Serving up music with a side of bacon and ham
UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif., Aug. 30 —
A few days after I watched Russell Crowe, one of today’s most talented actors, demonstrate his rock mediocrity, I ventured over to the Hard Rock Café at Universal Studios’ tourist-jammed CityWalk, where another couple of movie stars, Kevin Bacon and Steven Seagal, were showing off their musical chops for charity.
That’s right, the Hollow Man and the now-ponytail-less Akido master were on stage–albeit not together–for the first-ever Charity Jam, sponsored by HollywoodCharities.org, which distributes monies to a variety of worthy causes. And mercifully, the wanna-be bill was balanced by a couple of music biz pros, namely Detroit rocker Uncle Kracker and acclaimed soul singing sensation Alicia Keys.
The celebrity scene was mostly B-and-C-list. Bill Bellamy served as the evening’s emcee, while concertgoers included V.I.P. cutie Natalie Raitano, perky Elisa Donovan (Clueless), towering Tyler Mane (X-Men‘s Sabretooth), soap smoothie Shamar Moore, curvaceous Krista Allen (“Baywatch Hawaii”) and one of the underwear-clad teases from American Pie 2.
The biggest stir was caused by the bodyguard-heavy arrival of rapper Eve, she of the shocking pink hair and panther paw prints just above her, uh, plunging neckline. Eve quickly fled upstairs to the restaurant’s elite VIP second floor, followed by Scary Movie‘s Shawn Wayans.
Bacon–whose wife Kyra Sedgwick accidentally left a permanent cigarette-burn scar on my middle finger (don’t ask)–and his brother Michael have released three albums together as the Bacon Brothers. While they didn’t have the crowd exactly sizzlin’, they validated themselves quite nicely with nice harmonies, a solid percussion section and Kevin’s occasional shimmy (nothing near his moves in Footloose). Thankfully the set was so pleasant, I didn’t have to show him my scar once.
Uncle Kracker’s set was heralded by the arrival of a very conspicuous couple, Kracker’s fellow Motown homeboy Kid Rock and his pneumatic main squeeze, Pamela Anderson. The high-profile lovebirds perched themselves along the railing, smooched and shared a bottle of beer (note to Pam: short skirts and high vantage points will win you even more male fans, but you may end up on the ‘Net again if anyone has a camcorder).
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Kracker performed a short but high-energy set of songs, including his smash “Follow Me” embellished with a verse copped from AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.” He also gave a subtle shout out to pop star Aaliyah, who was killed in a plane crash days earlier: “It’s been a pretty wack week…. This set is dedicated to everyone we’ve loved and lost.”
So far the show was two for two, but then Seagal took the stage and showed his singing voice could inflict as much pain as his deadly hands and feet. Bacon was palatable, but this was hard to swallow.
Dressed in his strange mélange of Asian silk and denim, the hammy Seagal chopsockeyed his way through a assault of reggae songs (!), telling the crowd he had just returned from Jamaica and hanging with Bob Marley‘s widow, Rita (if true, I DON’T have to wonder what she’s been smoking). Despite lengthy delays in setting up each act, the bar was still open during the action star’s set–and that was a very good thing.
It was almost 2 a.m. when Keys, in a jauntily askew fedora, was finally able to take the stage–even Kid ‘n Pam had called it a night by then. “Y’all have waited about 200 years and I feel like I can call you family,” said Keys, who proceeded to blow the lid off the joint with her soulful, R&B-infused, keyboard-heavy songs like “Fallin’,” “Girlfriend” and a vastly superior, bluesy version of Prince‘s oldie “How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore?”
It was well after 3 when Keys finally let the loyal faithful who had endured the long delays go home–and those who stuck it out thought her show was well worth the wait. And at the very least, we were all now another degree of separation closer to Kevin Bacon.
