Was it just us, or did the theme of 2006 seem to be the Year of the Celebrity Spin-Out? We’ve been compiling these annual lists of the flighty faux pas of the rich and famous for a while now, but even we have had a hard time keeping up with every star-crossed romance gone bad, movie star mea culpas, celebrity screw-ups, Hollywood hate-fests and the forgotten panties of party-hopping pop stars.
And as the year draws to an end the crashes just keep on coming, the debris of shattered careers strewn hither and yon like a star-studded NASCAR pile-up outside of Hyde. We’ve no doubt at least a few more celebs are already in the midst of a out-of-control 360, but for now here’s Hollywood.com look at the 2006’s most sordid celebrity spin-outs.
Being Famous Means Always Having to Say You’re Sorry
Just when we thought Tom Cruise’s 2005 Oprah-couch-jumping shtick had definitely raised the bar for celebrities gone over the deep end, Mel Gibson saw his public image go all Apocalypto after he downed numerous shot at the beachside bar Moonshadows, got pulled over on Pacific Coast Highway by Malibu’s finest and, given that in his tequila-ed state he felt he was the owner of the coastal city, decided to speak his mind to a certain Officer Sugart*ts. The Passion of the Christ director launched into an anti-Semitic tirade blaming the Jews for, well, pretty much everything bad that’s ever happened. Rehab, recanting and a very public apology via Diane Sawyer ensued, but even though his latest film got good reviews at year’s end, it’s safe to say that Gibson, still-not-quite-penitent-enough to suit some, got himself crossed off of every Hanukah list in Hollywood even as his low marked a new high in career suicide.
But even Mad Max’s mark was blown by just a few months later like Kramer careening through the door to Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment, thanks to Michael Richards. After bombing onstage at L.A.’s Laugh Factory, the once-beloved comic actor decided to drop even more explosives, hurling numerous N-bombs in a rant against some African American hecklers in the audience. Thanks to the wonders of cell phone video cams and TMZ.com, Richard suddenly discovered he’d finally found an audience as large as the one that used to watch his show, but no one was laughing. The Seinfeld Curse took on a new meaning, and Richards made the apology rounds with David Letterman and Jesse Jackson. No Kwanza for you! Or even Festivus.
Just a few weeks after Richards diatribe, comedian Andy Dick lobbed his own N-bomb onstage at the Improv, and even an apology hasn’t kept his career prospects from circling the same drain as Richards’. Meanwhile, against several backstage warnings, Damon Wayans dropped the N-word some 15 times in 20 minutes and found himself subject to the Laugh Factory’s post-Richards policy of fining the offenders $20 each time they use it. Wayans paid the fine, and like Richards was subject to a ban from appearing at the club, but—presumably because he’s a black man and felt he couldn’t be accused of using the word to offend or demean the minority community he himself is a part of—offered no apology.
Denise Richards had to say she was sorry to an elderly woman in a wheelchair who was injured when in a fit of pique, the curvy ex-Mrs. Sheen tossed a laptop computer out a window, inadvertently striking the octogenarian. Grey’s Anatomy star Isaiah Washington looked for forgiveness from his co-workers when a highly publicized heated row between the TV doc and Patrick Dempsey prompted Washington’s ugly outburst that unintentionally—and unflatteringly—outed co-star T.R. Knight as a gay man. But fortunately the TV surgeons swiftly sewed up their differences.
Gwyneth Paltrow apologized for her poor command of Spanish, insisting that was the reason for the “misconstrued” remarks she allegedly made to a Portuguese newspaper that categorized Americans as less intelligent and less civilized than the British (she lives part time in London)—even though she’s gone on record with similar comments in the past. The View’s Rosie O’Donnell apologized to the Asian community for her poor command of fake Chinese after many viewers took offense to her litany of “ching-chongs” when making a joke about an incident on her show being reported on TV in China. And Jessica Simpson apologized for her poor command of Dolly Parton lyrics when the poorly prepared and nerve-addled singer embarrassingly flubbed her performance of “Nine to Five” at Parton’s Kennedy Center Honor ceremony—but Dolly graciously accepted. With all that cleavage in the room, who could focus on the TelePrompTer?
