S4:E8 Luckily, last night’s episode of Jersey Shore kicked off with the resolution to Snooki and Deena’s car accident. It turned out they were, in fact, taken into police custody, but that was the worst of it. The meatballs were not kicked out of Italy but they were, however, asked to pay a lot of fines and Snooki lost her Italian license. But in any case, MAJOR CRISIS AVERTED!
“Snooki pulled the best prank on Mike…ever.” – Jenni
Thankfully, Snooki made a speedy recovery because the very same day as her accident, she pulled a great prank on Mike. What happened was Brittani — the American girl from Florida who Mike calls when he fails to pick anyone up at the club — showed up unexpectedly at the house when everyone was out except for Snooki (who had stayed home to recover from her accident). Snooki realized that she could totally screw with Mike by inviting Brittani in and keeping her in Mike’s bed so that when he came back to the house with a girl, they’d walk in and see Brittani already lying in his bed and it would get the (probably hotter) girl to leave. And that would mean Mike would have to sleep with Brittani, which would in turn reinforce her obsession with him. It was perfect! And that’s exactly what happened – Mike came back with his arm around some Italian girl, and was completely dumbfounded when he saw a lumpy figure hiding under his comforter. For a while, he and the girl from the club kind of just stood there but when Brittani lurched up like the daddy in the “Don’t Wake Daddy” board game, Mike got very quiet…even more quiet than when he was on the floor after knocking himself out by running into the wall. When he acknowledged that there was no way he was going to come out of this situation having slept with the hotter girl he brought home from the club, he escorted her to the door and then admitted defeat by leading Brittani to the smush room.
“Even his weiner is tan. I love it.” – Snooki
The rest of the episode was dedicated towards Snooki’s boyfriend Jionni visiting Italy. You’ll recall he’s the one who hates it when Snooki does anything that involves her speaking or moving because even the roots of her eyelashes embarrass him. And yet, Snooki completely loves him! It’s funny because Jionni is not at all a supersized guido juicehead – he and Snooki are actually the exact same size. They’re like two little double D batteries. And so after Snooki welcomed Jionni into the house and led him into the smush room, they smushed. Later, everyone was getting ready to go out except for Mike, who spent no time getting ready and instead told all the roommates that if Jionni so much as looked at him wrong (you know, because Jionni knows Mike told everyone that he hooked up with Snooki while she was in a relationship with Jionni), there was going to be another fight. Everyone kind of rolled their eyes because Mike’s new love of fighting proved he had selective memory about the last fight he had. The guys all told Mike to relax, because Snooki and Jionni were going to be way to involved with each other to even be interested in starting anything with him. When at the club, Mike continued to talk about how he’d never been caught off guard in a fight before, and kept insisting that if Jionni were to approach him he was going to kick him in the head because his shoes had a really good grip on the floor of the club.
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“Just get away from him.” – Deena
Snooki and Jionni understandably kept away from everyone in the group and hung out with each other. But Snooki noticed that Mike had been lurking around them, and this was really troublesome to her because she knew Mike would try and ruin her relationship if he had the chance. Vinny and Pauly recognized there was tension in the club and so they decided to go to a different club (because surely there’d be no tension at that one?) and in the cab, Mike told all the guys that he felt like Jionni was giving him weird looks the whole night. The guys knew Mike was being imaginative because the only thing Jionni was looking at was Snooki, and how she chose her most salacious dress to wear out with him. But things got really bad at the second club because Snooki climbed up on some elevated platform and danced provocatively by showing off her underwear in such a way that everyone could see, and not just to Jionni. This sent him bolting for the door, and for a few seconds Snooki was confused as to why her boyfriend had left her. In fact, for the rest of the night, she was confused about why he left her. Wanting to find out, she chased after him through the streets of Italy for what must have been a few hours trying to catch up to him so she could ask what she did wrong. She never caught up to him of course, but Jenni tried to explain to her that she was dancing too inappropriately for a girl who wanted to marry her boyfriend. Snooki didn’t have any of it and screamed at Jenni that she hated her, and then Jenni made it her own mission to find Jionni. Deena and Sammi finally got Snooki back home and put her to bed, but Jenni did not give up chasing Jionni, and she even took off her shoes to do it more efficiently.
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“See ya. You’re single.” – Jionni
Jionni finally returned to the house but walked right past Snooki in the stairwell. He went into a bathroom somewhere and locked himself inside it and so Snooki was reduced to banging on the wall asking him what was wrong and telling him he was being a dick because she waited for him out in the streets. He finally let her inside the bathroom with him and confronted her about dancing with her dress hiked up, but Snooki was so drunk that she didn’t recall doing it. And so Jionni threw her out of the bathroom and told her that she was officially single. Sammi particularly enjoyed the whole exchange because she and Ron weren’t the ones fighting, and then everyone compared Snooki and Jionni’s fight to the ones Sammi and Ronnie used to have. It was terribly obnoxious, though, that Sammi pranced around the house acting like she was so above such outlandish behavior. In the end, Snooki crawled back into bed and then Jionni snuck out of the bathroom, got his bag and hightailed it to the airport. The roommates were all shocked that he’d have the audacity to leave because being crazy and silly is just Snooki’s personality and he shouldn’t let it get to him, since that’s just who she is. What he didn’t understand was that Snooki wasn’t dancing erotically for other guys. She was actually doing it for him! And everyone sat at the dinner table and ate burned hot dogs in utter shock that Jionni was so insecure with himself that he had to be repulsed by every single little thing his girlfriend does. And the episode truly did end without Jionni coming back.
