‘RHOA’ Recap: Kandi-Coated Spite

Real Housewives of Atlanta, RecapBravo

This episode was all about fights: the fights of Housewives past, Housewives present, and Housewives fights yet to be. It seems like everyone has something they are intending to fight about and we’ll only see what happens with that.

Kandi Burruss is still dealing with the fight with her mother. She is rushing to make sure there’s more photos of her mother, Momma Joyce, to appease The Ghost of Weaves Past. She enlists the help of her assistant Carmon, who may be fighting with the person who does titles on the show. I always thought her name was Carmen.

NeNe Leakes has a lunch date with her friends Chuck and Mynique. There she drops a few bombshells. She wants the couple to start hanging out with the Housewives cast, especially since Chuck dated Kandi and may or may not have had oral pleasure from Phaedra Parks. According to NeNe, Phadrea’s not only a lawyer but a “head doctor.” It looks like NeNe has secured some drama to fight about either at the upcoming girl’s trip or on the Reunion.

Phaedra is back from Alabama. She’s also still in a passive aggressive fight with her husband, Apollo Nida. He apologizes again and they seem to have a détente. They are committed to making things work … for now.

Kandi gets all of the girls together for the biggest fight of all, the battle of the bulge. She has them do “Cardio Cabaret,” which doesn’t seem to be much of a calorie burner since none of the ladies break a sweat. Kenya Moore also points out that Phaedra is having a fight with her belt of her workout outfit baby weight. NeNe brings up the idea of the girls going on a free trip provided by Bravo girl’s bonding trip. They decide to go to Savannah.

Cynthia Bailey is fighting to stay on the show. She has literally enlisted her entire family including her ex-husband, actor Leon Robinson. Her daughter Noelle’s first relationship is getting pimped out for all of America. What better way to empower your daughter with good values than to broadcast her first relationship on Bravo?

Porsha Stewart is fighting health issues. She fainted and went to the hospital. She mentioned a condition where not enough blood goes to her brain. She also said she was very dehydrated. Hopefully, she didn’t “forget to eat” with all the pressure of her divorce.

Kenya Moore reconnects with her mother figure, her Aunt Lori. She brings up children and shares her concerns about fertility and her relationship with her African Prince of e-mail scam fame. She has a breakthrough that many of her poor choices with men and catchphrases are due to her nonexistent relationship with her mother.

The literal mother of all fights happens at Kandi’s wedding gown consultation. Carmon is there and Momma Joyce shows up in a Glamour t-shirt with her two sisters. Joyce is disagreeable and quickly starts grumbling mean digs about the wedding. Carmon questions why Joyce would even show up and Joyce hops up to attack. When Kandi comes out, in a lovely wedding dress, Joyce’s minions sisters say that Carmon attacked first. Kandi leaves to try on another dress and the fight escalates to Joyce getting up with her shoe to attack Carmon. Her shoe! That isn’t very glamorous behavior, Joyce.

It’s worth mentioning that Momma Joyce got bent out of shape when Phaedra hired a stripper for Kandi’s birthday. Kandi has a line of sex toys. Yet, a couple years later she is thrilled to get into fisticuffs in a bridal gown showroom. With that double-standard for violence and sex, she may want to consider working for the MPAA. Burn!

This may just be the tip of the iceberg because as we all know: When Housewives travel together, things get crazy fast.