Best of Summer 2011: Celebrity Facepalms

Summer is the time of year when everyone lets loose and acts a little crazy. The behavior stems back to the time when we were all students and had the whole summer to go nuts and release all the tension that had built up in us from the school year. Even adults do stupid things over the course of the summer because the notion remains that June, July and August is the time to get a little bit reckless and thoughtless. And celebrities do it too! Sometimes, instead of using their power and influence to make positive changes in the world, their judgment disappears and they get caught up in the fact that it’s summer, feel like they deserve a break from the pressure, and they do something stupid. And since this summer has been no different than any other, here’s a list of all the ways celebrities disappointed us over the past few weeks.

1. We found out that Arnold Schwarzenegger had a love child

arnold schwarzenegger, maria shriverArnold has long been criticized over stories that have him groping women and talking inappropriately to them and doing drugs and numerous other things that people are not supposed to do. But his supporters usually refuted those claims by pointing to his position in political office and saying things like, “how could someone get elected to be the governor of California if he liked to play ‘Tickle My Pickle’ day in and day out?” And so when we learned that Arnold had a child with his housekeeper 15 years ago, everyone’s reactions were somewhere in between “well, of course he did” and “hoooooooooly shit.” On the one hand, it was kind of amazing that he was able to keep it a secret from his wife, Maria Shriver (especially because he paid for the housekeeper’s house?!), but at the same time the controversy genuinely angered his fans because they defended him and stood by him throughout the years. So even though Arnold stepped outside his marriage 15 years ago, it frustrated millions of people that he lied to everyone for that long.

2. Snooki crashes a car in Italy

snookiWhen we learned that the cast of Jersey Shore was going to Italy, many Americans knew it was going to be a bad idea because Italians would take one look at the American cast and assume they were making fun of the local heritage. Intelligent fans of the show were terribly embarrassed that Snooki, Pauly D and The Situation, and the rest of the group were going overseas because America has a pretty bad reputation throughout the world right now, and so sending a group of people who have a habit of not respecting anyone (including themselves) didn’t seem like the best way to improve our global relations. But as the premiere of the fourth season approached and people hadn’t heard any terrible stories about how a baker was accusing Deena of sexual assault, our worries about the cast misrepresenting America died down…until we heard that Snooki got into a car accident that put two cops in the hospital. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt and while it was still kinda funny, we felt foolish for thinking their Italian rendezvous would go smoothly.

3. Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy name their son “Bing”

kate hudson matt bellamyCelebrities are known for giving their kids crazy names. Gwyneth Paltrow notably named her daughter Apple and her son Moses, and Jason Lee curiously named his son Pilot Inspektor. Nicolas Cage named his son Kal-el and Sean Penn named his son Hopper Jack. The trend seemed to be on the decline, however, because then stars went back to giving their children dignified names again: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck named their daughters Violet and Seraphina. Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick named their son James and their twin-daughters Marion and Tabitha. Tina Fey and her husband named their first daughter Alice, and named their newborn daughter Penelope. So in a way, there’s been a game of tug-of-war taking place between the celebrities who give their kids strange names and the celebrities who give their kids respectable and more low-key names. And just when it seemed like the fad of hyper-original names had passed and the regular baby names were on the verge of triumph, Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy chose to name their son Bing – as in doorbells, as in the search engine, and as in the beginning of ROUND TWO of choosing an absurd baby name over a normal one.

