If you’re like me, you know a good government conspiracy when you see one. And this one’s a doozy: it reaches as high as the White House and spans all the way down to the Parks Department in Pawnee, Ind. And if you caught Vice President Joe Biden’s speech at the Democratic National Convention last night, you might already have an inkling of what’s going on.
The Internet has been all over Biden for his excessive misuse of the word “literally” in his Thursday night speech: the VP spouted the word a count of eight times, many or all of them incorrectly — in place of the word’s antonym, “figuratively.” (Doing so also inadvertently called attention to this syntactical epidemic facing the majority of young Americans today. The More You Know.) And while this seemed like nothing more than a mistake on the part of Biden, we know the truth. Biden wasn’t accidentally fumbling over his diction, he was quite deliberately channeling another member of the public sector known for his fixation on the word “literally”: Chris Traeger, acting City Manager of Pawnee, Ind… on the television show Parks and Recreation.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would Joe Biden want to assume the identity of Rob Lowe’s eccentrically enthusiastic health-freak on Parks?” Well, here’s the idea — maybe he’s trying to cover his bases in the event that President Barack Obama does not get reelected, and wants to prove to Parks producers that he can easily assume the role of Chris just in case something “unfortunate” should happen to Mr. Lowe… this is the government we’re talking about after all. But why Parks? Why on Earth would Joe Biden’s backup plan be on an NBC sitcom? Well, it’s not just a random NBC sitcom to Mr. Biden. It’s one on which the VP is regularly mentioned… as Number One on the Celebrity Sex List of one Leslie Knope, played of course by series star Amy Poehler.
Interesting timing. See, it was Thursday afternoon that the Earth-shattering news broke that Poehler and her longtime husband Will Arnett would be splitting up. A devastating story to many. But perhaps not to Biden! Maybe he pulled the Chris Traeger shtick in order to earn himself a role on Parks, where he has noticed Poehler’s character’s adoration for him. Perhaps now that the comedic genius is on her way to being single, Biden has decided it would be the perfect opportunity to swoop in and win her heart — taking Arnett’s place in her life, and effectively becoming… GOBiden!
And what better platform than the DNC? Biden, we know she’s wonderful, but it’s not the time!
It all ties together. Biden, Traeger, Lowe, Poehler, Arnett. It’s all connected. We’re all part of this. There is no escape.
Either that, or he just doesn’t know what “literally” means. But it’s more fun when you can involve Parks and Rec.
[Photo Credit: AP Images]
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