Who needs an education that explores all the most important novels in literary history to write a masterpiece? Certainly not Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, whose juicy (ha, get it? Because it’s about juiceheads?) first novel, A Shore Thing, hits stores this week. All she needed was enough Ron Ron juice to kill a baby elephant, an untold amount of spray tan to give her that very specific and difficult to attain Oompla Loompa shade of orange, and a stint in a Jersey Shore pokey, and boom, we’ve got a novel that’s better than 3 a.m. tequila shots on the boardwalk.
The New York Post has obtained some of Snooki’s scrumtrulescent prose, and it includes a lot of words like “slurp,” “fart,” and “badonk” and phrases like “nut shrinkage” and “shaking her peaches.” The novel appears to be a romantic story of a young woman (er…drunk elf?) searching for “love” in Seaside Heights (right, because I’m sure Jane Austen would have written about slurping shots out of a juicehead’s belly button if she were around today). I feel bad for book critics, because this thing is going to hit The New York Times Bestseller list and they’ll have to talk about it – right after they put their shattered brains back together.
Read the rest of Snooki’s “literary” (it greatly pains me to use that word, even if it’s facetiously) gems here.
(Insider’s tip: read them as Christopher Walken for added hilarity.)
Source: NY Post
