S2:E7 Last night’s Jersey Shore began with a second viewing of the fight between JWoww and Sammi, where they pulled off each other’s fingernails and ripped out each other’s extensions, which landed on some carefully product placed Wonderbread. The scene continued when Vinny pulled Sammi off of JWoww, and Ronnie attacked him for muscling her around. Everyone blamed Angelina for playing both sides, Sammi wiped spit from her mouth onto the bleeding bridge of her nose, and JWoww seemed unaware of the stain on her dress was an indication that Sammi had punctured her implant, and this fight should stop, drop and roll while she goes to the hospital and gets it fixed. Snooki, who’s been deemed incapable of fighting because of her statue of limitations, told Sammi she and JWoww wrote the note because they were trying to be her friend and do the right thing by telling her Ronnie was cheating on her. In case you missed it, or replaced the spot in your brain it occupied with how to set up a wee-wee pad for your puppy, here it is:
The next morning, Sammi walked around and prepared to go to work with Ronnie, puffed up as a floatie, because she managed to land one punch in her fight with JWoww. JWoww was also supposed to go to work with them, but she called out and said she had to go to the nail salon instead to repair the damage that was done the night before. During the afternoon shift, Angelina’s moment of enjoyment, José, came straight from a Francis Ford Coppola convention and gave her a white Fossil watch in hopes of getting her to sleep with him…which she won’t (even though he just came from a Coppola convention!).
That night, Sammi went to play pool with Ronnie, Pauly and Vinny, and everything was great until Snooki and JWoww walked in. You, if anyone, should know how annoying it is when you’re trying to learn how to shoot a ball into the corner pocket from your boyfriend and in walk the girls who wrote you a note that explains why there’s hook juice around his collar. Then Angelina showed up, wearing the watch that was given to her by a guy she has no intention of sleeping with. Poor Fossil’s going to tank now.
Later, Angelina threatened Vinny by saying she’d go back to Staten Island and trash his name. Vinny replied that it was Angelina, NOT HIM, who gossiped to Sammi and Pauly a few nights ago that JWoww was on the phone with her boyfriend and talking about how Pauly was drunk, I SHOULD BE HELPING FIND ENOUGH BAMBOO FOR ALL THE PANDAS OUT THERE AND AN USHER-SIZED OMG I DON’T CARE THE REASONS WHY THESE PEOPLE FIGHT, IT ONLY MATTERS THAT THEY DO. Then, Vinny called her ugly and the “Rob Kardashian of Staten Island,” which is quite the insult to someone who put in her audition tape for the show that her nickname was really the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island.
When everyone went to the club again (believe me, I WANT to tell you what night it was! But there’s no timekeeping device in Miami!), Snooki and JWoww decided to stay in because Dennis (Snooki’s manfriend) was going to come over and, hopefully, bring a friend for JWoww. So under the assumption Snooki was going to get laid, she and JWoww wrapped themselves in plastic and cleaned the shmush room. Also, Vinny and Angelina came home drunk that night and slept together. Even though they hate each other! Mothers ALWAYS lie!
Unfortunately for JWoww, the guy Snooki’s guy brought for her was not at all what she was looking for, and he was sent to go smoke his cigarettes in someone else’s MTV-provided garden. Oh well, we can’t live in a world where MTV caters to the uglies, now can we?