The Bottom Line: Sacre Bleu! Martin’s ‘Pink’ Stinks

Did someone forget to tell Steve Martin that The Pink Panther died with Peter Sellers?

Everyone’s favorite jerk’s done some wild and crazy things, but nothing beats his exhumation of the beloved, bumbling Inspector Jacques Clouseau for sheer lunacy. Guess Martin didn’t learn his lesson when he stupidly stepped into the shoes of SGT. Bilko, the military flimflam man made famous by Phil Silvers.

Unfortunately, Martin’s witless Pink Panther redo is an even bigger misstep than SGT. Bilko.

Sellers and director Blake Edwards created a series that lovingly paid tribute to the art of physical comedy. Director Shawn Levy, Martin’s Cheaper by the Dozen cohort, doesn’t possess Edwards’ gift for staging slapstick. Consequently, The Pink Panther’s pratfalls end with a thud, mêlées lack comic punch, and wanton acts of destruction barely create any pandemonium.

And Martin tries so hard to make us forget Sellers that everything he does seems so forced. Sellers’ Clouseau was an adorable accident-prone fool. Martin’s French officer of law is a “hopeless, deluded idiot,” per Kevin Kline’s Chief Inspector Dreyfus.

Martin isn’t the first to attempt to replace Sellers. Edwards continued—to diminishing returns—the franchise following Sellers’ 1980 death. But Ted Wass fell flat on his face as a clumsy private investigator in Curse of the Pink Panther, and Roberto Benigni suffered as Son of the Pink Panther.

Martin tells USA Today that it’s “a dream come true” to play Clouseau. Unfortunately, if Martin loves Clouseau so much, he should have let him be.

Then again, Martin enjoys making something old seem new again. No one remakes more comedies and TV shows than Martin. He’s certainly profited from other people’s hard work. 

SGT. Bilko and The Out-of-Towners misfired, and few cared to see Martin’s dance in Pennies from Heavens. But he scored with Little Shop of Horrors and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (based on Bedtime Story), and the Father of the Bride and Cheaper by the Dozen series consolidated Martin’s status as a family guy following Parenthood.

The Pink Panther was to ready to pounce into theaters before Cheaper by the Dozen 2. Then Sony decided to spend $5 million in reshoots to make Clouseau less lecherous, causing the budget to balloon to $80 million. Was it worth Martin‘s extra time and effort? The Pink Panther‘s estimated $21.7 million opening bests Cheaper by the Dozen 2’s four-day holiday weekend haul of $15.3 million, though it pales compared with the openings of Bringing Down the House ($31.1 million) and Cheaper by the Dozen ($27.5 million).

Opening weekend aside, Martin stands to gain nothing from The Pink Panther. Yes, we’ve accepted different actors playing Batman, James Bond and Jack Ryan. Clouseau, though, is solely the invention of Peter Sellers, and Martin’s pale imitation won’t make us think otherwise.

Also, Martin‘s return as Clouseau hinges on him deducing a way to recover The Pink Panther‘s whopping budget. That’s no guarantee, even after a strong start. Just ask Martin Lawrence. Big Momma’s House 2 opened with $27.7 million, but it will barely clear $65 million.

So enough with The Pink Panther, the Cheaper by the Dozens, and the other remakes that have made Martin so bland and predictable. How about a few more Shopgirls? Martin needs his own Lost in Translation—Shopgirl came close–but he’s never going to get around to it if he’s too busy reliving someone else’s past glories.

The Bottom Line
Steve Martin’s effort to tickle us pink won’t leave him with a black eye. But The Pink Panther’s long-term prospects look uncertain, especially if word spreads that it is as dumb as its hapless hero. So it remains unsolved–at least until all the box office evidence is collected–as to whether Martin has succeed where others have failed in trying to revive The Pink Panther franchise.