Are you suffering from the effects of June Gloom? It’s the worst when it rains in the summertime, right? Oh, you’re actually enjoying a warm, sunny summer? Well then, you’re in need of some ammunition for a few summer cocktails, my friend.
Luckily, Hollywood has been busy giving us plenty of reasons to pop open a tall boy or get the blender going (hey, we have to find money for all that AC somewhere, right?). Here are the worst things that happened in Tinseltown this week:
PBR Tallboy
The woman is rocking a buzzcut. A BUZZCUT. We put up with it when Demi Moore shave her head and still looked like a fox. We even made peace with the fact that Natalie Portman was even more beautiful without hair. But here’s where we draw the line. How are we normal people supposed to live like this? Oh. We could not shave our heads? I guess that’ll do.
Don’t tell our moms. Then we’ll have to explain how much Jesse Metcalfe’s shirtlessness had to do with it.
You want to know the number? Are you sure? I don’t think you do. It’s out of your price range. I guarantee it. But if you must, click and reveal the number at your own risk.
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The Revenge real-life couple made out in public. On a beach. Looking svelt in their swimwear. You were probably in an office. Under fluorescent lights. When you saw the photo. Life is unfair.
How do we make America smarter? Force them to play a never ending game of whatever you call trying to decide what’s different between two photos in the back of a Highlights magazine.
Some of us (ahem) even read lengthy legal docs for (ahem) some other people. CBS, couldn’t we have just accepted that TV audiences love reality shows and just got along in the first place?
Four Loko (If You Can Find It)
For approximately 15 minutes, the internet worried that Miss Lohan had seriously harmed herself. Luckily, it turns out she was just suffering from “exhaustion.” Don’t you do that to us again, Miss Lohan. Our little hearts can’t handle it.
Apparently, Bristol Palin (Teen Mom: Politics Edition) wants to get into politics… just like her mother. Get ready to endure some serious parody, little lady. The only question is, who will Tina Fey appoint to play Bristol on SNL?
When it was revealed on a DVD commentary that they did, in fact, use a prosthetic head resembling former President George W. Bush to put on a spike next to Ned Stark’s former cerebral center.
How are we supposed to get a real idea for the film if the cuts are so speedy? Oh, we have to actually see it? Well, let us prepare the Jackie O sunglasses, headscarves, and lengthy excuses for purchasing our matinee tickets like “I hear it’s Matthew McConaughey’s best acting in years” or “It’s Joe Manganiello’s breakout role!”
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.
[Image: AKM-GSI]
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