And an entire corporation involved with the O.J. Simpson book deal debacle seemed to be apologizing. Public outcry scuttled the publication of the in-shockingly-bad-taste tome If I Did It, HaperCollins’ book of speculative fiction in which the reviled ex-football star would discuss how he might have killed his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman, even though he was acquitted of the 1994 murder and (wink, wink) totally innocent, of course. Not only did Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. dump the book, it canned a planned Fox network special featuring an interview with Simpson, and even handed a pink slip to Judith Reagan, the controversial editor that conceived the project.
Knots Untied
Celebrities may be willing to say they’re sorry to their public, but sometimes they can’t even make peace with the one who’s supposed to be their biggest fan: Their spouse. It seems Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson are among the only big-name actors in Hollywood who can make a celebrity marriage work.
Picture perfect couple Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe decided that there wasn’t room for both of them and an Oscar in the house, calling it quits amid rumors of Phillippe’s on-location infidelity. Matt LeBlanc split from wife Melissa McKnight when it was suggested he was getting more than a cup of sugar from his TV neighbor Andrea Anders.
Supermodel Christie Brinkley unloaded her husband of 10 years, Peter Cook, when she discovered the architect was going over more than blueprints with an 18-year-old employee at his firm. Country singer and Dancing With the Stars hoofer Sara Evans quit the show to do the divorce dance, accusing her husband Craig Schelske of having an affair with her friend and the nanny to their children (which the ex-nanny vehemently denied with a lie detector test), while he claimed Evans had her own extramarital fling.
And there were at least two and a half men involved in a pair of messy star break-ups when Denise Richard ditched Charlie Sheen seemingly in favor of her once-close friend Heather Locklear’s rock star hubby Richie Sambora, sending Heather into the unlikely arms of David Spade.
And it wasn’t infidelity but substance abuse issues that caused the union of Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe—the addictions were his—to go down for the count after eight years of marriage. Addiction problems are said to be at the center of the problems that broke up the rarely harmonious music stars Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown after 14 turbulent years of marriage, as well. And sometimes all you need is love, but often you just need a good divorce attorney: Sir Paul McCartney and soon-to-be-ex Heather Mills are headed toward one of the year’s most acrimonious divisions of assets—he’s worth an estimated $1.5 billion. He’s accused her of rude, temperamental behavior and locked her out of the estate; she’s accused him of putting the “beat-down” in Beatle by getting physically violent with her.
It’s been an especially hard year on that most delicate of celebrity unions, the Hollywood hottie and music star. Among the casualties were the marriages of Playmate/starlet Shanna Moakler and Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker (is there something in the water at Dancing with the Stars?); Kate Hudson and Black Crows frontman Chris Robinson (was her You, Me and Dupree costar Owen Wilson unwanted overnight guest?); Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro (probably due to arguments over who used up all the mascara); and, despite multiple weddings in multiple locations in multiple bikinis, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock after only four months of wedded bliss—they didn’t even make their silicone anniversary.
Heck, stars didn’t even have to be married to have an unceremonious split: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn officially confirmed they were no longer together, even as we still awaited confirmation that they actually were together; Sheryl Crowe gave back the ring to one-time fiancé Lance Armstrong, and Lance celebrated his freedom shirtless with Matthew McConaughy, who’d cruised from Penelope Cruz.
The O.C’s Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson decided their couplehood just wasn’t cute anymore; Zach Braff and Mandy Moore scrubbed their romance; The Black Dahlia’s Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett severed their relationship; and Eddie Murphy, who divorced his wife Nicole earlier in the year, decided gal pal and soon-to-be-mother of his latest child Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown wasn’t his dream girl when he suspected he might not be her real baby daddy.
But amidst the divorce gloom and doom, there is a glimmer of hope for you starry-eyed romantics. Although a few on-again, off-again couples—including Jude Law and Sienna Miller, and Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom—finally settled on off-again, some just couldn’t make a clean break: When British tabloid photos raised suspicions that she was using cocaine, supermodel Kate Moss took a powder from her beau, Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty, when his mounting drug and legal troubles threatened her ability to rehab. But the apparently cleaned-up couple is back together and she’s sporting a sparkler on her left hand—though her camp denies they’re headed to the altar.
