The fourth season of the Jersey Shore kicks off tonight on MTV and while we know that these “ambassadors” from the Tri-state area (Staten Island and Long Island are firmly in New York State, Vinnie and J-Woww) definitely embarrased their country in more than a few ways, here’s hoping these few items didn’t make the list.
1. Pulling one’s pants down to pee at a rooftop bar because walking to the bathroom is just too hard
That’s right, JWoww, let’s hope you’re not too lazy (see: drunk) to walk down the stairs at some club to find the bathroom. Pantsing yourself in a VIP bar for all of national television to see isn’t exactly your finest moment. Plus, we don’t want the rest of the country to miss out on and future VIP opportunities because some drunk American on MTV peed on an Italian pop singer’s shoes or something.
2. Turning “chicken cutlets” into pool toys…or hot tub toys
Part of this isn’t the Jersey Shore boys’ faults. That girl should have known better than to hop in a clear pool of water where things float and shift while wearing silicone bra inserts — which I’ll admit, look remarkably like uncooked chicken breasts. Granted, the boys really didn’t need to be as crass as possible by playing with them and flinging them around. Okay, we enjoyed watching them be total dumbasses, just don’t do it another country, okay boys?
3. Tripping over one’s Grinchy green slippers in the middle of the day on the beach while asking where the beach that one is standing on is located
“Where’s the beach?” I think this one speaks for herself. Snooks couldn’t help but get arrested again when she got to Italy, but at least she knew where she was and was smart enough to be wearing footwear that’s only slightly more appropriate than those horrendous slippers.
4. Being so drunk one loses track of a shirt which falls into the toilet and clogs it for a month
Seriously. This is disgusting. How drunk do you have to be to forget you dropped a piece of clothing in the toilet? And how gross and lazy do 8 people have to be to keep using the toilet and let it fester for an entire month?
5. Riding public statues inappropriately because it feels good
Snooki may be able to get away with this on that weird dog/camel statue in front of the ice cream shop in Miami, but she best keep from wrapping her short little legs around any of the masterpieces in Florence. That’s all we need: Snooki riding the Statue of David like some sort of sex toy.