4. Tracy Morgan’s anti-gay rant

tracy morganTracy Morgan is a celebrity who makes it pretty hard not to love him. In addition to his comical chops he prominently displays on 30 Rock, he’s spoken many times about the hard childhood he had and how he protected himself — and his brother, who suffered from cerebral palsy — from the neighborhood bullies by making them laugh so they wouldn’t have time to beat them up. And so it was agonizing when reports surfaced that at a standup show in Nashville on June 3rd, Morgan unleashed a slew of anti-gay remarks, and even announced that if his son was gay, he “better talk to me like a man and not in a gay voice or I’ll pull out a knife and stab that little n****r to death.” Kevin Rogers (one of the people in the audience) wrote on his Facebook page that Morgan also said “all this gay shit was crazy and that women are a gift from God and that ‘Born This Way’ is bullshit, gay is a choice, and the reason he knows this is exactly because ‘God don’t make no mistakes.’” Once Morgan’s routine pervaded into mainstream society he quickly issued an apology, saying “I want to apologize to my fans and the gay and lesbian community for my choice of words at my recent standup act in Nashville. I’m not a hateful person and don’t condone any kind of violence against others.” He continued showing his remorse when he met with homeless gay teens in New York City through GLAAD, but by that time the palm had already hit the face.

5. Kim Kardashian x-rays her butt

kim kardashianKim Kardashian spends the majority of her time getting her nails done and dreaming up new ways to keep us interested in her (seeing as she’s not famous for any kind of talent). Some of the most recent stunts she’s pulled to continue being the recipient of our attention is receive a $2 million engagement ring from Kris Humphries, write a fiction book with her sisters that’s loosely based on their famous lifestyles, and have a conniption about the onset of a very genetic and very manageable disease, psoriasis. But the most despicable way she’s pleaded for our consciousness took place on an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. One day, Kim was suddenly so sick and tired of people insisting that she had butt implants that she decided to go to the doctor and have her butt x-rayed so she could once and for all prove to everyone that her derriere was natural. And once cameras caught her family doctor verifying once and for all that he did not see any implants in either cheek, Kim rejoiced. It was a glum moment for viewers everywhere – and not because we were wrong.

6. Lindsay Lohan befriends Paris Hilton

lindsay lohanIn May, Lindsay Lohan pleaded no contest to stealing a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store in Venice, California. She was sentenced to four months in jail but because she’s what’s considered a “non-violent offender” and because the jails in California are overcrowded, she was allowed to serve her time at home under house arrest. She was also sentenced to perform 480 hours of community service at a women’s shelter in Los Angeles and at the L.A. County morgue. Lindsay fulfilled all of her requirements without putting up much of a protest (which was nice, for once) and it seemed like she was really devoted to getting back into acting and leading a sober lifestyle. But then she became the target of outrage in July once again when she decided to befriend Paris Hilton, sex tape star and frequent drug experimenter. (Apparently the two were once very close, but they parted ways for some reason that doesn’t matter and probably isn’t very hard to guess.) To most of us, Paris and Lindsay becoming friends again sounded like a good thing because they both could probably use a friend who understands the pressures of the industry. But all the people rooting for Lindsay to lead a clean and honest lifestyle did not approve of the bond because Paris is known for driving under the influence, possessing marijuana almost all the time, mistaking a vial of cocaine for Chap Stick, and not making any attempt at achieving sobriety. So it was quite devastating when it donned on them that the production schedule for the sequel to “I Know Who Killed Me” was most obviously delayed until further notice.

7. Elisabetta Canalis gives George Clooney a legitimate reason to break up with her

elisabetta canalis, george clooneyBefore Elisabetta Canalis and George Clooney entered into a relationship with each other in September of 2009, George made it clear that he was not going to have kids or get married (in an interview with Piers Morgan on CNN, he even said, “I was married. Yeah, so I’ve proven how good I was at it, and I just…yeah, I’m allowed one.”). Elisabetta told George that she was cool with never getting married or having children, and so off they adventured into their fabulous life. But then a few years later (this past June), Elisabetta opened her mouth to the Italian magazine Chi and said that even though she was terribly happy with George and their no kids, she was “a firm believer in marriage” and that one day she would be married. That very same month the news broke that Elisabetta and Geroge had broken up. And you know what? Elisabetta is an idiot! If she thought there was a chance that one day she’d want to be married, she should have decided against being George Clooney’s girlfriend! She stole TWO YEARS that he could have been with someone else, who’d be willing to the whole “no marriage” or kids thing seriously!