One couple that is getting hitched is Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, who emerged engaged after a brief break-up. And though recently out N’Sync singer Lance Bass and boyfriend Reichen Lehmkuhl of The Amazing Race announced a split, just days later they revealed that they’re trying to work things out. That’s mercifully less confusing than the relationship between singers Jessica Simpson and John Mayer, who are either in love, have broken up or never actually dated, depending on who and when you ask. We knew Jessica’s ditzy, but it seems like she’d remember that.
Lastly, of course, there was the divorce everyone was rooting for, at least until it happened. The self-dubbed Chaotic union of Britney Spears and hubby #2, Kevin Federline, seemed to be going strong this summer when a slightly dazed, disheveled and publicist-free Brit took her case to Matt Lauer, defending her marriage to wannabe rapper K-Fed, whose only discernable talent seemed to be fathering children. But then, oops, she did it again, filing for her second divorce in as many years and causing many fans to rejoice and anticipate the return of the smokin’ hot pop tart of music videos past…that is, until they discovered she’d traded K-Fed in for new BFF Paris Hilton, and was making the rounds of the Hollywood hot spots dazed, disheveled and panty-free. Could it be that Kevin actually did serve a purpose at Casa Brit: getting the laundry done and keeping his wife freshly supplied with undergarments?
Hollywood’s Mean Girls
Britney’s entry into Paris’ orbit launched into the increasingly intense world of what we like to call the Hollywood “Mean Girls,” where every day (night, actually, since these girls rarely come out in the light of day) is just like a petty-feud filled freshman year in high school. That’s if in high school you kept a flask of Grey Goose and Red Bull under the front seat of your Mercedes and your classroom resembled Hollywood hot spot Hyde.
The omnipresent pantyless pics of Paris and Britney on the Internet firmly establish them as the premiere Popular Cheerleaders in the Mean Girls clique (if by “popular” you mean that two-thirds of the men, women and children on the planet have seen your cooter). But just like the film she starred in of the same name, Lindsay Lohan’s the Awkward Girl having a harder time finding where she fits in.
Her problems are just so relatable to any young girl: She’s getting teased and picked on by the poplar boys (socialite Brandon Davis publicly nicknamed the redhead “Firecrotch”); she’s going through growing pains with her mom (she and Dina had an ugly public row at a New York bistro); the adults at work don’t understand her (Bobby co-star William H. Macy called her out on her chronic lateness, Morgan Creek studio head James G. Robinson sent her a letter blasting her for frequently failing to show up for work, including calling in sick after partying all night at the L.A. nightclub Guy’s, and Al Gore swiftly denied her allegations that he’d offered to help rehabilitate her image).
The girl’s a little klutzy (she’s been frequently hospitalized for various sprains, fractures and ailments, most notably “dehydration,” and had her third car crash in two years); she has some “daddy issues” (papa Micheal, in prison for drunk driving, drew editorial cartoon art depicting how he’s being denied access to his daughter); she can’t quite tell who her friends really are (some nights she’s seen partying with Paris, others she’s calling her the C-word and telling paparazzi Paris hit her); she’s having some academic troubles (her various text messages and emails reveal only a passing familiarity with spelling and grammar) and just enrolled in her hardest class EVER (she’s attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings) and of course she’s got trouble with boys (she’s bounced between Hard Rock Hotel heir Harry Morton, Paris’ ex Stavros Niarchos and Kate Moss’ ex, singer Jamie Burch).
Yep, just a normal, average girl.
Not that the rest of the Mean Girls clique isn’t fascinating. Simple Life stars and longtime BFFs Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie finally patched up their long-running feud, just in time for Nicole to split with her substitute BFF and personal stylist Rachel Zoe AKA “Rasin Face,” who turned once-frumpy and fashion-impaired Nicole into a style icon while also reportedly encouraging the eating disorder that has shrunk her to 85 lbs. Paris, meanwhile, turned her catfight over to Shanna Moakler, each one filing a police report on the other after an altercation at Hyde over Paris’ smooching sessions with Shanna’s just-split hubby Travis Barker.
