Whatever Zach Galiafianakis had to say clearly didn’t sink in, as Justin Bieber has pulled yet another stupid stunt. Apparently, when visiting the Great Wall of China during a tour stop in Beijing, the singer had his bodyguards carry him to the top of the landmark on his shoulders. To make matters worse, the incident occured after he had forced his bodyguards to chase after him as he skateboarded around the city’s streets. Of course, once photos hit the Internet, people began chastising Bieber for his entitlement and petitioning for his guards to get a large Christmas bonus.
But what if we’re all being too quick to judge the Biebs? What if, instead of just being an obnoxious jerk, there’s actually a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he needed to be carried? Just in case Bieber’s simply misunderstood, we’ve come up with five possible reasons why he may have needed some help navigating the steps of the Great Wall.
He woke up thinking he was an Egyptian Pharaoh.
You know how it is: one day you’re ruling over ancient Egypt, the next you’re in the body of an international pop star. Bieber’s bodyguards were just trying to be kind to the visiting spirit and prevent him from experiencing too much culture shock by engaging in behaviors that would be familiar and comforting. After all, a pharaoh wouldn’t understand how to walk in those oversized high tops any more than Bieber would be able understand hieroglyphics.
He contains too much “swaggie” for his legs to support.
Made up primarily of hair gel and “swaggie,” Bieber must bear the burden of his swag on a daily basis. Sometimes, though, he adds on one too many diamond necklaces and his legs simply can’t carry him anymore. So, when his knees started to buckle in the middle of his outing, there was simply no other option than for the bodyguards to carry him until his body started to recover.
He was worn out from his concert the night before.
Headlining a world tour is no easy undertaking, and Bieber is too young to have developed the stamina to entertain hundreds of thousands of people and be able to go sightseeing the next day. Besides, nothing blows through naptime quite like tourism. Bieber obviously wanted to see everything that China had to offer, but he was getting very sleepy, so his bodyguards simply carried him to the top so he could squeeze in a nap that could be spotted from space.
It was a performance art piece about the nature of celebrity.
Instead of simply being an entitled jerk, Bieber was actually trying to make a statement about our society’s relationship with celebrities, and how fame will carry you up to the top of the world, but its fleeting nature means that you will be forced to find your own way back down before you’re pushed to the bottom. Unfortunately, he chose not to consult performance artist Marina Abramović beforehand, as it would have lended his efforts a bit more credibility.
He was trying to avoid peeing in a bucket again.
When you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go, but when you’re halfway up the Great Wall of China, you don’t have a lot of options. Since we all know how well things turned out the last time Bieber couldn’t make it to a proper toilet, his bodyguards carried him so that he could quickly take in the view before hitting the restroom. It wasn’t like he was going to urinate on a foreign landmark — he does have some standards of decency.