Miley Cyrus Channels Michael Jackson via Oh-So-Edgy Crotch Grab

Miley Cyrus

This is one time where we can definitively say that she isn’t just bein’ Miley. The singer/actress/offspring of the Achy-Breaky Billy Ray, Miley Cyrus has decided to play it really edgy this year, and has ripped a page straight out of the Michael Jackson playbook to maintain her oh-so-totally-punk image.

At Sunday night’s VH1 Divas concert at L.A.’s Shrine Auditorium, Cyrus took to the stage and randily grabbed her crotch in the middle of what we can only imagine is an…inventive take on the 1983 Billy Idol classic, “Rebel Yell.” But it looks like the crotch grab wasn’t the only move Cyrus pulled out that night: she also crowd-surfed through the audience. Of a VH1 Divas concert.

So while we commend Cyrus on her uncanny ability to make even the coolest things look uncool in the most un-punk-rock situations ever, we have a few suggestions. Maybe next time keep it to the club scene, Cyrus. CBGB’s isn’t around anymore, but that doesn’t meant there aren’t plenty of places with roofs from which you can shout your newfound punk rockedness from. But do it in your own way, Miley. That’s the secret of being truly too punx for this s**t. Allow us to elaborate:

The Devil Horns: Nothing says I’m-too-cool-for-this-s**t than a pair of hard-rockin’ devil horns…in 1972. The only problem is that they’re so far from cool these days, that it will seem like a totally lame cop out.

The Air Guitar: Never do this. Ever. Unless you know how to pull some really high, really convincing air. Or just stick with never.

The Mosh: If you’re at a truly punk show (at like, Asbury Lanes in New Jersey or something), this move is acceptable. When surrounded by other people just going crazy. DO NOT (I repeat!) do not do this by yourself. Or on a stage. Just ask Green Day. And don’t try to outsmart us by attempting to Pogo either: we’re onto you, Cyrus!

The Axl Rose Snake Dance: This one you might actually be able to pull off, Miley. You’re young and therefore very limber and lithe. But if you do it wrong, you’re going to look like a total moron, so maybe this one should stay in the 80s.

The Headbang: We’ve seen you attempt this one before, Miley. With the new, shorter ‘do, it has a lot less of an impact, so maybe keep this one for your days of stick-straight, black extensions (which we know are probably inevitable at this point).

The Elvis Hip Shuffle: Because you are not Elvis, duh. And even still, this only really has an impact when it’s a very attractive gentleman, anyway. Ladies be hip-shakin’ all of the times!

In the end, the essence of being punk is being true to yourself above all costs, f**k what everyone else thinks. So just keep on bein’ Miley, Miley, and you’ll be juuuuuust fine. Or something.

What did you think of Miley’s crotch-grab? Is she too cool for this scene anymore? Let us know in the comments!

[Photo Credit: Michael Tran/FilmMagic]

Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes


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