Other members of the party posse include Kimberly Stewart, who blasted her own dad Rod Stewart for having a “big mouth” when he told the press she had liver disease from drinking too much, and singer Avril Lavigne, who showed paparazzi photogs what she thought of them when she spit on them as she left Hyde on her birthday. Then there’s MTV reality honey Kristin Cavallari, who was dating Bruce Jenner’s son Brody, until he started dating Nicole Richie, until they split and he hooked up with Kristin’s best friend Lauren Conrad, who…we could go on, but we just realized the Mean Girls clique only really passes as famous because US Weekly tells us they are.
Famous Fussin’ and Fightin’
You didn’t have to be an heiress or an ex-reality star on the cocktail circuit to engage in some catty backbiting—2006’s Celebrity Spin-Outs could easily be subtitled the Year of the Celebrity Feud. Take a look at the fight cards:
Oprah Winfrey vs. James Frey: The revered talk show host took author Frey to task on her show after he revealed that his memoir of alcohol and drug addiction A Million Little Pieces—which leapt atop bestseller lists with Winfrey’s endorsement—was a fraud, especially after she had defended its veracity before the truth came out. “It is difficult for me to talk to you because I really feel duped,” she told Frey, “but more importantly I feel that you betrayed millions of readers.”
Sumner Redstone vs. Tom Cruise: The octogenarian CEO of Viacom chose to end Cruise’s 14-year deal with Paramount Pictures, saying that the actor’s conduct had not been acceptable (the perception being that Cruise’s couch-jumping, Katie Holmes-impregnating, Scientology-espousing ways cost the studio its pricey Mission: Impossible franchise). “We don’t think that someone who effectuates creative suicide and costs the company revenue should be on the lot,” said Redstone. Cruise’s reps said the actor was offended at Redstone’s “graceless” comments.
Tina Fey vs. Paris Hilton: The comic but usually always classy 30 Rock star couldn’t resist calling out Hilton’s self-obsessed stint hosting Saturday Night Live, in which Fey called the socialite “a piece of sh*t” host and a “nightmare,” and said up close she looks like “a tranny.”
Heidi Klum vs. Elle MacPherson: In a catfight that millions of men would have shelled out cash to see resolved on pay-per-view, supermodel Klum created a tempest in a C cup when she claimed in a TV ad for Victoria’s Secret’s The Body bra that fashion industry insiders had dubbed her “The Body,” when in reality MacPherson had been bestowed that nickname for two decades. MacPherson, who’s heads her own fashion brand that uses the monicker, nearly sued for copyright infringement until a cooler head—namely the Dalai Lama—persuaded her to say “Let her have it.”
Janet Jackson vs. Justin Timberlake: The center of the wardrobe malfunction seen ‘round the world at the 2004 Super Bowl admitted that she hasn’t spoken to her performing partner Timberlake who accidentally ripped her bustier and revealed her breast since the incident, feeling that he didn’t adequately defend her in the FCC firestorm that followed. Timberlake, who’s tried to make contact with Jackson over the years, copped to not carrying his share of blame.
Justin Timberlake vs. Taylor Hicks: The former N’Sync-er wasn’t making any new friends, either, when he lambasted American Idol winner Taylor Hicks. “People think he looks so normal and he’s so sweet and he’s so earnest, but he can’t carry a tune in a bucket,” Timberlake reportedly said, though his publicist quickly labeled the comments as taken out of context.
Taylor Hicks vs. American Idol: This season’s champ looked like he was taking a nip at the hand that fed him when he reportedly told a music magazine that the top-rated music competition was “fizzling out” and distanced himself from the immediate post-win music the show required him to perform. Taking a page out of Timberlake’s books, Mr. Soul Patrol backpeddled by labeling his remarks with a familiar refrain” out of context.
Faith Hill vs. Carrie Underwood: When American Idol’s countrified cutie snagged the female vocalist of the year trophy at the Country Music Association Awards, live TV cameras caught Hill backstage having a conniption fit, flailing her arms and exclaiming an exasperated “What?” in diva-like disbelief. Hill said she’s never insult or undermine a fellow artists, while her reps insisted she was merely being “playful.”
