Here we thought Taylor Swift, queen of basic babes everywhere, was spending her time off drinking pumpkin spice lattes, brunching with her girl squad and hand-painting Pinterest-worthy, glitter-embellished birthday cards for her friends. Nope! Apparently the 26-year-old singer has been super busy making music. The (very white) blonde (from an affluent, Pennsylvania suburb) is working on a rap album — but why has no one told her this is literally a terrible idea?
According to British tabloid, The Sun (which, let’s be honest, isn’t really be-all and end-all of reliable news sources) claims that Swifty has enlisted Drake to help her explore “the new urban sound in the studio.” We already knew the bogus dating rumors had to mean the pair were collaborating, but we didn’t think it’d be (at least, we were hoping it wouldn’t be) on a rap song.
According to the tabloid, Drake has already produced a few of Swift’s tracks and even added his vocals to one of them. Apparently, the former country singer’s new music is “a real mix of edgier hip-hop and R&B sounds.” Just hearing the words “edgier hip-hop” and “Taylor Swift” in the same breathe has made us want to crawl into a hole and chalk up whatever happens in 2017 to a social experiment gone horribly wrong.
The source claimed that Tay-Tay’s strange foray into the world of rap with her Bad Blood remix was so successful, she just had to go for it. “The remix of her song ‘Bad Blood’ had a less pop vibe — especially once Kendrick Lamar [was] featured on it — and was a big hit, so she thinks her fans will like her going in this direction,” they said.
Don’t get us wrong: Taylor is an immensely talented songwriter. We literally own every single one of her albums. We’re self-proclaimed Swifties, but this just seems plain wrong. What exactly is Taylor Swift even qualified to rap about: Pinterest crafts, kittens, finding the perfect vintage ottoman at a New England flea market? She already had the Internet a bit peeved when she was accused of appropriating black culture in her music video for “Shake It Off,” and we’re going to have to guess those same people probably agree that a rich, white girl from Pennsylvania really doesn’t need to make a rap album. Please, Swift, for the love of all that is good, quit while you’re ahead. Give us another 1989; give us another Fearless, even give us another “This Is What You Came For!” Just don’t give us a rap album.
There’s currently no word on if Swift will stay true to classic rap tropes and create a Kanye West diss track (even though she’s removed herself from “the narrative”), but a girl can dream. If it’s going to be terrible, you might as well just give zero f–ks and go all in.
Thanks, Taylor Swift, for shattering our hops that 2017 would be redeeming in any way.
