1. This lupine lover who was easily misled by The Wolf of Wall Street.
2. This person who wasn’t clear about at what point they became disgusted by The Wolf of Wall Street.
How many times can Gavin watch cocaine-anus (is it called cocainal?) activities before becoming disgusted. We hope just once.
3. This “miscreant” who was reminded of the multitude of injustices white men face daily by a hard-hitting film, Shrek.
4. This guy who watched Alien and thought, “women, amiright?”
5. This dude, who seems to have been traumatized by the first 7 minutes of West Side Story.
6. This person who just couldn’t read The Book of Eli.
7. This person who is simply sick of dogs like Air Bud taking job opportunities away from the deserving.
That dog learned to play basketball, which I can’t even do. He earned that spot on the team.
8. This Birdman hater who we wouldn’t recommend Batman or Spider-Man to.
9. This Spring Breakers fan who very reasonably expected smaller nipples.
10. This Spring Breakers-watching wife who can’t be fooled.
11. This parent whose child thinks she’s talented because she watched Pitch Perfect.
Good luck with breaking the news to your talentless daughter, Karla!
12. This questionable parent who definitely ruined The Adventures of Milo and Otis for his kid forever.
13. This monster-in-law who has malicious intentions for her copy of A Field in England.
14. This Sixth Sense viewer who sees past Bruce Willis’ film choices.
15. This guy who understandably dismissed Predator 2.
16. This somewhat responsible alcoholic who may have missed the significance of Bowling for Columbine.
17. This viewer questioning the gender politics of The LEGO Movie‘s “Where Are My Pants?”
Isn’t it about time we stopped letting super harmful social movements like feminism from trickling into our family-oriented movies? If this keeps happening, these kids might grow up to treat each other with respect! And THEN WHAT?
18. This scholar who didn’t think Up in the Air was on his intellectual level.
19. This mysterious person who’s oddly secretive about his feelings for Rocky III.
20. This man who was able to immediately see the connections between 42 and the Illuminati’s reptilian royalty.
Also, Mr. Snell, if you’re reading this, I think you’d really enjoy this episode of The X-Files about a black baseball-loving alien.
21. This protective parent who does not support the human-robot relations depicted in Big Hero 6.
22. This guy, who either should have never had children or never have rented Furry Vengeance.
23. This person whose friendship with Carl was destroyed by The Expendables 2.
Carl had questionable taste anyway. #OnToTheNextOne
24. This overly emotional person who’s unfamiliar with the concept of narration.
Don’t worry, Morgan Freeman is not trapped in March of the Penguins. There’s a much more logical explanation.
25. This man who we would never want to go to dinner and a movie with. How did Casino even do this to him?
And why did he take his pants off to vomit in? If he had that much time to prepare, couldn’t he have found a more proper receptacle? So many questions.