Tori Spelling vs. Candy Spelling: In a frosty family feud worthy of Aaron Spelling’s Dynasty, the late TV titan’s daughter and widow appear only to be speaking to one another through their publicists and People magazine. Before her father died, Tori patched up a nine-month rift with Aaron, who launched her career, but mom Candy reportedly remained miffed due to the unflattering portrayal of her on Tori’s VH1 series So NoTORIous. When Aaron died, Candy neglected to personally inform her daughter, who inherited less than $1 million of his $300 million estate. Tori, newly remarried and expecting a baby, recently held a garage sale of her Donna Martin mementos and is currently peddling a memoir to pay the bills.
But for real no-holds barred feuding, no one has anything on the ladies of The View!
Star Jones vs. Barbara Walters: After learning that series creator Barbara Walters had decided that The View would no longer require Jones’ services after her contract ran out due to her increasingly diva-like behavior and constant product pimping, Jones dropped the bomb live on TV several weeks before the graceful exit she was expected to make. “Blindsided” and “betrayed” by Jones’ actions and comments to the media, Walters told her to walk, effective immediately. Adding insult to injury, Walters replaced Jones with one of her most persistent critics, chat queen Rosie O’Donnell.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck vs. Law & Order: Stunned to learn of an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit in which a 30-year-old woman named Elizabeth Hassenback is raped twice and murdered, the famously conservative 29-year-old called one of the show’s producers to tell him she felt is was “socially irresponsible and gruesomely suggestive” to take such a macabre swipe at her. After getting a terse and reluctant apology from the exec, followed by a hang-up, Hasselbeck said she’d feel uncomfortable sharing the sofa with anyone from SVU, though Barbara Walters insisted the cast would continue to be welcomed.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck vs. the rest of The View ladies: Hasselbeck’s unabashedly conservative Republican worldview routinely serves as a match dropped into the powder keg of her co-hosts’ staunchly liberal outlooks, and Hot Topics segment frequently ends with someone hot under the collar. A scolding Barbara Walters reduced her to tears as she got emotional on the subject of the Plan B morning-after pill, while she and Joy Behar frequently spar over the merits of the Bush administration—things got especially tense when Hasselbeck called Sen. John Kerry “Mel Gibson without the booze.”
Kelly Ripa vs. Clay Aiken vs. Rosie O’Donnell: The View so deftly generated headline after headline this year, the show even stole the spotlight from another daytime controversy. When impatient co-host
Ripa said she was simply reacting to his “disrespectful” act and a fear of bringing cold and flu germs back to her three kids. O’Donnell weighed in, labeling Ripa’s comments “homophobic,” prompting a testy Ripa to make a tense live call into the show scolding O’Donnell for saying so, and O’Donnell was far from pleased with the live exchange. But Barbara Walters played peacemaker the following day. If the ladies take their right to talk a tad seriously—they do host chat fests, after all—Aiken took the whole thing more in stride, letting Tori Spelling muzzle him with her hand at the American Music Awards.
Drunk and Disorderly
Most people envy celebrities for their ability to enjoy the high life filled with Cosmos and Cristal, but occasionally that life gets a little too high and an overindulged star ends up in headlines as painful as a hangover.
After a night on the town with pal George Clooney, diminutive actor-director Danny DeVito bypassed his bed and embarked straight to a visibly sloshed visit to The View. He slurred his way through a long-winded tale about wrecking the White House’s Lincoln Bedroom with his wife Rhea Perlman, got bleeped bagging on George W. Bush and hopped into Rosie O’Donnell‘s lap. Later, DeVito made a cellular Walk of Shame, calling Barbara Walters to apologize, presumably realizing that the seven limoncellos exceeded the alcohol limit of his five-foot frame.
An over-served Kanye West took inebriated umbrage with the fact that his song “Touch the Sky” didn’t win for best video at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Copenhagen and crashed the stage when the actual winners, the Parisian duo Justice vs. Simian, were collecting their trophy. Launching into a disgruntled, expletive-filled tirade, West reminded everyone that his video cost a million dollars and featured Pamela Anderson, and insisted “if I don’t win, the awards show loses credibility.” Wait, who just lost credibility here?
Uneasy lies the head that wore the crown: On the road to becoming 2006’s Miss USA, Tara Connor pooh-poohed the hard-parting proclivities of the Paris Hilton crowd. But after the 20-year-old gained the crown she became a too familiar—and underaged—face in several New York nightspots, toting her tiara and a whirlwind of rumors of binge-drinking, cocaine-sampling and a few too many casual hookups, including public make-out sessions with Miss Teen USA. After being booted from her posh free digs in pageant owner Donald Trump‘s Trump Place property, she came close to being dethroned one day after she came of legal drinking age, but The Apprentice boss opted, for once, not to say “You’re fired.”
