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Gossip Girl, Season 1: Ep. 7 “Victor/Victrola” Review

Soap opera glory–at long last.

Certainly, there were hints before (Blair’s Ivy Day announcement that Serena has a drug problem perhaps the best example), but this is the episode where Gossip Girl finally rose to the sacred heights of full-on daytime television pathos.

It was touch and go there for a while. Sure, we got an opening flash of Howie Archibald and a baggie of white powder and a quick glimpse of the burlesque club that Chuck now calls home, but then we had to watch Blair and Jenny play an annoying round of ‘I hate secrets’ and an even more awkward scene of Dan and Serena making out on the high school steps.

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I was starting to lose hope, but then things took a turn for the worse, which is to say, the better.

Suddenly, we got that absolutely psychotic scene of Anne Archibald in denial over her husband’s coke problem, plenty of up-close-and-personal strip club flesh, Chuck’s nefarious revenge plan against his father, and Howie heading up the river on fraud charges.

Now, that’s what I call fun.

I do have a few bones to pick: Blair as a burlesque dancer? I get that there’s a serious rating bump to be had every time Leighton Meester appears in her underwear, but when she prefaces that appearance by claiming “I’ve got some moves” and then is indistinguishable from the brass pole she’s dancing next to. Well, come on girl, learn to shake that ass.

And Serena and Dan trying desperately to get it on. Am I the only one who thinks this couple lost their chemistry somewhere around the time they fell in love?

Plus, what’s up with Dan? I mean, this is the guy who’s got a rock star for a father and a painter for a mother but still doesn’t know that lit candles are a good idea if one actually wants to have sex?

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Yet, all is forgiven because Blair and Chuck finally got it on in the back of the limo. This is the plot line that has long been aching for, the one that takes things over that General Hospital top. Now, the only thing missing is an evil scientist with some kind of mind control machine.

Oh yeah, this is CW television, so I guess that base is covered.

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