is gut wrenching and absolutely badass.