These inebriated escapades were certainly embarrassing, but at least they were able to sleep them off at home. Several other over-served stars weren’t as lucky, forced to sober up behind bars as they wondered how soon their mug shot would show up on The Smoking Gun. Mel Gibson’s Anti-Semitic ravings become the bigger story, but his rant was kicked off by his arrest on Pacific Coast Highway after a Los Angeles County Sheriff’s deputy allegedly observed him driving his 2006 Lexus LS at more than 85 mph shortly after 2 a.m. He was arrested for drunken driving, having an elevated blood-alcohol level and having an open bottle of tequila in his car—charges he later pleaded no contest to.
You’d think someone even tinier than Danny DeVito would know she can’t hold her intoxicants—especially after she’s already been rehabbed for heroin abuse—but Nicole Richie was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence after 911 callers reported seeing her black Mercedes SUV going the wrong way on the L.A.’s 134 Highway for a few miles around midnight. California Highway Patrol officers discovered the Simple Life star pulled over, claiming she’d gotten lost following a friend and admitting to having smoked pot and downed Vicodin. At 85 pounds, we suggest she instead consider the empty calories beer has to offer, and call a cab.
Unlike her on-again pal Nicole, Paris Hilton has no qualms about downing a hamburger, but a late night run for In-N-Out (we always thought she was a Carl’s Jr. gal) resulted in the heiress being busted for DUI after driving her Mercedes Benz SLR erratically in L.A. and was admittedly going a little fast. Hmm, a drunken Hilton rushing to get her hands on some hot late night beef—whodathunk? Comedian Tracy Morgan, already on probation for a 2005 DUI bust in L.A. was popped for DWI after allegedly weaving across the lanes on New York’s Henry Hudson Parkway and failing to pass a Breathalyzer test, placing him firmly between 30 Rock and a hard place.
Eighteen-year-old Oscar nominee Haley Joel Osment showed little sense, sixth or otherwise, when with a blood alcohol content twice the legal limit the under-aged star crashed his 1995 Saturn (seriously?) into a brick-based mailbox outside L.A., fracturing a rib and injuring his shoulder. He pleaded no contest to one count of driving under the influence of alcohol and one count of possession of marijuana, and was ordered, among other penalties, to attend AA meetings, which leaves us wondering if he and Lindsay Lohan share a sponsor.
Dodgeball actor Rip Torn couldn’t dodge the police who arrested him while driving his 1995 Chevy Cavalier in a Westchester County suburb when he collided with a tractor-trailer and later refused a Breathalyzer test (Torn cannily evaded conviction in another allegedly alcohol-involved fender-bender earlier in the year). Local police paraded the irate 73-year-old before the media, who slurrily declared his innocence, called the cops “a**holes” and dubbed the whole incident “bullsh*t,” expletives he perfected in his role on The Larry Sanders Show. Nevertheless, he appeared both ripped and torn in the mug shots that surfaced after.
Rapper Snoop Dogg—or, as he’s known on his increasingly lengthy police record, Calvin Broadus—was arrested at the Bob Hope Airport in Burbank for transportation of marijuana and for being a convicted felon in possession of a firearm, then a weeks later was taken in while leaving an appearance on Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show for investigation of possessing cocaine, transporting marijuana, being a convicted felon in possession of a firearm, and having a false compartment in his vehicle. Both busts followed an earlier arrest for investigation of carrying a deadly weapon at John Wayne Airport in Santa Ana. If nothing else, Snoop gets credit for the unlikely feat of getting squeaky clean Bob Hope, Jay Leno and John Wayne name-checked in a drug bust story.
Actor Daniel Baldwin played a cop on the series Homicide: Life on the Street, but tried some real life role-playing on the other side of the law this year when a SUV belonging to an acquaintance of the actor’s turned up missing in Orange Country, and police reportedly discovered Alec’s scruffy-looking brother climbing into the Yukon outside a fleabag hotel room in Santa Monica—a hotel room containing narcotics and drug paraphernalia. He was booked for investigation of grand theft auto and possession of illegal drugs, adding to a rap sheet already getting longer than his film and TV credits.
The year saw still more celeb drunk driving arrests throughout the country, including busts for 98 Degrees’ Jeff Timmons, Trey Anastasio of Phish and The Sopranos’ John “Artie Bucco” Ventiglamia, but we have to hop across the Pond to find the year’s biggest repeat offender, pop singer George Michael, who increasingly found his “Freedom” threatened by a series of altercations behind the wheel while allegedly stoned. In February, Michael was arrested in London’s West End when he was found slumped over the steering wheel of his oddly parked Mercedes, amid small amounts of cannabis and a stash of pornographic material, including sex toys and masks. The following April on Easter Sunday—Wham!—he crashed his Range Rover into a parked Ford Fiesta, then drove off only to—Wham!—crash into a parked Peugeot, which was knocked backward and—Wham!—crashed into an SUV, then reportedly sped home without alerting the authorities. “I’m a terrible driver,” he admitted, proving the point a month later when he passed out behind the wheel while listening to his iPod, crashing his recently repaired Range Rover into a traffic post. Someone apparently needs to remind Michael to wake up before he go-goes.
Of course, the consequences of an intoxicated road trip aren’t always merely embarrassing for celebrities—occasionally, the outcome is also tragic. Prison Break actor Lane Garrison found himself looking at the possibility of spending some off-camera time behind real bars after he was involved in a car crash in Beverly Hills that left two 15-year-old girls injured and one 17-year-old boy dead. Garrison, who’d been involved in a minor traffic accident outside Hyde just a few weeks earlier, met the teens at a grocery store and accompanied them to a party, but lost control of his Land Rover while bringing them home. The actor was knocked unconscious in the crash that killed popular Beverly Hills High School student Vaughn Setian, and is now under investigation for being drunk behind the wheel following reports from other partygoers that Garrison allegedly downed several oversized shots of Grey Goose before getting behind the wheel.
Garrison’s nightmarish experience is a sobering reality. Unfortunately too many celebs have to hit the wall before they seek help. Mel Gibson checked himself almost immediately into rehab after his Malibu arrest. Country singer Keith Urban had already made one foray into rehab, but just four months after his June wedding to Nicole Kidman he “let his guard down,” prompting reentry into a recovery program, and he’s is currently still continuing treatment.
And after two decades of sobriety Robin Williams, who’d struggled with substance abuse early in his career but quit cold turkey when his close friend John Belushi overdosed, found himself drinking again and made preventative foray into rehab quite quietly—though he admitted the public had some other distractions: “I went to rehab the same day that Mel Gibson was arrested,” Williams said in an interview “I think it allowed me a certain anonymity.”
More recently frequent car-crasher Lindsay Lohan revealed she’s attending AA meetings, but 2006 shows that there are several other stars who need to get with some kind of program.
The Best of the Worst
We’ll close out the Year of the Celebrity Spin-Out with a collection of our remaining favorite headlines and blog blurbs that don’t easily fit any one category.
Take the ongoing saga of Dustin Diamond, aka Saved By the Bell’s Screech, who kicked off the year hawking autographed T-shirts of himself in hopes of raising $250,000 to keep a bank from foreclosing on his Milwaukee area home, having frittered away his TV fortune down to near-homelessness. By summer he was claiming he was accosted in an Omaha hotel room by a female “fan” he met at a comedy club who threatened him with a can of mace and demanded money—the T-shirt scheme having not been ultra-successful, all Diamond had to offer was a PlayStation Portable that he recovered when police corralled her.
Then Diamond had an on-camera comeback in the most unexpected format imaginable: A sex video that featured the former Screech getting busy with two Midwestern girls and had Web surfers across the Internet Googling the phrase “Dirty Sanchez.” Diamond later denied that it was he himself who leaked the tape to celebrity sex video kingpin David Hans Schmidt in yet another bid to raise cash, but Diamond seemed suspiciously impressed with the porn-peddler, saying “I tip my hat to the guy. The Sultan of Sleaze has done it again and I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.”
Schmidt resurfaced in the news again when he announced that he’d retrieved a collection of nude photos of Desperate Housewives star Marcia Cross, taken for the enjoyment of she and her husband in the boudoir but accidentally tossed in the trash (along with her tax returns). Determined to demonstrate how classy a guy he is, Schmidt said of the redheaded star, who found herself negotiating with him to prevent the sale of the pics, “Yes, the carpet does match the curtains.”
Former Playmate and reality TV star Anna Nicole Smith has made a career out of posing au natural and she’s bared her personal dramas for all the world to see as well, but even she could not have been prepared for the raw exposure she’s endure when on the same day that should have been the happiest of occasions. The birth of her baby daughter Dannielynne Hope ended with the death of her 20-year-old son Daniel, apparently due to a lethal combination of antidepressants and methadone that triggered a heart attack. Even as she reeled from the grief (Smith reportedly blocked out experiencing Daniel’s death, and had to be told of his passing a second time), she had to deal with the inquest into the death and battle over the identity of the newborn’s father (tabloid paparazzo Larry Birkhead says he’s daddy; longtime Smith attorney and apparent lover Howard K. Stern says the girl is his, and a California judge’s weighing whether to order a paternity test). She was also ordered to vacate the Bahamian mansion she’d been living in after being evicted by the ex-boyfriend who loaned it to her and returned to the U.S. to continue her long-running legal bid to claim the multi-million-dollar fortune of her late octogenarian husband. It’s an ugly series of skirmishes that even TrimSpa can’t make beautiful again.
Madonna had her own baby drama to deal with when a seemingly selfless and charitable effort to adopt a one-year-old orphan named David Banda from the southern African nation of Malawi, but the pop icon soon found herself under fire from human rights critics who suggested that she was using her celebrity to speed up and possibly circumvent the country’s adoption laws. David’s biological father also sounded off, saying he didn’t realize the Material Mom was taking the tot “for good” but opted not to contest the adoption in gratitude for providing his son a chance for a bright future.
Ultimately, Madonna agreed to consent to have her parenting skills monitored by a coalition of 67 human rights groups during the interim custody period—she’s used to having all eyes upon her. She also lashed back over all the negative press the adoption sage generated. “It was one f***ing thing after the next, everywhere we went,” she told Time “I have never worked so hard for anything in my life, and I’ve never been given such a hard time. And my celebrity has worked against me in every way.”
Perhaps it’s a good thing that the previous year’s Spin-Out Couple of 2005 Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes decided to have a baby the old fashioned way, but could even they have anticipated all the excitement the blessed event would engender, one of the most discussed and celebrated births. As the due date approached every celebrity weekly magazine had Cruise Beverly Hills mansion under surveillance, waiting for a race to the delivery room.
Adding to the mythic status was speculation that the engaged couple opted for a “silent birth” in the Scientology tradition, and that the delivery occurred just a few doors away from the maternity wing room of Brooke Shields, whose use of prescription medicine to battle an earlier post-partum depression was highly criticized by Cruise in 2005. When the bundle of joy—a 7 lb., 7 oz. baby girl—finally arrived on April 18, bloggers immediately began speculating about the real meaning of the infant’s name, Suri—which the couple’s publicist explained means “princess” in Hebrew and “red rose” in Persian.
But if the arrival hadn’t generated enough hoopla, the real frenzy came which—if you asked anyone working at US Weekly and its ilk—could not come soon enough: The media embarked on an endless Suri-watch, desperate for the first glimpse at the child, and when several months passed without a sign, it was presumed that some conspiracy was causing the soon-to-be Cruises to keep the kid under wraps. Even reassurances from intimates like Jada Pinkett Smith, Leah Remini and Penelope Cruz that Suri was a beautiful, healthy child couldn’t curb the sneaking suspicion that something was wrong with her.
Finally, the couple staged a not-so-subtle coming out party when in September they revealed the first photo of their baby—and seriously, Industrial Light & Magic couldn’t have come up with a CGI creation better designed to look like a perfect genetic amalgam of Tom and Katie—on the cover of Vanity Fair, and pre-trumpeted on Katie Couric’s inaugural CBS News broadcast. Suri had at last arrived, and all was right with the world.
At least until she has her own Baby’s First Celebrity Spin-Out. We give it about a year.
